Never Ever
by Madame Batolli
Summary: It's been two years since the last tournament ended. Since Jin left her behind, promising to come back. Since Hwoarang left for Korea, promising to write. With no contact from either of them, what's Xiaoyu supposed to think? Monochrome sequel. COMPLETE.
1. Two Years, Two Letters

_A/N: Well, it's nearly been a year since I finished the prequel to this one, and it's about time to catch up with Xiao and see how she's doing, don't you think? As always, comments and constructive criticism are much appreciated, so please let me know whether you liked it or not. This one is dedicated to everyone who enjoyed reading Monochrome. However, you don't really need to read it to understand what's going on in this fic, so don't worry if you haven't.  
_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_Despite my strong desire,  
I started giving up.  
I'd find it, release it, and sometimes  
there were nights when I hurt myself._

**Chapter One: Two Years, Two Letters**

I wonder how long it's been since I last saw you? Two years? Has it been that long yet? I guess it must have been, because it's summer again. Long days and short nights, and lazing in the garden with a cold drink. And girls in short skirts, which I know for a fact _you_ appreciate. I love this time of year, you know. But it would feel so much better if you were with me. Even if we were working some sucky summer job together, your silly one-liners and your smile would be enough to make me happy. Right now, I'm sitting on a bench overlooking the amusement park that Miharu and I have spent the day visiting. It's getting dark, and the whole place is illuminated with coloured lights. There's dance music coming from all over the place, and I still feel dizzy from all the times I dragged Miharu onto the rollercoaster. I can just picture you reading this and rolling your eyes. Hey, you know what I'm like when it comes to rides. And I don't mean that in a sex way, either, so stop smirking like that. I know you are.

What are you doing, right now? What's it like where you are?

Oh, hey, you know that rollercoaster I just mentioned? It's supposed to be the biggest one in all of Japan. It's awesome, trust me. When you get back, I'm totally going to make you come on it with me. No excuses!

When are you getting back? When are you going to write to me? I got your first letter, but that was about two months after you left. I haven't heard from you since then. Why?

I miss you.

I miss you being by my side. It still feels weird walking through the corridors at school without you there. You know what? I even miss your cigarettes. I bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, did you? Well, technically, I didn't say it, I wrote it, but you know what I mean. I can cope with having to wash the smoke out of my hair when it's only just been washed, if it means I can see you again.

Why haven't you written to me yet? You said you would. You haven't forgotten me and Miharu, have you? You're still alive, right? I'm only half joking with that. But of course you are. You're probably laughing as you read this. I wish I knew you were getting these letters. I've only got this address for you. Are you getting them forwarded to you? Yeah. You just haven't replied because you've been busy. I get it. But try to write to me, even if it's just to let me know you're okay. You'll be back soon, right?

Next to me, there's a huge bag of stuffed toys and sweet wrappers, and half empty drinks bottles that we've been carrying around all day. There's a guy sitting on the end of the bench, reading the paper. Today's headline's something to do with a celebrity scandal. Miharu told me more about it this morning, but I've forgotten what she said. She went to get some candyfloss for us, that's why I'm by myself right now. That's why I'm thinking of you.

And you, too, Jin. She's done a great job of getting my mind off _you_, and I love her for that, because all I can think of when I start thinking about you is the last time I saw you.

Your promise. Your smile.

It makes me wonder if that smile was genuine. If you were ever intending on keeping your promise to me, or if you just said it because you thought it was what I wanted to hear. I know you just wanted to protect me. You wanted me to leave so that I'd be safe. I shouldn't feel bitter about it, I know that.

I've realised something while I've been waiting here for you. Something that I sort of knew all along, but I just thought it was a teenage thing. A sixteen year old girl thing. I thought it would fade with you being gone for so long, and me being around other guys all the time with being at school, but it hasn't. If I'd have told you, would you still have left me behind? And if I tell you now, in this letter, what will you think? It's been two years, do you still feel like you did back then? I don't want to tell you like this. I want to say it when you're with me. It'll be easier to tell how you really feel if I could see your reaction. Does that sound like I don't trust you? Well, I trusted you to come back, and look what happened.

I'm sorry. I'm not being fair to you. Sorry for feeling this way.

I want to see you again, tell you all this. Writing it down isn't enough if you never have chance to read it. It's been two years. I try to keep hoping, I really do. A year ago, I was sure you'd be back. After all, you promised me. So I always smile and agree with Miharu when she says that I'll hear from you soon enough, but it's only because neither of us can bring ourselves to talk about the more likely outcome. I'm never going to see you again. You're not going to keep your promise. You're not like Hwoarang, there's nothing stopping you from coming back or making contact with me. A letter, a phonecall, anything. Unless you can't.

You're not coming back, are you? Sound pessimistic, don't I? So prove me wrong. Please.

* * *

_If there were something I could give to you,  
If there were something I could give to you,  
It would be my unchanging, certain thoughts_. 

_--- NEVER EVER, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	2. Questions and Answers

A/N:_ Thank you so much to you guys who reviewed, I'm really glad that you're actually interested in reading this sequel fic! I thought I might have left it too long... I've actually had the ideas in my head for a while, but I wanted to finish up Restless first of all, so that I wasn't trying to divide my attentions between two fics. You might notice a recurring J-Pop lyrics theme throughout this fic, heh. I always listened to Ayu when I was writing __Monochrome, and that hasn't changed with __Never Ever. Anyway, here's the second chapter. When you get to the end, be sure to click that little review button and let me know what you think!_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_My true self is beginning to blur, little by little.  
As I pushed through the crowd, unable to answer, I searched.  
The better I get at lies and excuses, the more the emptiness frightens me._

**Chapter Two: Questions and Answers**

It's a little after ten when Miharu and I leave the amusement park and go our separate ways, and I arrive back to an empty house. My mother's out, so it's just me tonight. I don't mind being by myself usually, but after getting lost in thoughts of Jin and Hwoarang, coming back home and there being no lights on, and no one there to welcome me just adds to this intense loneliness I'm feeling. I want to slap it out of myself. But that would just look weird.

_Snap out of this silly, stupid, whiny mood, Xiao. You had a great day with Miharu, what's your problem? _

After I've drank some orange juice from the carton, took some headache tablets and made myself a sandwich, I flop down on the sofa. I've half a mind to switch on the T.V and look for something to occupy myself with, something to make me laugh, but I feel so tired all of a sudden. I close my eyes, just for a moment. I know I've got my sandwich to eat and my things to put away. I just need to rest a minute.

* * *

I'm walking through the high street, the last weak rays of sunlight before nightfall lighting my way. Usually, even in late evening, there'd be people walking around. But I'm the only one there. My chest feels tight, my feet speed up, and I'm looking around desperately, hoping that someone will step out of a pub doorway or from a sidestreet, even if they're drunk and shouty or drugged up, just so I'll know I'm not alone. There's no one. No footsteps apart from my own, no faint snatches of conversation, no voices, no car or bike engines, nothing. And now I'm running. My feet pounding the pavement, my quick breaths, and the change jangling in my pocket are the only sounds breaking through the stillness. 

I want to go home, where my schoolbag is behind the door, still in the same place I threw it a month ago when the summer holidays first started. Where my mother's shoes are on the bottom shelf of the shoe rack, and her coat is hanging in the hallway. Where I'll walk past the kitchen and she'll be sitting at the table, reading a book or magazine or drinking tea. Where I won't be alone. I stop running, suddenly desperate to see my mother's face. When I turn back in the direction of home, the closed shops of the high street are gone, and I find myself standing in front of the canal, just across from the pub where I could always count on finding Hwoarang, back when he was still here.

I know it's a dream now, but when it dawns on me that there's someone sitting on the wall nearby, I'm almost hysterical with relief that I'm not by myself any more. It's a woman, her head bowed, her hands folded in her lap. She's wearing white. White everything, even down to the headband in her jet-black hair. I walk closer to her, and she raises her head. All I can focus on are her eyes, Jin's eyes. Through the haze of the dream, I remember a picture my grandfather gave to me, a photograph of a woman with a soft smile on her face and the same headband as she's wearing now. The sun sinks into the water, leaving us in twilight.

"You…"

"You're Ling Xiaoyu."

She hops off the wall.

"What's going on? Where is everyone?" I ask her helplessly.

"I've been waiting for you."

"Why?"

"To thank you."

"For what?"

"Being there for him."

"Him?"

I know who she's talking about, but I just want her to confirm it. She doesn't, just stands there gazing at me, and even though I know she doesn't mean me any harm, it's still disconcerting.

_Being there for him, _she says. Yeah, and here I am, still waiting for him to return the favour.

"You feel like he left you behind, don't you?"

_Left you. _

My throat tightens, and tears well up suddenly, as if just being around her has robbed me of my ability to hold back my real feelings. That ability I've had two years to practice. I shake my head, trying my hardest to blink them away.

"I don't… I know he wanted me to be safe… I just…"

"It's alright. There's no one else here. You don't need to smile when you're feeling sad."

_It's alright. _When I hear those words, I feel relieved, somehow. Like I have permission now, like I don't have to pretend I'm fine. Like it's okay to be hurt, upset, angry…

"Maybe not. But crying won't help the situation, will it?"

"It might help _you_." She smiles, warm and motherly. "You wouldn't be bottling things up anymore. You'd feel better." She gives me that unsettling look again, and I drop my gaze to the floor. "You know," she carries on, "…if it wasn't for the thought of you, he might not have been able to stay himself."

"What do you mean?"

"After the tournament ended, he had a… difficult time."

"After…?" I don't dare to hope. "Is he still alive? Is he alright?"

"He's alive…"

I can't help but notice her tactful silence in answer to my second question.

"Is he alright?" I repeat.

"Don't give up on him."

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I can't answer that. I don't know myself."

She's so calm.

"What happened to him?"

"It's up to him to tell you that. I don't know whether it's something he wants to share."

I hesitate. If he doesn't want to share it, do I really want to know what it is?

"Don't lose faith. You'll see him again."

_Maybe. But how can I be sure this isn't just a weird, orange juice and paracetamol induced dream? _How do I know she's telling me the truth?

"You'll get your answer soon."

"What?"

"About whether this is just a dream."

_How did she know?_

And then I'm wide awake, the sound of the front door slamming jarring me back into consciousness.

* * *

She was right, though. I do get an answer. The next morning, I check my email while Miharu flips through my CD collection looking for something to put on, and in with all the usual spam and newsletters from my favourite clothes shops, there's an anonymous message telling me not to trust Heihachi Mishima. 

I guess I should explain further. Me and my family have been under the Mishima Zaibatsu's protection since the last tournament. Actually, everyone who attends Mishima Polytech can consider themselves protected by the Zaibatsu, so I'm nothing special there. But since the last tournament, Heihachi promised to let me know if there'd been any contact from Jin, as long as I did the same for him. I didn't think anything was suspicious about that, I mean, it's only natural that he'd want to find his grandson. I mean, come on, Jin is his only family, right?

That being said, the person who emailed me seemed to think otherwise.

_--- _

_Subject: The Mishima Corporation_

_From: blank_

_Date: 21.08.02_

_To: risingphoenix_

_--- _

_Two years ago, Heihachi Mishima tried to capture Toshin in order to use its genetic material to create a new life form. Since then, he's been searching for those who share his bloodline. It has nothing sentimental to do with them being family, more to do with their genetics. It's complicated, and I don't have time to go into specifics, but no matter what you might think, neither the Zaibatsu nor Heihachi can be trusted. As long as you associate with him, or any of his relations, your life is in danger. Don't give him any information about this email._

_---  
_

"Hey, you've gone quiet." says Miharu, and I lean back on my chair, staring at the computer screen. It's from Jin. Who else would know about Toshin apart from him?

"Have you got one of those emails about penis enlargement?" she jokes. "I always used to forward them to Hwoarang whenever I got one. He used to get so pissed off with me." She's chuckling to herself, and I glance over at her.

"It's from Jin."

"Why would Jin be forwarding you emails about how to enlarge your penis?"

"I'm serious, Miharu."

She stands up and reads over my shoulder.

"It's him, isn't it?" I can feel the excitement bubbling up inside me. "It has to be from him."

"Well… I guess it could be…"

"What do you mean, 'could' be? No one else would know this stuff! Mi, I know it's him!"

"Xiao, just… How do you know for sure that it's Jin?"

"Like I just said! No one else would know this stuff!"

"Apart from everyone in the Zaibatsu, right?"

I shake my head, feeling giddy.

"No way, I can't believe it's actually him! I guess this was the answer."

"Answer?"

"Okay, don't think I'm crazy, but I had a dream last night about walking down the high street, and it was all weird and abandoned like something off of 28 Days Later."

"Were there zombies?" Miharu cuts in, silencing my rambling.

"No…"

"Or soldiers?"

"Miharu, listen to me! Anyway, in my dream, I spoke to someone." I don't mention that the 'someone' was Jun Kazama. I think that might make me sound like more of a crazy person than I already sound. "They said that Jin was still alive, and not to give up on him. I asked if they could prove that I wasn't just dreaming, and they said I'd get an answer soon." I point to the computer. "See? Isn't it a bit too much of a coincidence that I got this email right after that?"

"I guess so." Miharu looks doubtful. "But… I just don't want you getting your hopes up, you know?"

"That's a change." I snipe. "You usually tell me he'll be back any day now."

"I know…"

"So what's the deal? Two years without any contact and you swear down he'll be back, then when I get something like this, you don't think I should be excited?"

"I'm sorry, Xiao. I don't want to see you disappointed again, that's all."

I glare at the keyboard, and she touches my shoulder.

"I'm sorry, Xiao."

"I have to keep hoping, Miharu."

"I know."

"If I don't… then who else does he have?"

* * *

_People are solitary creatures, everyone is always alone  
So, yeah, we need someone, we want to be supported and support someone  
Nothing is certain, but I believe in my heart. _

_--- Poker Face, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	3. Past and Future

_A/N: Thank you for reviewing everyone, it's been so encouraging to see that you're wanting updates for this and that some of you have favourited it! Ready for the third chapter? (By the way, Diamond Xiaoli, there will be a 'Jewel' chapter, you can count on that. I also love that song, and already have part of that chapter written. So keep an eye out for that, though it's probably going to be a ways off at the moment!)_**  
**

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**NEVER EVER**_  
_

* * *

_Ah, there's no way I can keep  
The promises we made that day on my own._

**Chapter Three - Past and Future**

The phone rings for the fifth time on the table next to me, and I take another sip of my drink, eyes fixed on the television. It's a repeat of a cartoon I've already seen, but I'm so lazy right now that I'd rather sit and stare at the screen than answer it. I can hear footsteps out in the hallway, and then my grandfather walks into the room, looks at the ringing phone, then looks at me disapprovingly, and goes to pick it up. I ignore the look he's shooting me, tune out his voice as he greets whoever's on the other end, and lean around him; he's blocking my view of the television. It's only when he straightens up and taps me on the shoulder that I start to listen to what he's saying.

"Xiaoyu, it's for you."

"Who is it?" Hopefully it's Miharu and I can convince her to come shopping with me. I've been thinking that buying stuff might help me snap out of these stupid moods I keep falling victim to. There's nothing like new clothes and pretty new shoes to perk a girl up. Or maybe that's just me.

"Someone from the Mishima Corporation."

I put my cup down, suddenly uneasy. Why would they be calling me? Grandfather hands the phone over, and I look at it hesitantly for a few seconds before putting it to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi, is this Miss Ling?" It's a female voice, sounding more cheery than I'd be if I was working on a Saturday.

"Yeah, it is."

"Good. Mr Mishima would like to speak to you, I'm going to transfer you now."

Before I can catch my breath, Heihachi's booming voice is wishing me a good morning and enquiring about how my day's been so far. I manage to mumble an answer, and out of the corner of my eye I can see my grandfather walking out of the room.

"I expect you're wondering why I called you, aren't you?"

"Yeah, to be honest."

"Well, there will be a press announcement later today, but I wanted to find out before then, so I've been calling a few others as well."

"Uh, what?" God, Heihachi, I don't think that was vague enough for me.

"I'm getting ahead of myself, of course." He says, sounding like he's smiling. "There will be a fourth Iron Fist tournament in a few months. Are you interested in participating?"

"Yes…"

"Good, good. By the way, I am hoping that my grandson will enter if he is able."

I tighten my grip on the handset. That's just what I was thinking. If Jin hears about it, I'm sure he'll enter. And Hwoarang, too. This could be my chance to see both of them again. There's no way I could pass this up. No way.

"You haven't heard anything from Jin, have you?"

I pause for a moment, thinking of the email.

"No. Nothing."

About half an hour later, I'm making a snack in the kitchen, watching grandfather out of the window as he wanders around the garden. He looks up and sees me watching him, then flashes a faint smile my way and starts towards the house.

"What is it you want, Xiaoyu?" he asks as he walks through the door.

"What do you mean?"

"You've been looking at me as though you want to ask me something ever since you got that phonecall."

I scuff my foot on the kitchen floor.

"Well, I was wondering whether… if you weren't busy… you'd be able to help me train again."

"The fourth Iron Fist tournament." He murmurs.

"Yeah. There's gonna be a press announcement later, it'll probably give us the date it starts."

"You want to enter the tournament again? Even after all the hurt it caused?"

I nod.

"I have to." I know I'll see them both again if I do.

"The prize must really be something if you are this sure about it."

"The prize?" Heihachi probably mentioned what it was, but I'll be damned if I was listening. Grandfather frowns at me.

"You don't know what the prize is?" I shake my head, and his frown gets deeper. "Then I won't train you."

"What? Why?"

"You'll lose. It is inevitable."

"Grandfather!" I glare at him, irritated at how he can just dismiss me so quickly. "Did you forget? I did better than you did when I entered the last one!"

"I'm aware of that. But if you aren't competing to win, you will lose. And if you aren't competing for the prize, what are your reasons for entering?"

"I... there's someone… there are people I want to see again."

He looks at me calmly, but his gaze has softened.

"Nothing good has ever come out of the Iron Fist tournament. Remember that."

With that, he turns and walks back into the garden, and I hurry after him to the door.

"So are you going to help me?"

"Yes. And I will have that weighing on my conscience."

* * *

I'm dreaming again. I realise I'm dreaming as soon as I find the ocean stretching out for miles in front of me, its tide lapping at the sand of a deserted beach that I recognise from family holidays back in China. There's no possible way this beach could be deserted right now. It's sunset, and it's beautiful, and if this were the real world, someone else would be guaranteed to pop up and distract you from the view or ruin the moment entirely. A couple would be chattering to each other nearby, there'd be a family trying to leave the sand and their kids throwing a tantrum because they wanted to stay longer. There'd be someone with a dog, at the very least. 

I breathe in, stop and slip my shoes off, carrying them by the straps and slowly walking further onto the sand and sitting down. I haven't been to the beach since we moved to Japan. Never been the right time to go with my parents, and I've never had the cash to go there myself or with Miharu or Hwoarang. I stare out at the sea, just enjoying the feeling of the breeze brushing through my hair. It's a few moments before I become aware of someone sitting beside me, and I look down at our shadows on the sand for a second, trying to figure out who it is, before turning to see who's there.

It's Jin, looking the same as he did the last time I saw him, right down to the red studded fighting gloves. He's not looking at me, just gazing forwards like I was a couple of seconds ago. I'm not overly surprised or excited to see him there, which is weird. It's like in this dream world I'm used to him being by my side.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him eventually, and he glances at me.

"Here?" He repeats. "You know this place?"

I turn to the ocean and hug my knees to my chest.

"Yeah. I used to come here on holiday all the time when I was a kid."

"Hmm." Jin leans back on his hands. "Is that you, then?"

"What?"

He sits up again, pointing towards the sea. "She looks like you."

I look in the direction of his arm, and there's a little girl sitting down in the surf, her black hair in pigtails. She's wearing a grubby white t-shirt and pink shorts, mirroring my position - hugging her knees to her chest. I remember seeing a picture of myself wearing those same clothes when I looked through our old holiday snaps a few weeks ago. Jin's right. It is me. Strange.

"What are you crying for?"

I start, bringing a hand to my face, but my eyes are dry. It must be the little girl he's talking about. I look over at her again, and sure enough she's standing up now, her shoulders shaking with sobs, her fists balled and rubbing at her eyes. Even though she's close to us, all I can hear is the rush of the ocean. I can't hear her voice as she cries.

"Probably nothing." I shrug. "When I was a kid I always cried over things that weren't important."

"You haven't changed then." Jin comments, and I frown.

"What are you trying to say? My friends aren't important?"

"That's what we are? Friends?"

"You know we're not." I tell him, my face flushing. "But you're not the only one who's left me behind."

"You're not all by yourself."

"I know I have Miharu. I know. But…" I scoop up a handful of sand and watch it pour through my fingers. "I want to see you."

"I'm here."

"I know you are. But I mean I want to see you all the time. When I'm awake."

He takes a moment to think about this.

"So this me isn't what you want?"

"I don't want to just dream about you."

He stands up, shading his eyes from the sun, and I look up at him in confusion.

"You're not going, are you?"

"Well, obviously I'm not a good enough me, right?" He's obviously joking, but even so, fear sparks up inside my chest at his words. The idea that he might leave, even though I know it's just a dream, is enough to make me leap up from the sand, eyes wide with panic.

"No, please! Don't go yet!"

"Xiao, I was only…" Jin trails off and looks at me in wonder, and I feel tears welling up. What is it about these dreams that always stop me from keeping my feelings inside? I lower my head so he can't see that I'm struggling to stop myself crying.

"Don't leave…"

His arms pull me close, wrap tightly around my shoulders, and I grit my teeth to keep from dissolving into sobs right there. It should be a gesture that comforts me, but all I can think of as he holds me is how when I wake up, he won't be there.

* * *

_Feeling lonely even when you're with someone  
Is even harder than feeling lonely when you're alone._

_--- SURREAL, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	4. Empty Spaces

_A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter! I love you guys, you are all made of awesome. I'm glad you liked the slight J/X-ness in chapter three. There will be more, but not just yet. I have it all planned out. :rubs hands together: _

_**Athena**, you should definitely check out Ayu. Her voice isn't to everyone's tastes, but I think her music is beautiful. **Dreaming Sapphire**, they're not really communicating with each other through the dreams. Jun is communicating with Xiao in the dream in chapter two, but Jin isn't! **Tink,** the floods did kinda stop me from going to work (but only for a day though, dammit) but I live on a hill so I was fine. Thanks for asking about me! Oh, and this fic goes up to the end of the fourth tournament. Speaking of fourth, here's the fourth chapter all done and dusted for you guys. I really hope that it doesn't come off as though the story is moving too fast, but there's only so much I can milk the run-up to the tournament! _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_On days when you cry, on days when you smile  
I'll be by your side_**  
**

**Chapter Four: Empty Spaces**

I think I was kind of on autopilot when I talked to Heihachi Mishima yesterday. At the time, as soon as he asked if I was interested in entering the tournament again, I said I was, but now that I've had time to think about it, I wonder if I'm really ready to do the whole tournament thing again. My grandfather was right, it caused me a whole lot of hurt last time, and sometimes I wonder whether the good things that came out of the tournament - like realising how much Hwoarang cares about me, so much so that he was willing to forfeit his match just to make sure I was alright, and then the whole thing with me and Jin that last time I saw him – outweigh things like the pain of losing, and having nightmares about Toshin, and this unbearable position I'm stuck in of waiting around for Jin to come back and hoping his feelings for me are still the same.

But then again, can the fourth tournament possibly bring about anything worse than that? I really need to start looking on the bright side again; I used to be so good at it. Now it's like I immediately see the downside to everything. If Miharu wasn't around, I think I've have driven myself insane by now.

At the moment, I'm staring at a blank email page on my computer. I fired up my email intending to try and send another reply to that message I got about the Mishima Corporation's intentions. Jin's the one who sent it to me. I'm still as positive about that as I was when I first read it. I did send a reply when I first got it, but as of yet, I haven't had anything back. The only reason I'm trying again is because of what I just read on the Iron Fist Tournament's official website. I visited there to see if anything new had been posted about the fourth tournament, and the results of the last one were still up on the main page. Only difference is, last time I visited, it said Paul Phoenix was the winner. Now he's not. The official winner, according to the website, is Jin Kazama.

I haven't visited the site in a good long while, so I've no idea how long ago it was altered, and when I try to get back in touch with Heihachi to ask about it, I'm treated to a curt response from his secretary saying that the preparations for the Iron Fist Tournament will be keeping him occupied for a while, and to try another time, because she most certainly would not disturb him on my account. Jeez, someone obviously got up on the wrong side of the bed.

But, as I see it, if Jin is the winner, then he has to have defeated Toshin, and doesn't that mean, beyond a doubt, that he's still alive? The thing that worries me now is that there still has to be a reason he's stayed away so long. And that reason, if he really did send me the email, is something to do with Heihachi.

* * *

In the weeks since the fourth Iron Fist Tournament was announced, I've been training daily with my grandfather. When we began our training, it was the height of summer and horrendously warm, and I was horrendously out of practice. Which led to me getting my ass handed to me over and over again. Just like last time. I can't even begin to total up the amount of times I ended up sprawled on the floor, head ringing, muscles screaming, wondering why the hell I decided to put myself through this again. However, as the days cooled down a bit, I started to get used to sparring again, and by the time the summer gave way to autumn and the trees at my grandfather's shrine changed colour, their leaves falling around us as we trained, I was back on form and just about able to match him. It's the colder end of autumn now, and I think I've improved even more, _and_ just about successfully worked off all the calorific comfort food I scoffed over the last few months whenever I felt depressed about not hearing from Jin or Hwoarang. 

Right now I'm mid-spar with my grandfather, for the last time before I leave, and pretty damned pleased with how it's going so far. I haven't let my guard down once, and I don't think he's even got a hit in on me yet. He's pushing me to the absolute limit, and I have to admit I'm getting tired, but there's no way in hell I'm gonna back down. I dodge his fist and sweep his legs out from under him, hoping for the fifty-millionth time that he won't have the energy to get up this time. But, surprise surprise, he does. I'd like to know where he gets his energy. I'm still in my teens and I feel like I'm gonna collapse any second. I just want this finished, so I can prove I'm definitely tough enough. Grandfather tries to grab my arm, probably to throw me, but I shake him off and flip away from him, dried leaves crunching under my feet. My hair falls into my face, obscuring my vision for a split second, and in that time, Grandfather succeeds in actually connecting with one of his attacks. His foot hits me square in the stomach, sending me flying, and a huge cloud of dust rises around me when I hit the ground. Damn hair. I'll have to steal some grips off Miharu. She's got some cute red ones with strawberries on them.

Grandfather seems to think it's all over, coming forward and holding out his hand to help me up. For some reason, this simple gesture infuriates me. I don't know whether it's the fact he thinks his kick took so much out of me that I can't get up by myself, or just that he thinks he's won. I glower at him, knocking his hand away and springing back up, not giving him a chance to react before I'm on the attack again, driving him back with my fists and feet. I finally succeed in knocking him to the ground, and, feeling spiteful, I perform a mock-salute as he struggles to get up.

"Alright, Xiaoyu." He says with a smile. "I admit defeat. Although…" he stretches out his back, wincing, "...was that little taunt really necessary?"

* * *

It's the day before I'm due to leave for the tournament, and me and Miharu are packing my things. Well, I'm packing, at least. Miharu's taking dresses and skirts and tops out of my wardrobe and holding them up against herself in front of the mirror. 

"Hey, do you ever wear this?" She asks hopefully.

"Yeah, I do."

"Well I've never seen you in it."

"Mi, I only bought it last week, remember? You said it looked nice on me."

"Did I?" She looks doubtful. "Well, I take that back. It's nasty. In fact, I think you should donate it to one of the charity shops on the high street. I'll take it there for you if you want."

I laugh, folding my pink dress up and putting it in my case.

"I'm sure you will. You wanna lend it while I'm gone?"

"Really?"

"Well," I straighten up and turn away from the packing for a minute to look at her. "I dunno. I mean, I might want to wear it for one of my matches."

"Yeah, sure. A sparkly minidress is_ so_ appropriate for wearing in a fistfight."

"Hey, you'd be surprised." I tell her with a grin. "Remember the sisters I told you about?"

"The ones who wore high heels to fight in?"

"Yeah. One of them wore a long silk dress and fishnets with those heels. Expensive looking, too."

"Well, you've gotta look your best even if you're gonna end up with gravel rash, I suppose."

"True. But you can borrow that minidress."

She seems pleased, holding it up in front of her and studying it.

"Hey, maybe _you _should take it." Miharu tells me. "Jin would _die _if he saw you in this."

Miharu's just as confident as I am that I'll see Jin at the tournament, it's all she's been talking about for days.

"What're you gonna do when you see him?" she asks teasingly.

"I dunno."

"Oh, come on, Xiao, you must have thought about it."

I shake my head. I have no idea what I'll say to him. No idea at all.

"I'll probably just stand there like an idiot."

"You do, and I'll kill you. No, I know what you'll do!" She holds her arms out wide. "Oh, Jin, I looooove you! Take me now!"

"As if I would." I laugh, throwing a balled up pair of socks at her. "And who the hell says 'take me now', anyway?"

"Hey, I saw it on TV once, it must happen in real life?"

"You saw it on TV? What were you watching? Really bad porn?"

"How rude." Miharu replies. "I only watch porn of the highest quality."

"You sound like Hwoarang!" I laugh, and for a minute we both dissolve into giggles, until I become aware of the empty feeling inside that's always so much worse when I think about him. Miharu seems pretty much the same, the smile slipping off her face, and I stare down at the carpet for a second, stuck for something to say. This always happens. We'll be joking with each other, and then one of us will say something that reminds us of him, or we'll just become aware that he's not there, that there's an empty space beside me where he'd usually be sitting and joining in with the teasing.

"…Hey, you'll see him tomorrow too." Miharu says brightly, but it's forced. "I wish I could come with you. I'd kick his ass so bad for disappearing on us. You'll do it for me, right?"

"Sure I will."

"I… I really…" Miharu hesitates, going over to my CD rack and looking through my collection. "I really miss him, Xiaoyu."

"Me too."

"He'll be there, won't he?"

This is the first time Miharu has looked to me for reassurance in a long while. It's usually me who's the one who needs a pep talk, or some sense smacked into her, one of the two. She's facing away from me, but I don't need to see her expression to know how she's feeling. I feel exactly the same as her. I can't even imagine the disappointment I'd feel if neither of them are there when I arrive at the tournament. So I don't try to imagine it. I plaster on a smile and try to sound cheerful.

"Of course he will. You think he'd miss the tournament if he can help it?"

"What if he can't help it?" Miharu's voice is barely above a whisper. "What if he –"

"Come on, Miharu!" I interrupt hurriedly, not letting her finish that train of thought. "I've gotta get this packing done. Can you believe I've gotta get up at five tomorrow to be at the port on time? How stupid is that?"

"Right!" she says, turning to me and picking up the socks I threw at her earlier. "Do you need these?" She tosses them in my case. "Five in the morning, huh? Man, you're gonna look a state."

"Thanks."

"Oh, and don't you dare forget your phone charger. I'm gonna be so bored on my own. I expect regular texts, Ling Xiaoyu."

* * *

_From now on, don't forget  
No matter what events are waiting for us  
I'll always be by your side  
Even though I can't do anything else._

_  
--- Close To You, Ayumi Hamasaki  
_


	5. Here Again

A/N: Hey, what's this? A quick update? Surely not! This is one of the chapters I had planned out from the beginning, so it wasn't difficult to get it typed up. I hope you all enjoy reading it, and thank you so much for the reviews for the last chapter. Sachi, I'm sorry to send your eyes funny! I tried to space things out more in this chapter. Oh, and I'm glad no one had a problem with the pacing. Don't hesitate to let me know if you think it's too fast, okay, or if there's anything confusing. And as always, review and you will make me smile all day.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_Hey, I want you to tell me  
Can we ever go back?_

**Chapter Five: Here Again**

It doesn't seem like two minutes since I was here, on the ferry heading for the island that Heihachi uses for the tournament. I think I'm sitting at the exact same table as last time, when I was with Hwoarang. I rest my chin on my hands, fixing my attention on the spotless ashtray in front of me, and I can remember the haze of smoke around us, and Hwoarang flicking his cigarette away and smiling at me, telling me that there's nothing to be afraid of. God, I wish he were here. It was so comforting, having him by my side last time. I hate being by myself.

There doesn't seem to be as many people here this time. I spot Nina Williams, not that it's easy to miss her, considering she's wearing a fluorescent pink catsuit. Her sister, Anna, doesn't seem to be around. There's also the American girl, Julia Chang. Her hair's longer than before, still held back in braids, and she's wearing glasses. I catch her eye and she smiles faintly, but doesn't make a move to come over. I guess she's got something big on her mind, judging from her serious expression.

For a moment, I follow Julia's lead and stare out of the window at the vast expanse of steel blue ocean, then lay my head on my arms and close my eyes, letting the hushed conversation between the barstaff and the occasional clinking of glasses wash over me.

* * *

I'm sitting cross-legged on the bank of a slow-flowing river, leaning back on my hands and letting the breeze caress my face, and I can hear the frozen grass crunching under someone's feet behind me. 

"Aren't you cold?"

The voice shouldn't be familiar, shouldn't make my heart leap and my chest tighten, and that's how I know I'm looking through someone else's eyes, reliving someone else's memories. The dream's too vivid for it to be anything else.

"I'm fine."

It isn't even my voice.

I stand up and turn around, wishing I'd brought a warmer jacket, and it's a man I recognise from a picture I saw in Heihachi's library. His son, Kazuya. There's a change in him though. The Kazuya from the picture I saw had a cold indifference in his eyes. In this dream, there's a slight softness to him, an almost imperceptible smile on his face as he approaches.

"You're shivering."

"Am I?"

Then his arms are pulling me close, and he wraps his coat around me, pressing me to his chest and surrounding me with warmth. There's nothing but the sound of birdsong and the grass rustling, and Kazuya's quiet breathing, until the sound of shattering glass wakes me with a start.

* * *

I knock the ashtray with my hand, and it goes skittering across the table, falling safely onto the cushioned chair opposite. Nearby, a middle-aged looking woman is sweeping shards of glass up into a dustpan while a younger girl collects empties, and I watch her as she weaves her way between tables. 

"Hey, is this seat taken?"

"Hmm?"

I'm still disorientated from the dream, and a pretty, olive skinned girl slides into the chair opposite, looking irritable.

"Jeez, what is it with everyone? Is it really so hard to make polite conversation?"

I blink, and she widens her eyes, touching my arm and shaking her head.

"Oh, I didn't mean _you_. Just people in general. I mean, I just thought I should say 'hi', you know, since we're all gonna be in the tournament together, but I was lucky if anyone even _looked_ at me over there."

She waves a hand towards the corner, where a few scattered fighters are seated in the bar area, and rolls her eyes.

"They could have at least cracked a smile."

"You remind me of me." I comment, and she looks at me curiously.

"What?"

"I was the same when I was in the third tournament. Wanted to go and do a bit of socialising, but…"

"They were all ignorant assholes?" she finishes for me.

"Kind of." I laugh. "My friend said there was no point anyway, since I'd have to fight with them in the end…"

"Hey, it's better to fight against someone you like. That way even if you lose, you're still happy for_ them_, right?"

She sighs, flicking her brown hair over her shoulder. "Doubt there's any danger of that happening with these guys, though."

"I guess they've all got a lot on their minds. Everyone's entered the tournament for a reason, right?"

"It must be something really important if they can't spare two seconds to say hi."

"I guess."

The girl notices the ashtray on the chair at her side and picks it up, putting it back on the table.

"Why did you enter?" she asks.

"I… I'm looking for someone."

"Me too." She says with a grin. "Who is it that you're looking for?

"Two friends of mine. I haven't seen either of them for a couple of years. I suppose it's a long shot, but I'm hoping they both show up here."

"Two years…? Did they fight in the last tournament?"

"Yeah."

"They're not on the boat?"

"No, I looked before we set off."

"Hmm." She considers this, pursing her lips. "Well, I guess you'll just have to win the tournament. Nothing like publicity to get people to notice you, is there?"

"True."

"Is… Is this boat the only way to get to the island?"

"I think Heihachi Mishima flies here. He's not on the boat. He wasn't last time."

"Good. So there's no point in either of us giving up until we get there, right?"

She seems much happier now, and smiles at me as a polite voice announces over the intercom that we've arrived.

"I'm so sorry, I haven't even introduced myself, have I? How rude is that?"

"Don't worry about it." I grin, and she holds out her hand for me to shake.

"I'm Christie. It's nice to meet you."

"My name's Xiaoyu."

"Xiaoyu…" she repeats. "Good luck finding your friends. I'll see you around, okay?"

Then Christie springs up from her seat, smoothes down her shirt, and runs for the exit.

* * *

I don't know exactly what I was hoping for when we arrived at the island. Maybe that Jin or Hwoarang would be there, waiting for me. There's no one on the dock apart from some Zaibatsu staff members milling around, talking into earpieces. A smartly dressed woman is standing next to the entrance gates, and she tells us that Heihachi hasn't arrived yet, so we're welcome to have a walk around and get used to the place, visit the new arenas or get something to eat while we wait. 

I'm not in the mood for eating right now, although I haven't had anything since breakfast. There's a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, a feeling that I've got myself all worked up and excited for no reason, and neither Jin or Hwoarang are going to show up. The longer I walk around without coming across either of them, the more I convince myself that I've entered the tournament for nothing. Not exactly cheery thoughts, I know, but I've been seeing the glass as half empty for a while now, despite my attempts to get it together.

It's quite a mild day for late October, but there's a biting wind that promises winter's on its way, and I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.

I've ended up wandering into an arena that's decorated like a downtown street at night, neon signs illuminating the sidewalk, shops with huge plate glass windows and bright bulbs lighting up the displays inside. There's a shoe boutique across the road from where I'm standing, and I put my hand into my pocket to take my phone out and snap a picture so I can send it to Miharu, but I hear footsteps behind me and turn around curiously. It's two of the other contestants; Paul Phoenix, who I recognise from the last tournament, and a Chinese man who looks similar to Paul's friend from last time, but something's different. The guy from the last tournament was younger, I think.

As I glance around the place, I catch sight of Julia Chang making her way towards a gate into the next arena. Some more Zaibatsu employees pass by, exchanging hurried conversation, and then I notice someone else, someone wearing a hooded jacket that's hiding their face. For a minute I wonder if it's a new contestant, but the way the person's standing, the way they're built, is too overwhelmingly familiar for it to be someone I've never seen before.

I hesitate for a few seconds, debating whether or not to go over, before a gust of freezing wind whips my hair around my face and blows the guy's hood down, blowing his dark hair this way and that. I stare in amazement, start to run before my mind's even wrapped itself around what's going on, and there's a giddy feeling swelling in my chest as my feet pound the pavement. By the time my mind's caught up with me, I've launched myself at him, and I'm hugging him so tightly that he most likely can't breathe.

"Oh my God, I missed you so much, I can't believe you're here," I ramble, "It's been so long, where've you been? I missed you, I really... I thought you might be... I was... Oh God, Jin, I missed you _so much_..."

I'm talking and laughing, in both joy and relief, all at once, and the excitement of seeing him again is enough of a distraction that I don't realise for a few more moments that he's not hugging back.

* * *

_I thought I could hear  
The distant sound of waves  
Just as we start to get close  
Pieces of memories come raining down between us  
Giving me a painful premonition I can't put into words _

_--- Koigokoro, Aikawa Nanase_


	6. Our Reunion

A/N: Kind of a double-edged sword this time. Quick update, but short chapter. Even shorter than usual. Sorry about that, I'll try to make the next one longer to make up for it. As always, let me know what you thought, and if there are things that I can improve on. (I'm sure there's tons!)

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_Since that day  
I haven't been able to belong to anyone  
I've been searching for your warmth._

**Chapter Six: Our Reunion**

There's a couple of seconds after I realise that Jin isn't returning my hug where I just tighten my hold on him, as if that'll somehow spur him into action. It does, but not in the way I'd hoped. He puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes me back gently, and I feel my face heat up in embarrassment, taking a confused step back.

"Jin?"

He looks at me, and I've daydreamed so many times about this moment, about seeing him again and him holding me close and telling me how much he's missed me, his gentle kisses, the way his hands always come up to run through my hair. I never imagined when we met again I'd end up standing in front of him like _this_, confused and rejected, and he'd be looking at me as if I were near enough a stranger.

"Why did you come here?" he asks.

"What?" I wrap my arms around myself; the cold breeze swirling around us is making me shiver. "I… I was invited."

"Invited?"

"Anyway, where have you been all this time?" I try again, smiling at him. He only shakes his head.

"It doesn't really matter."

"It does to me. I was worried. I thought -"

"Who invited you?" he interrupts.

"Heihachi."

"You've kept in contact with him?"

"Yes, Jin." I try to keep the exasperation out of my voice. "He was worried about you too."

"I'm sure." Jin scoffs. "Did he tell you that?"

"No. But come on, think about it. He's your grandfather."

Jin says nothing, just narrows his eyes and looks away.

"What happened to you, Jin?" I reach out to touch his arm, and he brushes me off.

"Listen, I've gotta go."

"You what?"

"I've got things to do."

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I reach for him again, but he turns away and starts to head over to the arena gates.

"So that's it?" I call after him, somehow managing to keep my voice even. "That's all I get?" He stops, turns slightly. "I waited for you! It's been two years! You promised me…"

Jin takes a couple of steps back towards me and then seems to think better of it.

"Look, you should forget about it."

"Forget…?"

"Forget the promise, forget… two years ago."

Forget? Forget how he kissed me breathless, how he took my hand and pressed it to his chest so I could feel his heart beating, how he smiled and told me he'd come back?

"How can you even say that…?" My chest's tight with panic, my eyes burning. "I waited two years to see you again, and you act like this? Why? I missed you, Jin. That promise was…"

_Everything._

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have made a promise I couldn't keep."

I shake my head, not willing to accept what he's saying.

"Jin, something happened to you, didn't it?" I grab his hand, desperate to get through to him, to see some warmth and emotion in his eyes. "Tell me what happened. I'm here, Jin."

For a moment, he lets me entwine my fingers with his, and I feel his grip on my hand tighten, but only for a second, and then he lets go.

"Nothing happened."

"Then why didn't you come back?"

_Why didn't you come and find me, like you said you would? Why haven't we spent these last two years together?_

"Xiaoyu, I'm sorry." He looks at the floor, over my shoulder, anywhere but at my face. "I'm sorry I didn't keep my promise, and I'm sorry you waited. Like I said, just try and forget about it, okay?"

He starts towards the gates again, and I watch him, speechless. I want to run after him, to burst into tears and hit him and scream at him. I want him to put his arms around me and let me cry like he did in my dream. I want to wake up.

"I wanted to see you…"

_But not like this. _

_I wanted to see you smile._

The wind blows my hair in my face – I never did borrow those hairgrips from Miharu – and I lift my hand to tuck it behind my ears, and I'm shaking. My throat's tight, and Jin's retreating figure blurs and dims as tears well up in my eyes, even though I do my best to blink them away. I almost give in right there, almost lose control and let myself cry, but two warm hands on my shoulders keep me together, and I feel myself being gently turned towards someone, pulled in close to them. Then there's his voice, that voice that I haven't heard for two years, not since that night he told me to stop crying, that he'd see me soon.

"Kazama, what the hell's your problem?"

Jin stops in front of the gate, looks over his shoulder.

"Can't you see she's upset? What the fuck's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry."

"Asshole."

I hear the metallic squeal as the gate opens and closes behind him. Hwoarang tightens his arm around my shoulders, and it's as if his presence brings me back to myself, gives me back my voice and tells me it's okay to let go now.

I feel tears tumbling down my face as I violently shrug his hand off me and shove him away, and I can hear myself shouting at him but I can't control what I'm saying. It's like I'm separated from myself, watching from a distance as I snap that he's hardly any different from Jin, that he left me too, that he promised he'd write to me, that I sent letters and he never replied. I'm vaguely aware that I'm directing all of my anger and hurt towards the wrong person, that I'm not being fair, but I can't help it. Hwoarang catches my wrist as I try to hit him, pulls me into his arms and tells me it's okay, and I really want to believe him.

"Why didn't you write?" I ask, voice wavering, and I feel him sigh.

"I did. But I've got a feeling they never got to you."

"What, you forgot my address?" I snipe.

"I sort of… made enemies with some of my superiors."

"That doesn't surprise me."

"You know what I'm like. Not good at taking orders. Like to do my own thing. Not exactly army-friendly qualities, right? So this one time I really pissed off my commanding officer, can't remember what I did, but he says he's cutting off my contact with home. Says that'll learn me some obedience."

He makes a dismissive noise. "Anyway, there was this one guy who I got on with really well. He said he'd sneak my letters in with his and get his girlfriend back home to send them on. Guess she never did."

"No, I don't think she did." I say, matter-of-factly, starting to become myself again.

"I missed you, kid."

"I missed you too."

I look up at him. It's the first time I've seen him in two years, so it's no surprise that he's different. He's got more muscle than I remember, though that's not much of a shock considering he's been in the army. He even seems taller than I remember, but he's still got the same spark, the same smile. I take it all in, can't help a grin from spreading across my face, and he frowns, touching his hair self-consciously. The last time I saw it; it was messy and long, pushed back by his biker goggles. Now it's short, spiky and going in all directions. Still as messy as ever, and still red, but the sun's bleached it lighter than it used to be.

"Cute." I laugh, reaching up to touch it, and he rolls his eyes.

"I hate it. I'm growing it back."

* * *

_Your smile that day  
The passing seasons and our parted love  
There's nowhere for them to come back to._

_--- Tori Ni Naretara, Aikawa Nanase_


	7. Early Hour

A/N: Okay, this one isn't exactly the long chapter I was hoping to write. Nevertheless, I hope it's okay. NotDream!Jin will be back in the next chapter, maybe he'll explain himself a bit? Mind you, it is _Jin_ we're talking about here. Enjoy this chapter, sorry it took so long, and thanks for the reviews as always, I adore you guys and girls.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_That season when you were here _

_Was brighter than anything else _

___Everything I saw_

___Was full of light._

**Chapter Seven: Early Hour**

After I've apologised for hitting him, and he's laughed at me and told me to forget it, we head out of the gate that Jin left through, and Christie's in the gardens. She turns around at the sound of the gate closing, waves at me, and runs over.

"Hey Xiaoyu, seems like you're having better luck than me!" She smiles, giving Hwoarang a once over. "Are you one of the ones she's been looking for?"

"One of them?" He turns to me, a wounded expression on his face. "I thought I was the only one for you, Xiao. Don't tell me last night meant nothing."

Christie looks puzzled, and I elbow him.

"I wondered when you'd start." I turn back to Christie with a smile. "Yeah, he is. Unfortunately, I found him."

"Tch, unfortunately? You love me." Hwoarang mutters, folding his arms.

"So, one more."

"Actually, I've seen the other one too." I try to sound lighthearted, and it seems to work.

"God, Xiaoyu, maybe I should have hung out with you longer, I could use some of your good luck."

"You haven't found your friend yet?"

"Nope. But it's not like I've looked everywhere."

I can tell she's disappointed, but she's trying to gloss over it with optimism. She's just like me.

"He'll be here." She says finally. "I'm sure. Oh, hey, I heard we can get our room keys now, just so you know."

Then she's off, running in the direction of the gate we just came through. "See you later, guys!"

"Well…" Hwoarang says, gazing after her. "She was… perky."

"Don't even try to tell me you're referring to her personality."

"Hey, I can't help noticing these things. Those things." I give him a pointed look, and he grins. "Plus, give me a break here. I've been in the goddamned army for two years."

"Like there aren't women there?"

"The only woman worth looking at was one of the secretaries, and she had the clap."

"How would you even kno-" I stop and look at him, disgusted. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Also, ew."

Thoroughly grossed out, I set off in the direction of the hotel, and Hwoarang catches up to me quickly.

"Hey, I didn't find out that way!" He protests. "One of my buddies did."

"Sure they did."

"Seriously. You think I'm stupid enough to do someone bareback? No glove, no love, or however it goes."

"Why are we even _talking _about this?"

"You started it."

I'm distracted from answering by my phone beeping with a text message. It's Miharu, checking I got to the island okay. God, I forgot all about her. I am such an asshole. I ring her, and she answers straight away.

"You okay? Did you see anyone yet?" she asks excitedly, and I smile into the phone, glancing sideways at Hwoarang. "I've seen loads of people today, Miharu."

"You know exactly what I mean, Xiao. Don't hold out on me, c'mon, I've been just as excited as you, so…"

I try to keep in my laughter, wordlessly handing the phone to Hwoarang, and he listens to her for a few seconds before he says anything.

"Miharu?" he asks, and there's a long silence. "Stop whining, for the love of…" Her scream of delight cuts him off, and I can hear it clear as a bell, even though she's not on speakerphone.

* * *

It's pitch dark as I walk through the gardens, the sky clear above me, studded with stars. I'm not even thinking about which direction I'm going. I'm not thinking about anything, really, and I'm out of the cold night air before I know it, the heavy wooden doors creaking shut behind me. Burning torches are mounted on the walls, bathing the stone floor in a warm orange glow, and there's a corridor stretching out in front of me, leading into the next chamber of the temple. As I gaze around me, I become aware of the sound of footsteps echoing off the walls, and then I can see him. 

"Why are you here?" he asks, his voice sounding unsettlingly far away, and I don't answer him, just stare as shadows dance over his face.

"I wanted to see you." He says.

"I'm dreaming again, aren't I?"

Jin holds out his arms, and my chest feels tight.

"It's okay."

Even though it's something so simple, just 'it's okay', I'm reassured in an instant, and I run to him, to his open arms and his warmth and his smile.

"I thought you…"

"Shh." He holds me tighter, his chin resting on my shoulder. "Don't worry. Just…" He pulls away to look at me, and everything's okay. "Just remember two years ago."

"You promised…"

Jin brushes a hand through my hair, strokes my face, gently runs his thumb over my lower lip.

"I promised."

Then he kisses me, and it's all I can do not to crumble right there. It's just how I remember, like the two years we've spent apart never happened. His mouth, the warmth of his lips and how gently he coaxes my mouth open, his tongue sliding over mine. I give a soft groan and wind my arms around him, wishing to God that this were real.

"I waited." I tell him breathlessly as he trails kisses over my skin.

"I know." His hands roam over my back, and I close my eyes against the tears that I can feel welling up. Tears of frustration that this isn't really happening, tears of sadness at how Jin left me behind, I don't know.

"Don't cry." His voice sounds different, somehow. "It'll be over soon."

I feel hands closing around my throat, being lifted slightly until my toes are scraping the floor, and I can't breathe, can't scream, can't see straight. I bring my hands up, trying to pry myself free, but there's nothing to grab onto. Suddenly I'm watching us from a distance, watching myself struggle against him, watching his face as he strangles me. Black markings are slowly spreading across his chest, and even though the sight turns my blood to ice, I'm mesmerised by what's happening, so much so that it's a good while before I become aware of someone's presence at my side. It's Jun, with her white headband and dark hair. I try to say something, but I can't speak. There's the sickening sound of bone cracking, then a soft thud as my body tumbles to the ground, and I'm staring into my own dead eyes.

Everything's quiet, except for Jin's quickened breathing, and now he's standing over the dead me, his hands shaking. I look back at Jun helplessly. A tear slides down her cheek, and as soon as I reach out towards her, everything's dark and I'm in my room.

A security lamp outside flicks on, illuminating the curtains, and my watch beeps to signal the hour. It's only three a.m, but I throw off the covers and get up.

* * *

___I'm still here, alone _

___Is this really the right thing to do? _

___I stubbornly _

___Don't want to give up. _

___--- It Was, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	8. Sleepless Night

A/N: Lookit, quick update and longish chapter! I'm cheating though, 'cause I've had the last half of it sitting in my documents folder for ages, but there ya go. Hope you enjoy, there's more Jin than usual. Let me know what you liked and didn't like, I'm always looking to improve.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_Why is it so hard sometimes? _

_Why do I love you so much all the time? _

_I don't want anyone but you._

_I don't want anyone but you._

--- Because of You, Ayumi Hamasaki

**Chapter Eight: Sleepless Night**

It's a freezing night, and I can feel the cold on the window when I put my hand to the glass. Luckily, my mother forced me to pack my scarf, even though I complained and said I probably wouldn't need it, (she also forced me to take my school books so I can study for the university entrance exams, but the less said about that the better) so I throw it on over my jacket and head downstairs. It's funny, but even at three in the morning, the hotel's not exactly dead. I guess I'm not the only night owl around here. As I pass the entrance to the bar, I glance inside, and there's a man with purplish hair sitting at a table with what looks like a martini. He turns to watch a barmaid walk past, and I notice he's wearing sunglasses. Jeez, get over yourself. Someone's playing the piano, and a blonde guy's seated at the bar, chatting with one of the staff. He sounds like he comes from London, or somewhere in the South of England at least. I don't recognise either of them from the last tournament.

For a while I stand there and watch, and let the sound of the piano calm me down, but I can't keep that dream out of my head. Maybe it was just thanks to the pizza I ate before I went upstairs. I did order extra cheese, after all, and people do say that it's one of the easiest ways to give yourself a nightmare. Something about your body having to work extra hard to digest it or something. But my nightmares are normally about stupid things like getting chased by a demonic wheelchair, not about watching myself get murdered by the guy I love.

It's so stupid. I don't know why I care so much after today. I _know_ there's something the matter, something he's not telling me. But whatever the reason, I don't care, and I'm not about to be reasonable about it. The guy wouldn't even give me a_ hug_, for crying out loud. Hey, why _should_ I try to understand? Why am I the one who has to just understand and let him be, to tolerate him pushing me away and just be patient and wait until he sees fit to tell me what his deal is? I'm not particularly patient. It's not one of my strong points.

I just want to help him. I don't want to see him looking so damned miserable all the time. I want to make him smile, make him forget about whatever he's scared of or worried about. I guess I should accept that I'm about as close to him now as he's ever gonna let me get. But I_ can't_ accept it. I want to be closer, I want to understand him. I want him to love me.

I just want to love him and for him to tell me it's okay.

The piano plays on, and I walk outside. Cold air rushes over me, and I zip up my jacket and shove my hands in my pockets. The concrete path glitters with ice, and I head over to the gardens. I can hear the running water of the fountain, and it isn't long before I pass it by, walking slowly towards the grove of trees nearby. I explored here in the afternoon, if you go in further enough, there's a clearing with a little spring and some fallen trees. I think it's actually meant to be a fighting arena, 'cause there are signposts pointing out the way there. I follow them until I reach it, my breath coming out it little white puffs. Then I sit down on the freezing ground by the spring and stare at the moon's reflection in the still water. There's a real sense of peace in this place, it's somewhere I can collect my thoughts and try and make sense of that nightmare.

Miharu keeps a book by her bed, something like _'Understanding and Interpreting Your Dreams.'_ I should have swiped it from her; maybe it'd help some. Of course, that book probably doesn't take Jun into account. What's she trying to tell me? She asked me not to give up on Jin, and then she shows me _that? _Talk about a contradiction. Is she trying to say that if I give up on him, that's what's gonna happen to me? Lovely.

There's the sound of frozen grass crunching underfoot, and I turn from the spring to see who's coming. It's Jin. What was it, again, speak of the devil, (even if it's inner monologue) and he shall appear? It doesn't look like he's slept yet, from what I can see in the moonlight. He looks pale and tired, and he's still wearing that damned tracksuit. At least he hasn't got the hood up this time. He looks like some fifteen year old who should be at school but decided they'd rather go smash a bus shelter instead. When he notices me sitting there, he stops, hesitates a moment, then turns around to leave. I think about just letting him go, just doing what he asked and forgetting everything, but I can't help but snipe at him.

"Wow. That's mature."

He stops, and I get to my feet, dusting off my dress. It would probably have been more intelligent to wear my jogging bottoms, since it's not exactly tropical temperatures out here, but I couldn't be bothered to unpack properly so I just threw on the first thing I saw.

"Is that what you're gonna do every time you see me now?"

"Sorry." He puts his hands in his pockets, lowering his head.

"I've heard that one before."

"What are you doing here?"

He sounds exactly the same as he did in my dream, and a shiver runs through me. I turn away from him and sit back where I was, hugging my knees to my chest.

"I just felt like walking."

"At this time?"

"Got a problem with that?"

He doesn't answer, and I turn to the water again. I can sense him debating with himself what to do, and after a couple of minutes of silence, he comes and sits by my side. I steal a glance at him, but he's gazing forwards like I was up until a couple of seconds ago.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I ask, a feeling of déjà vu slowly dawning on me.

"Couldn't sleep. I dunno why, it's not like I wasn't tired, but…"

"Jin, just shut up, would you?" I know I'm being rude, and I was the one who _asked_ him what he was doing here, but my nerves are in tatters after that stupid dream, and I can't deal with him trying to make normal conversation with me as if yesterday afternoon never happened.

"I hoped…" He shakes his head. "I'm sorry about before. I just… I really hoped you weren't waiting, and…"

"Well I was." I cut him off bitterly.

"…I'm sorry."

"Will you stop?" I snap. "Stop saying you're sorry! I don't give a…" I stop myself, stand up and back away from him a little. "I don't _care_ if you're sorry, okay? It doesn't change anything, at the end of the day!"

"Xiao…"

"Oh, for God's sake. I'm going."

Maybe not for God's sake. Maybe just for mine. I only get a few steps away before he gets to his feet.

"Wait. Xiao, I… I…" He reaches a hand out, then pulls back, then shakes his head. "Don't go, alright? Just wait."

"What for?"

He looks at me, and I can see that he's fighting with himself inside.

"I'm just… I'm scared, and I don't know what to do."

"You afraid of the dark, sweetheart?" For some reason, I can't help but be bratty towards him, even though I can see he's trying to explain himself.

"I never wanted to hurt you, but,"

"Oh spare me, Jin."

"Just listen, okay?" I know I don't deserve it, but… please?"

I fold my arms, looking for all the world like a petulant child, and stare at him expectantly.

"I'm scared for you, Xiao… And me. And I missed you, I did, you have to understand, I just… I couldn't… I was glad we were apart, and I missed you and I didn't know what was happening to me and I…" he trails off, rubbing his forehead agitatedly.

"Jin, you're not making any sense. You know that, right?"

"I saw this…" He pulls at his hair, frustrated. "I saw this girl when I was in Brisbane, and I thought it was you, she looked just _like_ you, Xiao, it was weird, and anyway - she even had pigtails in like you do - but anyway, she was with this guy and he must have been her boyfriend 'cause they were holding hands, and I was so… I was angry, and it's stupid, I know, because she looked so _happy_, and if it was you I should have been happy that you'd moved on and you were happy and things were good for you, but I just couldn't help being _angry_ and I…"

I go to him, put a hand on his shoulder and try and calm him down, because he's just rambling now and it doesn't make sense. I can feel tears stinging my eyes, there's a weird mix of sadness and anger and love swirling inside me and I don't know how to feel.

"It's not _fair_. I didn't ask for any of this." Jin says, and I can hear the pain in his voice. "_God_, I sound like a kid. Sorry, you shouldn't have to listen to this…"

"How can you expect me to understand what's going on, Jin? What happened to you? Why won't you tell me?"

He grabs my hand suddenly, making me jump, and tugs me forward, and I lose my footing and fall against his chest. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually a little scared of him. It's because of that stupid dream. Jin wraps his arms around me, so tightly that I can hardly breathe.

"Tell me… tell me it's okay…"

I manage to pull away somehow to look at his face.

"Why are you so scared?"

He brushes a hand through my hair, strokes my face, gently runs his thumb over my lower lip, and I push his hand away. My blood's running cold, everything inside is screaming at me that this isn't right, that something's happened to him that can't be undone, and he isn't that Jin of two years ago.

"You're avoiding the question, Jin. What happened to you?"

"Please, Xiao, just… tell me everything's okay… please." His voice cracks on the last word, and even though I'm scared, I can't bear to see him so afraid, can't help but pull him close again, and he rests his head on my shoulder.

"I know it's pathetic to ask you to say that, but…" My jacket muffles his voice.

"Why?"

I don't even know why I'm asking him why. He pulls back, but it's only so he can kiss me. And this is real; this is really Jin's mouth against mine. But I can't do this. I can't wrap my arms around him and kiss back and melt against him. I pull away. I just can't.

"Don't." My voice is trembling, and his face is still only centimeters from mine. "Don't, Jin."

"I'm sorry." He says miserably. "I know I'm selfish. I know." Our lips are touching again. "I just… I really need…"

He's kissing me again, his hands in my hair, and I try to push him away but there's no strength behind it. If you want to push someone away, it really helps if you actually want them away from you, want them to stop what they're doing. I don't. I'm greedy for his kisses and touches, for the feel of his hands gliding over my body.

"Xiao, I missed you." He whispers, kissing me hard, and I part my lips to allow his tongue entrance. I wish I were stronger when it comes to Jin. I still don't have any answers from him. I wish I could stay in control, but I just can't help myself. I'm pathetic.

"I missed you." He says again, deepening the kiss, sending bolts of lightning through my veins, making me shudder as he slides a hand down to the small of my back and presses me to him. I wind my arms around his neck, letting his tongue tease mine, and he moans into my mouth when I push my hips into his. I can feel him then, hard against me, and another jolt of electricity runs through me. I remember two years ago, how he told me that he wanted me, and how I was embarrassed and excited all at once. Jin trails kisses over my throat, and I can hear words tumbling from my lips, telling him it's alright, it's okay, everything's alright.

* * *

_I'm inside a dream of you,_

_I am so blind as to dream,_

_To fall into a stream of illogical love,_

_You are my dawn when I'm alone._

--- Nemurenai Yoru, Bonnie Pink


	9. Daylight

A/N: Here's chapter nine. Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, as always, and let me know how you liked this one even if it's a tad short, heh. Oh yeah, to answer your question,** Dilu**, Ayumi's songs are all in Japanese. Nope, I didn't translate the lyrics, (I wish I could translate from Japanese though!) I got the translations from a site called Kiwi Musume. It has translations for virtually all of Ayu's songs, plus loads of other Japanese artists too, and it's the first place I go for translations!**  
**

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_The sun will rise_

_Unaware of the thousands of tears and the pain_

_I swam in a sea of ashes._

* * *

**Chapter Nine: Daylight**

* * *

But it's not alright. I know it isn't, and it can't be, and I'm sure he knows it too, but if it's enough to comfort him, then it doesn't matter, right?

_**Doesn't matter that it's a lie? When did lies become something to cherish?**_

Because that's what I did for two years for you, remembered that smile and those words, and held onto them whenever I felt lonely and doubtful. I wonder if that's what you'll do now? When things go wrong, will my words be enough? Will you think to yourself 'Xiaoyu said things would be okay?'"

_**Is your head always filled with such nonsense?**_

I pull away from Jin.

"What?"

He looks confused.

"I didn't say anything."

I'm about to argue, but how can I? I know he's telling the truth, even though I could swear it was his voice. How would he be able to say anything when he was kissing me, anyway?

God. I'm hearing things now. I think that qualifies as officially going insane.

"You okay?"

He brushes my hair away from my face with the lightest touch, and I shiver. What a question. And as usual, I nod and say, "Yeah, I'm fine," and he smiles and leans down to kiss me again, to wrap his arms around me and rest his head on my shoulder as we stand in silence. There's a flickering lamp at the side of the pathway, and I can see fog, made more visible by the pool of light.

I know that things aren't going to be like they used to be. Jin's definitely changed. Yeah, in a subtle, almost imperceptible way, but there's definitely _something_. I want to stay close to him. It's the only way to find out more.

_**Do you really want to know? **_

That voice, again. It's _his. _But it's not. It can't be. He's holding me close, I can feel his breath on my skin, he's not talking, so how?

_**I wonder.**_

There's a tinge of amusement to the voice, and it's louder than before, making me give a start. Jin steps back with a frown.

"Xiaoyu, what is it?"

"I... I thought I heard something, I guess."

"What? I didn't hear - "

_**Interesting dreams you've been having. I wonder... does she actually think you can help him now?**_

Jin stops, his eyes widening.

"You heard..."

He trails off, stares at me guiltily, and then before I can say anything, he turns around and runs down the pathway. I call his name, set off after him, but the fog swallows him before I can catch up, by the time I get out into the open, there's no sign of him.

I trudge back to the hotel, freezing and confused. What the _hell _went on back there? That voice, it sounded like Jin, but... something was different. I don't know how to describe it, but it was like there was some weird... I don't know, _edge_ to it. Jin heard it, the last time. He must have. What else could have sent him running off like that? What's happening to him? How am I supposed to help him if he won't _tell_ me anything?

Warm air washes over me as I walk back into the lobby. The clock above the reception desk shows it's just past three thirty. There's no piano music filtering through the air, but when I pass the bar there are still people inside. No one pays me any mind, and I wonder whether they'd serve me if I went in and tried to order something. Nah, the staff probably know all our ages, knowing Heihachi. So instead, I go upstairs. But when I get to my room, I stand in front of the door for a few moments, contemplating. I don't want to go inside. I don't want to be alone.

* * *

_You're standing in the entrance of the temple, and it's the same as it was back then, but she's not with you this time, and it was well-lit last time. This time, you can hardly see your hand in front of your face. Darkness stretches out in front of you for what seems like forever, but if this is the same place as last time, then eventually you'll find your way. Easy. Pale light shines weakly underneath the wooden door, a door that wasn't there a moment ago, but no matter. You've seen stranger things. You reach out to open it, and a soft, choked sob reaches your ears. The door swings open of its own accord, as if it were waiting for you to find it all this time. There's someone inside, a woman, the light from the wall-mounted torches glowing in her black hair, and she's the one who's crying. _

What's wrong?

_She doesn't hear you. She's too caught up in her misery to notice you're there, and you hesitate in the doorway, unsure whether you should leave her. There's the scuff of feet on the ground from further in, then a soft thud, and that's what makes up your mind. _

_It's Kazama, his back to you, his hands shaking, looking down at something on the ground in front of him. And although he's obstructing your view, you can see a small hand, the sleeve of a jacket that you recognise, and _no no this isn't real, he wouldn't, she's not,_ and you're running over and getting to your knees and gathering her into your arms, and Jin doesn't move, doesn't see you, and neither does she. Her eyes are staring blankly, her lips parted, and there's the red imprint on her skin of hands around her throat. _

_You know it's useless, can tell by the odd angle of her neck that she's not going to open her eyes, but you still shake her softly, call her name. Your throat's tight, your vision blurred, and you hold her close, trembling, whispering apologies for letting this happen, for not getting there sooner, for not being there. _

You were too late_, she says without speaking. _But it's okay. I forgive you.

_You didn't think it was even possible for someone to jolt upright in bed after a nightmare, thought it was just something that happened in movies and on tv for dramatic effect, but that's exactly what you find yourself doing. There's daylight spilling through a gap in the blinds, and for a moment you sit there, heart pounding, cold sweat on your forehead, and then it dawns on you that there's someone else with you. Xiaoyu is curled up on top of the covers beside you, still in her day clothes, her hair loose and going in all directions. You take a deep breath. This is real. It's daylight. _

Like that makes it any more real.

_You sit up better, look down at her as she sleeps, and absently brush her tangled hair away from her eyes, sigh, shake your head._

"Yep. Definitely gotta lay off the crack, Hwoarang."

* * *

_Fate quietly drifted closer_

_And you burned out alone and disappeared into the sky._

--- Ryu, Tsukiko Amano


	10. Puzzle

_A/N: A quick update? Surely not? Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter, as ever! Ilu guys. This one is mostly Hwoarang being daft and Xiao trying to piece things together, so not much action... but let me know how you liked it anyhow. :) Oh yeah, by the way, I was wondering whether any of you would like me to share the songs whose lyrics are featured here so you can listen to them? If you like, I can make a post on my LJ with the Never Ever 'playlist' and link it in my profile. Let me know. _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_Be by my side even on the days when my heart is covered in snow_

_I'm so grateful for the quiet smiles you give me._

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Puzzle**

* * *

I wake up to the sound of birdsong, and when I roll onto my back I can see Hwoarang sitting up in bed, his hand to his forehead, eyes closed. 

"Morning." I say lazily, and he looks over at me with a smile.

"Mind if I ask what you're doing here?"

"How could you say such a thing? Did last night mean nothing to you?" I mock, copying his line from yesterday, and he shakes his head, yawning.

"Well it can't have been that good if I don't remember it." He grins. "I'm disappointed, Xiao. But seriously, why are you here? Did you get locked out or something?"

If only that were the reason. I sit up, straightening out my jacket, trying not to think about the weirdness that went on with Jin. But how can I not think about it? That's the reason I'm here. I was scared. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to feel safe.

"I felt like talking." I tell Hwoarang. "But you were asleep, and then I couldn't remember what I did with my key, and I couldn't be bothered to go all the way down to reception and get a new one, so I figured you wouldn't mind."

"What time?"

"Umm... about three thirty, I think."

"Not like you to be awake at that time."

"Hey, things change. I've had two years to screw up my body clock, remember?"

He winces. "I guess I've missed a few things, huh?"

"Anyway, what about you?" I ask. "You have a bad dream? You jumped."

"How do you know?"

"I was half awake, stupid. So what was it?"

His smile falters, and he turns away.

"I don't remember."

"Oh come on. Nothing?"

"Well..."

He trails off, staring down at the covers, and I start to feel uneasy.

" I think it involved... being chased by that secretary." He murmurs. "Yeah, I think that was it. And I didn't want to be infected, so I was running like hell, but somehow she was faster than me, and then I tripped--"

"Okay..."

"And she grabbed hold of my--"

"Okay, I get it!" I interrupt, laughing. "I don't think I need to hear any more."

"It was one of those really real dreams, y'know? When you can almost_ feel_ everything that's happening?"

I roll my eyes. "I don't think I like where this is going."

He smirks, looking under the covers at himself.

"Hmm, nah, it can't have been real. No signs of mistreatment..."

"I'm surprised you can tell, with something so small." I snit, and he sighs at me.

"You wouldn't think that if you saw it, babe."

"No, I wouldn't think. I'd _know_."

"Okay, that's it." He says, mock-angrily, grabbing my hand. "Let's see if we can change your mind, shall we?"

I pull my hand from his with a squeal, skittering backwards and nearly falling off the end of the bed, and he laughs at me, throwing the covers off and getting up, stretching.

"Aw, you're wearing pajama bottoms." I say. "How mean. Getting my hopes up like that." His hands fly straight to the waistband of the aforementioned pjs, and I flee into the bathroom, giggling.

"You're mad, you know that?" I call to him, and I can hear him laughing to himself. "Hey, Hwoarang, you don't mind if I borrow your toothbrush do you?"

"Nah, it's fine."

* * *

The sky's clear and gloriously blue, and I'm eating chocolate as I walk across the icy courtyard, so all is well. I'd been planning on doing some training this morning, but I'm not in the right frame of mind at the moment. Hwoarang's teasing earlier was enough to keep my mind off it, and keep me smiling, but walking past signposts that pointed towards the forest clearing brought everything flooding back and a huge cloud of pissed-offness descended over me. So I decided to alleviate it with chocolate. So far, it's working. 

I stop in front of a bench and sit down, snuggling down into my scarf and watching the flowers as they sway in the light breeze. The tournament this time is a little different. For one thing, we didn't have to sit through a long, boring Heihachi speech. And for another, rules are posted on notice-boards around the hotel and grounds. Nothing's changed much in the rules, except we're not allowed to watch the fights this time around. Only the two competitors are allowed in the fighting arena, which sucks. It means I can't study anyone's techniques, which I guess is the whole point. But still, I don't like it. I have to wonder why Heihachi changed it, too.

I stretch my legs and cross them at the ankle, crumpling up the chocolate wrapper and stuffing it in my pocket, and stare up at the sky. This is definitely not what I'd hoped for when I dreamed of meeting Jin again. It's stupid, but I imagined we'd have a happy reunion and spend the rest of the tournament meeting up and talking and doing boyfriendy-girlfriendy things, and cheering each other on in matches. How naive of me. Of course it was never gonna work out that way. I shouldn't have even expected it to. Jin's still as much of a puzzle as he ever was.

Last night, (this morning, whatever) he said that he was scared for me. Why would he be scared? And didn't he say he was scared for himself? Could it be something to do with Toshin? Like maybe he didn't manage to beat him? No, that can't be it. If that was the reason, then Toshin would've killed him. No way would Toshin have let Jin live. That thing wasn't exactly Mr. Reasonable.

So then, what?

I frown, trying to sort out all the information I have.

Okay, one: Jin was scared for himself, and for me.

Two: He said something _happened_ to him.

Three: That weird Jin-but-not-Jin voice in my head.

Four: That last dream I had where Jin kinda killed me.

It all points to some weird goings on in Jin's head, I think. Jun wants me to help him and not give up on him, I know that much. Plus, I know I can piss people off big-time if I try, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the Jin in my dream who killed me wasn't himself. Then there's the whole black chest tattoo thing. Jin doesn't have one of those. So that Jin must have been the Jin-but-not-Jin that got in my head yesterday. Ugh, listen to me. I'm the one who sounds damned crazy here.

I shake my head, standing up and turning towards the hotel. About time for something proper to eat, I think. The match-ups for tomorrow are gonna be announced later this afternoon. I might call Miharu and whine at her for a bit after dinner, once I find out who I'm fighting this time. As I approach the double doors, one of them swings open, and I stop, eyes wide. It's him. Even wearing dark glasses, I can tell, just by the uneasy feeling I get, the sensation of danger and darkness. The spiky hair kinda clues me in too.

Kazuya glances at me as he passes by, and I feel my heart skip a beat, my stomach flutter, and an overwhelming sense of nostalgia. I remember a cold day, birdsong, icy grass and his arms around me.

_Me?_

No, wait. What?

_That's not your memory._

I take a breath, walking into the lobby and sitting down in a chair near the door. My heart slows back to normal, stomach settling. Of course it wasn't my memory. It was Jun's. A faint ache sparks to life behind my left eye. Great. Migraine. Just what I needed.

* * *

_It may not be normal_

_But maybe it's inevitable_

_I won't forget this feeling that I have something I must protect._

_--- Grateful Days, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	11. Trust

A/N: Sorry to keep you waiting with this one. Bloody university assignments, keeping me from what's important! Hope you guys and girls enjoy this chapter, and let me know what you thought. Reviews from you always make my day! Oh yeah, and like I said in the last chapter, let me know if you want me to share the songs on the Never Ever playlist, and I'll post it in my LJ.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_I can't live on memories alone, I need proof of this time  
I try to cut into my heart, but my love remains unchanged.  
_

**Chapter Eleven: Trust**

I lean back on the chair and close my eyes, trying to focus on something other than the insistent throb of my head, and after a few seconds I become aware of the sound of footsteps on the plush carpet of the stairs. When I open my eyes, Jun has just reached the bottom step, and she stands there and gazes over at me, one hand on the bannister. There always seems to be this aura about her, a sort of sad serenity, and I'm not sure whether the emotions that run through me when she's around - feelings of hope and desperation - are something that she inspires in me, or just the way _I'm_ feeling right now, what with everything that's going on.

"I'm sorry." she says.

"For what?"

"You heard his voice, right?"

I nod. "Is it really Jin?"

"...I can't answer that."

"Thought so."

She comes closer, and I stand up.

"I didn't realise." she says.

"Realise what?"

"The reason you can hear him is because of me."

The pain in my head deepens, and I rub my forehead, sudden agitation bubbling up inside me.

"I didn't know that when --"

"Why can I remember things that didn't happen to me?" I snap, interrupting her. "What are you doing to me, Jun? 'Cause whatever it is, I'm not happy about it, okay?"

"Xiaoyu, I -- "

"It's not like I don't have enough to deal with right now, alright?" I interrupt again. "I want to help Jin, I do, but how am I supposed to do anything for him if you don't tell me what the hell's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I know it must be frustrating..."

"No kidding."

"Just... be yourself."

"Thanks for that. It helps so much."

She smiles a little at my sarcasm.

"I'm sorry. I know it doesn't _seem_ much help, but try to trust me."

I ignore her, not returning her smile.

"Why is it your fault that I could hear that voice?"

Jun looks away for a moment, seemingly debating with herself over what to say to me.

"It took me a while to be able to get through to you. But now that your subconscious is open to _me_..." She trails off with a sigh. "I didn't know that he'd be able to speak to you too. I'm sorry."

"Well, can't you do anything to shut him up? I really haven't got a good first impression of him, to be honest."

She shakes her head.

"All I can say is to try and shut out his voice."

"Ignore him until he goes away, right? Yeah. 'Cause that's always worked in my life so far."

"Xiaoyu, try and calm down a little. I believe in you... If nothing else, just remember that."

The ache in my head quickly intensifies and the world tilts around me, my vision fogging over, Jun's figure gradually swallowed up into white.

* * *

"Xiaoyu? Hey, Xiaoyu?"

There's a pressure on both my shoulders, someone's shaking me awake.

"Hello?"

"Mrr..."

That's the only sound I can make right now, because coming back to consciousness feels like such an effort. It's a dim, strange feeling, as though I'm swimming upwards through tar.

"Hey, if you're tired, your room's only upstairs, hon."

"Chr-- Christie?"

"Man, you're really out of it. Don't tell me you've been drinking this early."

"Nnn. I wish."

I hear her chuckle, and she tugs on my hand.

"Come on, I'll buy you a coffee, wake you up."

"Decaf."

"What?"

I somehow manage to gather enough energy to get up off the chair, glancing lazily around the hotel lobby.

"Decaf. My head hurts. Caffeine'll make it worse."

"Okay, but decaf coffee's pretty pointless if you ask me."

"I'll take pointless over a migraine."

Christie leads the way to the hotel restaurant, and we chat about the match-ups that are due to be released in the afternoon. Well, Christie chats, and I try my best to focus on what she's saying and not let my mind wander back to Jun and Jin and Jin But Not Jin and his weird, threatening, disembodied voice.

"Are you nervous about your first match?" Christie asks me.

"Yeah." I admit, and she looks surprised.

"Really? I figured that you guys who'd been here before would be used to stuff like this."

"Well, I thought I would be too. But I guess it's one of those things that just doesn't get any easier no matter _how_ many times you do it."

"You're more experienced, though. You know what to expect, right?"

"Sort of."

"Why only sort of?"

"Well, last time I wasn't expecting it to be so hard. I figured I could easily handle it. Stupid, huh? So now, I know I can't think 'hey, I don't need to train, this'll be cake'. I can't be cocky, you know? Not unless I know I can back it up. And with the people in this tournament, I don't know that I can win."

Christie looks a little worried.

"It's really so tough?"

"Really."

"But I have to win." she tells me as we walk into the restaurant. Hwoarang's sitting at a table near the window, and I wave to him. Through the window I can see the sky's overcast now. Guess the weather can't make its mind up today.

"I have to win, 'cause that's the only way I can be sure I'll see Eddy again." Christie says.

"Eddy?"

"Yeah, he was in the last tournament. Eddy Gordo. You might have seen him?"

I remember a rainy morning in the last tournament, the smell of wet grass, and admiring Eddy's grace and rhythm while I watched his match with Hwoarang.

"Yeah. I never talked to him, but I did see him."

"Doesn't seem like people do much talking to each other in this tournament. You and your boyfriend are the only friendly people I've met so far." she says with a playful smile.

"Not my boyfriend." I remind her shortly as we wait for the coffee machine to finish vending.

"Why not? He's cute as hell."

"We'd drive each other crazy."

"That just means there's a _spark_ there." Christie says sweetly, and I glower at her.

"There is _no_ spark."

She grins and hands me a cup.

"Sure. Here ya go. Pointless coffee."

We carry our drinks over to Hwoarang's table, and I look out of the window again. A light rain has just started falling over the gardens, and there's a gentle sound as it hits the glass. Someone walks past my line of sight, and my eyes focus on him automatically. It's Jin, and even though I know it's really impolite of me, I put my cup down and mumble something about being right back, then turn and make for the doors. Christie calls out to me in confusion, and I just catch Hwoarang's explanation for my behaviour as I hurry off.

"...Terrible smoking habit. Fifty a day. I tell her it's bad for her, but does she listen to me?"

* * *

"Jin!" I cry as I enter the gardens and catch sight of him, walking not too far away. He doesn't respond or slow down, and I break into a run, trying to keep up with him.

"Jin! Wait!"

My trainers can't grip the soaked grass, and my feet slip out from under me as I speed up. I hit the ground heavily, landing in an undignified heap, and normally it wouldn't bother me and I'd just get up and brush myself off, but my emotions are all over the place, and I just feel like bursting into tears right there and giving up. Jin still doesn't stop, and it's the memory of Jun's words in my dream - her voice telling me to be myself and that she believes in me - that spurs me on to pick myself up, swallow the sadness that I'm not even sure is completely mine, and carry on following him. I brush my hands off on my front as I set off again.

"Jin! Jin, wait up!"

He stops, finally, turns around and waits for me to approach him.

"Xiao, please, just go. Stop following me."

I fix him with my most stubborn glare and shake my head.

"Let me help you."

"You can't." he says bluntly, folding his arms. "No one can help, okay?"

"How do you know?"

"I just do."

"Did the _voices_ tell you?" I snipe, and immediately feel guilty about it. Jin stares at me, expressionless.

"You heard it, didn't you?"

"Uh-huh. But I'm failing to see why that means I can't help you."

"Because I want you to stay away. Isn't that enough of a reason?"

"No."

"Well it should be."

"Well it isn't."

He looks at me in despair.

"Xiaoyu, please, for once, just _listen_ to me --"

"No, Jin, listen to_ me_. I don't care, and I'm not gonna stay out of your way. I don't_ care _about that voice. I want to be with you. That's all."

"But I... You don't understand, Xiao. Like I said before... I'll just... I'll hurt you." His voice drops to barely above a whisper. "I'm scared I'll hurt you."

"You've hurt me before and I'm still here."

"Not like that."

I know exactly what he means, I've dreamed about it, but I shrug it off.

"I don't care."

"I care. If I did something to you... if I..."

"Jin, shh." I say softly, reaching up and brushing my fingers over his lips. "You won't."

"You can't know that for certain, Xiaoyu."

"I know. But guess what? I trust you."

He smiles, and it seems a reassuring, genuine smile. The last time I saw him smile like that was after we made our promise two years ago.

"That makes one of us." He says, and walks away from me.

* * *

_ Why do people long, not to be loved, but to love  
And then end up choosing a love that will hurt us? _

_-- Blue Knife, Aikawa Nanase_

* * *


	12. Insight

_A/N: Hi again, people! Finally done with this chapter, sorry to keep you waiting. So, the tournament's about to get underway again, which means fight scenes, which means me tearing my hair out, so I can't promise the next update will be a quick one. But I'll try my best! Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter._

_Oh, yeah, **Totallyloud,** to explain the last bit of chapter 11 for ya, basically Jin doesn't trust himself around Xiao, so he's running away. Again. And **Dilu**, your review really made me smile! I read in your review for DBN that you have some of Ayumi's songs now, but I'll still share the playlist in case there are other songs you (and anyone else who wants 'em) don't have. If you go to my profile, there's a link in there if you scroll right down to 'in progress'._

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Insight**

I'm back inside the cafe, crunching on a cookie that I bought on the way back to the table, when the PA system crackles to life and a pleasant female voice announces that the match-ups for tomorrow's fight have been decided and are now displayed in the hotel lobby. There's the sound of a chair scraping back, and Julia Chang walks past, pushing her glasses back up her nose. Hwoarang stretches lazily in his chair, seemingly not prepared to move anywhere just yet, and I take another bite of my cookie as Christie gulps down the last of her coffee and eyes us excitedly.

"Come on, you two!" she says, standing up. I follow suit, eager to find out who my first opponent's gonna be, but Hwoarang stays where he is.

"Nah, I just got comfortable." he replies with a grin, and Christie shakes her head.

"Didn't you hear that? Match-ups. Lobby. Come on!" She bounces on her heels for emphasis.

"She's got a lot of energy, this one." Hwoarang says to me. "Wonder if she's as energetic when it comes to -- "

"Don't finish that sentence." Christie interrupts, her eyes gleaming with amusement.

"I was just gonna say 'when it comes to her first match tomorrow', that's all." He smiles, all innocence. "You thought I was gonna say something else? I can't think what."

"I find that hard to believe," laughs Christie. "Anyway," she carries on with a sidelong glance at me, "...stop flirting with me when your girlfriend's right there. She'll get jealous."

"I'm heartbroken." I deadpan, no easy task through a mouthful of cookie, and Hwoarang flashes me a wounded look.

"If she showed me she cared," he tells Christie, getting up, "then maybe I wouldn't look elsewhere."

"Aww, are you feeling neglected, baby?" she laughs as we start to walk in the direction of the lobby.

"Yeah." says Hwoarang in a pitiful tone. "I think I need some comfort sex."

"Tell you what, if I win the tournament, I'll think about it." Christie chuckles as she pushes open the doors to the cafe, and we get caught up in the crowd of people heading to the lobby. By the time we get there, it's full of competitors and staff. I can see Nina Williams, but there's no sign of Anna. Julia's standing nearby, and she flashes me a small smile when our eyes meet.

There are a few faces I don't remember from the last tournament, the blonde haired man who was in the bar last night being one of them, and another being this huge, scary looking bald guy who's standing in the middle of the lobby, his massive arms folded, glaring at the match-up screen. I thought _King_ was big. This guy is bigger. I swear, I could probably fit my whole _body_ in one leg of his shorts. But hey, size isn't everything, right? I'm betting lugging all that muscle around seriously slows the guy down, just like it does with King.

I stand on my tiptoes, trying to see the screen better. The match-ups are scrolling down.

_Julia Chang vs. Marshall Law._

_Craig Marduk vs. Yoshimitsu._

At this, Mr. Scary laughs out loud, turning to survey the people gathered in the lobby.

"Which of you is Yoshimitsu?" he asks in a voice that sounds like he's just swallowed a cup of gravel. When no one answers, it only serves to amuse him further. "Too scared to come forward, eh? Ya should be. I'll break your face!"

Hwoarang leans close and murmurs, "You think I should tell him the guy's not even here?"

"I think if you did, he'd probably try to break _your_ face." I whisper back, eyes on the scrolling screen.

It's now displaying 'King vs. Kazuya Mishima', and a shiver runs through me as I read Kazuya's name, and not the 'it's cold' kind of shiver either. More of a 'oh God please just hurry up and kiss me Jin because if you look at me like that for much longer I'm gonna melt into a puddle of slush' kind of shiver.

Ugh.

It has to be because of the whole Jun's-memories-taking-up-residence-in-my-head thing. I mean, how old is the guy? Plus, when I saw him before, he struck me as more scary than sexy. Something about him, his whole aura, just made me feel threatened. It's hard to explain why, but I'm one for trusting my instincts, and all of my instincts tell me to stay far, far away from Kazuya Mishima, regardless of what Jun feels about him.

'Violet vs. Paul Phoenix' scrolls on by, (Violet? Another new competitor, I guess,) to be replaced by 'Nina Williams vs. Hwoarang'. The boy himself blinks as Nina flashes him a scornful look and quickly turns away, her blonde ponytail bobbing as she marches out of the main entrance.

"Huh." He shakes his head. "Why do I get the feeling she's not impressed?"

"Can you blame her?" Christie says with a grin.

"She was probably expecting a challenge." I add, and he rolls his eyes.

"At least she's hot, I guess. It'll give me something to look at. Oh, and two against one? Not fair in the slightest."

"Oh come on. You should be used to it by now with me and Miharu always teaming up."

"And I thought I'd escaped it for a while." He complains. "And it's just struck me I missed out on a perfectly good threesome joke there."

"Ooh, are you losing your touch?"

"_Never_. Hey, I wonder if she'll wear that purple spandex thingy from last time." Hwoarang carries on, getting back onto the subject of Nina. "You think she'd kick me in the balls if I asked her?"

"Definitely. You should go do that, so we can watch and point and laugh."

"You would, too, wouldn't you?"

"I _so _would. I can't think of many things funnier."

"Even if it meant we couldn't have our usual amazing sex for a while?"

"Hey, who's Steve Fox?" Christie interrupts before I can answer through my giggles, and I look back at the screen. It's displaying him as Christie's first opponent.

"I dunno. He wasn't in the last tournament." Hwoarang replies. "Must be one of the new ones."

"Damn. I was hoping you guys'd be able to give me some tips about his style. Oh, hey, Xiao..." Christie points at the screen, and I follow her gaze.

'Lei Wulong vs. Ling Xiaoyu', it says and I feel my stomach tighten. I watched some of Lei's matches during the tournament, and on tape back home afterwards, since Grandfather had recorded them all. His style is unpredictable, to say the least. When I first saw him use the Drunken style for some of his attacks, I wondered if his pre-match beers were catching up with him, and said as much to Grandfather, who was a hundred percent unamused and proceeded to give me a lecture about taking all forms of martial art seriously. Sometimes I think he wouldn't know a joke if it crane kicked him in the face.

I've not seen Lei at all since I arrived here, and I scan the lobby for him, to no avail. Just the fact that he's here at all, though, is enough to worry me. He was investigating the last tournament, and look how that one turned out. I really, _really _don't want to be choked by an angry, glowy eyed monster again. That kind of thing kinda leaves an impression on a girl, you know? I'll start getting a complex.

I guess all I can do is hope he just entered for the hell of it this time. Either way, it's gonna be one tough first round. Great, just what I needed. Leave it to chance to totally screw me over.

"Maybe I should go train a bit." Christie is saying, and I turn to her, planning on asking if I can go along, but a weird, prickly sensation zips down my spine, the feeling that someone's staring at me. I've never had that feeling before, and until now I always thought it was just attention seeking, you know, the whole 'oh, I could have _sworn_ someone was watching me', thing? But right now, a strong feeling of uneasiness comes over me, and I look over my shoulder, hoping I'm being stupid.

I'm not being watched. But as I turn, the lobby doors swing open and Jin walks in. My heart leaps, as it always seems to do regardless of what might have happened between us at any given time, but he doesn't look at me once. Instead, he gazes up at the match-up screen, waiting for his name to appear. Even from this angle, he looks so troubled. I just wish I knew what was going through his mind right now. I wish I knew some way to get through to him. I wish we could sit together, talk about stupid stuff, and he'd just...

_**Let me guess, you want to see him smile?**_

I give a start, staring at him in shock. It can't be happening again.

_**Do you want to know what is going through his mind right now? Some insight? He's trying to focus on anything other than the dreams he keeps having... The dreams where he kills you.**_

I'm still staring when Jin turns, his gaze colliding with mine. And at that moment, countless images flash through my head. His eyes glittering with need - no, not any more - now it's_ malice_, his body pressed against me, myself falling backwards to the floor, his hands pinning me there, mouth on mine, the sound of tearing fabric and blood spilling and my panicked cry of his name and now my strangled scream and his sigh of pleasure and then bone snapping and it hurts, _it_ _hurts so much._

I stumble backwards, bumping into Christie, and her hands automatically grab my shoulders to steady me. I flinch at her touch, coming back to myself, my heart racing, and the lobby door swings shut behind Jin as he leaves.

Even so, it's like his mouth's right by my ear, his voice like velvet.

_**What will you do?**_

* * *

_How far, far away_

_Is the place I'm going?_

_Is it so far, far away_

_That I can never come back?_

-- Ever Free, Ayumi Hamasaki


	13. Drifting

_A/N: Augh, I suck. I pretty much had to force my fingers to type that fight scene, it just refused to be written naturally. So I'm really sorry if it's clunky, pplz. I tried to polish it as best I could. Oh yeah, two of Lei's lines in this chapter are from the Tekken anime, you'll most likely recognise them when you read them. __Playlist's been updated at Livejournal. __As always, thank you so, so much for the reviews for chapter 12, and I hope you like this new chapter. Click the little review button and let me know your thoughts on it, it will make me happy. :)_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_All I'm doing is learning to pretend to be strong..._

**Chapter 13: Drifting**

"So clumsy..." Christie laughs, her hand still on my shoulder. I turn to face her, smile apologetically.

"Sorry about that. Tripped over my own feet."

"Well, if you're gonna fall on someone, fall on him." She nods her head in Hwoarang's direction. "I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

"I'm sure he wouldn't." say Hwoarang, and I shake my head as Christie smiles innocently. This girl... she never misses the an opportunity to tease me. I'm happy we've become friends so quickly.

"I guess I should train a bit." Christie says, stretching. "You guys wanna come?"

Ah, at least we're allowed to train together. Even though we can't watch matches, I suppose taking a sneaky peek when the other fighters train will help some. I still think the whole idea proves Heihachi has a screw loose though.

"Sounds good." I tell Christie. "I'll just go get changed."

"Right, see you there. You know where the gym is, right?"

I'm still shaken up from what just happened, so I decide to head to the bathroom nearby and splash some water on my face. As if that's gonna help. What would you call what I just saw? A vision? A premonition of what's gonna happen to me if I stay near Jin? Not that there's any chance of me staying near him anyway. He all but runs in the other direction to get away from me.

I really thought he felt the way I do. But earlier, when I told him I trusted him, I gave him the perfect opportunity to tell me what's happening, to explain things. I guess it might just come down to the fact that he'd prefer to deal with it all himself, but I can't help but feel hurt. I dunno, it just feels like he doesn't trust _me_.

The cold water tap sounds unnaturally loud, and I rest my elbows on the counter and stare at the running water for a moment before cupping my hands under it. I glance into the mirror and it reflects my tired face back. That alone wouldn't be so bad - I mean, I brought a new tube of concealer for my dark circles and it's nothing that a good night's sleep won't cure anyway - but it also reflects Jun's image, standing behind and to the right of me. I can't help but give a violent start, and as I stand there, frozen in surprise and fright, she slowly lifts her head, her eyes meeting mine in the mirror. I whirl around to face her, and nothing. When I turn back, the mirror only reflects what's there. I'm the only person in the room now.

The automatic air freshener on the wall nearby clicks, spraying lavender scent into the air and making me jump again, and I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I'm not dreaming. I'm awake. Definitely awake. So... why? I turn to the mirror once more, accusingly, as if it could possibly explain. Again, it only shows my reflection. The room's still empty. And the tap's still running loudly, so I sigh and turn it off, reaching up to adjust the white alice band in my hair.

_Huh? What alice band? _

The door swings open just as I jerk backwards from the mirror, and Julia walks in, looking at me quizzically.

"Sorry, did I scare you?" she asks.

"...Uh, no, I'm just a bit jumpy. Too much sugar." I reply, forcing a smile.

When I glance back at the mirror, I'm me, hair accessory free (besides the two coloured bands that hold my pigtails in place), fringe that's partial to frizzing. But for a few seconds back then, I wasn't looking at my own reflection. I was looking at Jun's, and I'm officially creeped out beyond all measure.

* * *

The alarm on my phone wakes me up at nine the next morning, and I spend the hour before my match doing stretches and still being creeped out over yesterday. I know Jun wants me to help Jin, but the whole mirror apparition thing? Not cool. As a result of my inner musings, I can't concentrate on my warm up routine, so I end up abandoning it and arriving at the arena fifteen minutes early. Just to make things even better, it's the arena that looks like a shopping district. Yeah, the place where me and Jin reunited, and he was a complete prick to me. Just being in the place makes me think of how happy and excited I was, how I rushed over to him, the feel of his jacket against my cheek as I buried my face in his chest. I get the feeling the heavens are conspiring against my being able to concentrate on the fight today.

After a time, Lei shows up, and I can't help but smile. I'll always be grateful for how nice he was to me in the last tournament. I suppose I could say that if it weren't for him, me and Hwoarang might not have ended up stumbling across Toshin, but I also might not have got the chance to see Jin again before we left.

"It's been a long time." Lei grins.

"Yeah, where've you been hiding?"

"Oh, here and there." He folds his arms behind his head, stretching. "So, are you feeling confident, Xiaoyu?"

"Hmm, I dunno. I mean, I'm against a super-cop like you after all."

There's a pause, and I'm guessing somehow I just inserted my foot into my mouth, because Lei's carefree smile falters, then dissolves from his face, and he scratches his nose. After a few awkward seconds, he clears his throat, about to reply, but the sound of the PA system crackling into life stops him.

"This match is scheduled to begin in 60 seconds." A female voice announces coolly.

"Let's both do our best." Lei tells me, and I nod, hopping from foot to foot, the familiar feeling of pre-match anxiety knotting in my chest. This is gonna be tough as hell.

For the first few moments of the match, both of us simply study each other intently for any sign of movement, any flash in the eyes that would betray an imminent attack. I clench my jaw, feeling stiff and out of sorts, and not ready in the slightest when Lei makes the first move, his leg sweeping my feet from under me. I yelp in surprise, trying to right myself and only succeeding in smashing my elbow on the ground. Wow, what a promising start. Well, one thing I know from watching his matches at home is that he usually follows that particular sweep with a high roundhouse kick, so I don't spring to my feet the way I usually would, instead remaining sprawled in a heap on the floor. Just in time, I manage to gather my thoughts and roll out of the way of another low kick aimed at my head.

I rise into a crouch and mentally scream at myself to focus.

Right. Phoenix stance. It's familiar and comfortable, as long as I ignore the dull, completely self-inflicted ache in my elbow. Lei inches forward, most likely expecting a low attack from me, and as soon as he's close enough, I leap into the air, my foot lashing out and smashing into his face. I'm rewarded with a grunt of pain for my troubles, and the satisfying sound of my opponent hitting the ground. He jumps to his feet quickly, and I land two palm strikes to his midsection, sending him tumbling back to the floor. It doesn't take him a moment to recover. He palms away my next kick, countering with two quick punches aimed at my face. I block just in time, and his fists slam painfully into my forearms.

My mind is unfocused, thoughts scattered, and as the match progresses and I block and counter, block and counter, I find myself recalling Jun's face staring at me from the mirror. A cold uneasiness crawls through me, and I narrow my eyes, trying to focus on Lei and shake the memory. All I can see in his eyes is steely determination, none of that usual carefree attitude. I suppose we're all the same when we're fighting.

Raising an arm, I knock away the fist that's hurtling towards my head and counter with a strong kick to the side of his face. He staggers back but doesn't fall - evidently my kick wasn't strong _enough_ - and recovers with lightning speed, throwing a solid right hook that I just about manage to evade, his knuckles grazing my nose. The momentum of the punch is enough to spin him away from me, and I make the mistake of attempting to punish what I figure is an error. His fast uppercut slams into my chin, lifting me off the ground. And all I can think of as my back hits concrete (other than 'ow', obviously) is that I really should have known better.

I do manage to recover well, rolling forward and taking up the Phoenix stance once more. I hit Lei with a quick Wave Crest, my forearms crashing into his face and sending him sprawling back. He must be getting tired, I didn't put that much strength behind that. I don't have that much strength to give. Again, we stand facing each other, watching for that first glimmer of movement that precedes an attack, and this time it's me that makes the first move.

I put my whole weight behind a high kick, praying that it'll connect, but Lei rears back quickly to avoid it and his arms windmill round then thrust forward in a palm strike that smashes into my stomach. I double over in pain, gulping in air. He follows up with a barrage of punches that force me back. Somehow I manage to block the finishing kick he throws to my midsection, but he immediately switches to a backflip kick, catching me under the chin again. Needless to say, after that, my face hurts even more. I can taste blood in my mouth. Lei gives me no time to recover, and by the time I stumble to my feet he's changed stance, balancing on one leg, the other knee raised. Though I manage to palm the first kick away, his low followup kick crunches into me, sending pain spiking through my ankles and knocking me off my feet. Again.

My whole body's aching, my breath short, and now it's all I can do to defend against the barrage of blows headed my way. I can't see any opening to attack, everything Grandfather told me about Lei's weak areas has flown out of my head, and I'm just too tired and in too much pain to try and remember. Just as I'm sure the next kick will catch me and finish the match, he stops his assault. I watch him suspiciously, unsure of what to expect, and he suddenly drops to the floor, laying on his stomach. Ah, now _this_ one I know. I've seen it before. He's about to scramble up and hit me with a sweeping kick to the side of the head. This one I don't have to block. I can dodge, thank God. Sure enough, he scrambles to his feet. I drop into a crouch, expecting the kick to slash the air above my head. It doesn't. A sliding kick hits me in the chest full force, knocking the breath out of me, and I land heavily, my vision swimming. I can't do this. All I want to do is lay here and catch my breath.

By some miracle though, I struggle to my feet. My vision darkens, mists over, Lei's image blurs before me. Our surroundings melt away, and he suddenly looks so much younger, his hair shorter. His mouth's moving, forming words that I can't hear at first.

"...I didn't believe it could be a petite woman like you."

_What are you talking about? _

"I just had to see it for myself. I know it was rude not to introduce myself first, please, forgive me."

As I stand there in confusion, his image blurs again and he's running towards me, his long black ponytail streaming out behind him. I stare in panic as it dawns on me that he's about to leap into a flying kick, and I have no time to block. This feeling of panic flares and fades, and without thinking I throw myself into a backflip kick, somehow much more gracefully than usual, and then follow up the attack with an uppercut in a style I've never used before. Lei hits the ground with a groan of pain, struggling to get up as I stand over him, a blanket of calm descending over me.

"Argh... lucky shot." Lei rasps, trying to sit up.

After a long moment, the PA system crackles.

"Ling Xiaoyu wins!"

"Are you... okay?" I ask Lei.

"Ugh, I almost had you. You should thank whoever taught you those Kazama-style moves..." He accepts my hand and I help pull him to his feet. "D-didn't expect that in a million years."

"Kazama style?" I repeat. The feeling of calm that just overcame me's fading quickly.

"Let's just say the last time a woman hit me like that was in the second tournament."

* * *

It's 3:45 in the morning when I open my eyes, sit up and hug my knees to my chest in the gloom. I don't wake up with a start from some kind of bad dream. It feels more like it's natural for me to wake up at this time, like it's something I always do. For the record, I'm lazy as sin, and I'd sleep in until noon if I could, so this should feel like the least natural thing in the world to me. But I sit there, wide awake yet relaxed, staring at the dim glow of the moon through the curtains.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." My voice is soft, my breathing regular and even, not surprised in the slightest at the intrusion on my peaceful solitude. Jin's standing in the doorway to the room. He doesn't come in, or try and press the conversation forward. He just stands there and watches me.

"What's happening to you?" I ask after a long silence.

"I really don't know." His clothes rustle as he moves to lean against the doorframe. "I don't understand it yet. That's why I'm like I am. That's why you can't help."

"But we can work together, can't we?"

He shakes his head.

"You know how I am."

"Let me guess." I get up and walk over to him. "It's dangerous? Like last time?"

"Especially now. With all three of us together in this tournament..."

"All three of you? Who?"

"Me, my father... Heihachi... it's worse than last time."

"Why?"

"Because..." He gazes at the floor, seemingly searching for a way to explain. "I can't protect you."

"I don't need protecting." I say quickly, a knee-jerk reaction, and Jin's gaze locks with mine. The misery in his eyes is unbearable, and I do the only thing I can do, I reach out for him. Maybe to touch his face, maybe to pull him close, I don't know. Either way, it doesn't matter. He steps backwards out of reach, and looks over my shoulder at something in the room.

"You really do." He says, barely audible, and I follow his gaze to the bed where I'm sleeping soundly, my hair half-covering my face, one arm dangling over the edge of the bed. For a few moments, I just watch myself sleep, and then Jin's footsteps sound on the carpet and I turn back to him. He's gone, and as I rush to the open door and peer out into the darkness, a sudden sense of loss clutches at my heart. It's hard to explain, but it's as though I'm finally realising that I can never get back the Jin from two years ago - a feeling that no matter how much I try to hold onto him, he'll continue to drift further and further away from me until he's out of sight.

* * *

_Little by little, I began to accept  
That there are wounds from the past that won't heal  
And that I can't stop the future  
And fearing it won't change anything._

_-- No Way To Say, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	14. Flowers

A/N: Look, the Madame's still among the living! Argh, sorry it took absolutely ages for this chapter, I had the plan all done, but the actual writing the chapter part of my head decided it was going to be a bitch and make things difficult. But we got there in the end! Thanks for the reviews for chapter 13, and I'd love it if you reviewed this chapter and told me what you thought!

**NEVER EVER**

_When the tips of your dreams_

_Pierce your chest even deeper_

_I'll be here, I'll always be by your side._

**Chapter 14: Flowers**

I'm in the gym, standing in front of a raggy looking training dummy, my hair sticking to my face and neck, clothes soaked in sweat, breathing hard and feeling utterly gross. At least there's only a few of us in here right now. I don't think I could handle a packed gym, crowds never fail to annoy me - as Miharu can testify due to always being the one who gets the brunt of my irritation when we're shopping in the sales - so it'd just put me in a worse mood than I'm in already.

For some reason, I woke up in a temper this morning. So, rather than subject anyone else to my mood, I've spent all day putting that negative, pent-up energy into beating the hell out of the training dummies in the gym. And I still have heaps more of the aforementioned energy to spare. I suppose the main reason I feel so irritable is because I've hardly had any sleep. I'm snappy and mean when I don't get my full eight hours, and this morning after my dream, sleep decided it was gonna sit itself down just out of reach and stay there, mocking me. So I threw the covers off at about seven, threw the pillows at the wall, tried to have a nice relaxing shower, and only succeeded in scalding my hand on the water. Needless to say, that little incident didn't improve my mood any.

"Hey, Xiaoyu!"

It's Christie's voice, but I don't turn to face her. I'm still focused on the dummy, contemplating whether to kick it around some more.

"I've been looking for you! Wanna get something to eat in a bit?"

"No thanks," I reply cooly. "I'm good."

"Aw, too bad. And I was gonna share this chocolate with you."

I straighten up, brushing myself down half-heartedly as I turn around.

"I'm not so addicted to chocolate that I --- "

I stop myself as soon as I see what she's holding. Argh, it's the praline type with caramel in it, the type I can only usually get out of the school vending machines, and therefore have been craving all summer. Christie's laughing, and she pulls the bar away as soon as I reach out a little.

"What was that you were just saying?"

"Uh, where did you get that?" I ask, trying to sound mild and not to let my rabid longing for praline show in my expression.

"You gonna come with me or not?"

I glance over at the clock. It's just past midday, and I pick up my water bottle and take a long swig. It's been sitting there for over two hours, therefore it's taken on that bitter, lukewarm flavour, and I grimace as I screw the top back on.

"Okay. I could do with a rest."

"And a shower." Christie looks at the damp patches on my vest and makes a face. "Just sayin'."

I decide to forgo the gym showers in favour of giving the one in my room a chance to redeem itself, and after I've used the lavender and camomile shower gel my mother bought for me to take along, I feel a lot more relaxed, and a lot less inclined to beat the stuffing out of a training dummy for half a day. See, if the shower had only done what it was supposed to this morning, it might have saved me a lot of energy. Rough drying my hair with the towel, I glance around the hotel room for my backpack. I shoved my bright yellow washbag in it the night before I got here, and there should be a new stick of deodorant in there, if I remember right.

The backpack is lying crumpled against the wall, where I threw it a few days ago, and rather than search through it like any normal person would, I decide to tip everything onto the floor to save me some time, since Christie's waiting for me in the lobby. It's a bad idea, incidentally. Out falls my makeup bag, body spray, spare tee shirt for sleeping in, and the hardback folklore textbook that my mother insisted I bring along so I can study for my exams. And of course, when choosing an appropriate place to land, said textbook just has to home in on my foot, doesn't it?

I scream in pain and anger, kicking the offending book with my good foot and sending it flying against the wall, where it balances on its spine for a few seconds before falling open on a double page illustration of Yuki-onna, the snow demon. Kicking it gives me no sense of satisfaction, though, because now my good foot hurts, too. Now, my usual (over)reaction in this case would probably be to write the entire day off and just go back to bed. But I'm in a persistent sort of mood, and since Christie still has that bar of chocolate that she promised to share, I'm sure the day can only get better from here. So I get dressed and dry my hair as best I can with the damp towel I was using a moment ago, throw the hapless textbook an evil glare, and then hurry down to the lobby.

The sun may be drenching the gardens but it's still bitterly cold as me and Christie walk towards the cafe. My damp hair is probably making a significant contribution to how freezing I am, though, come to think of it. Christie's telling me about her match against Steve when one of the hotel side doors swings open and Hwoarang stumbles out, stops, and rubs his eyes.

"What's up with you?" asks Christie, and he looks up, stifling a yawn.

"What've you been up to_ this_ time?" I ask, and Hwoarang walks over to us, but instead of stopping in front of me, he leans in close - resting near enough his whole weight against me - and drops his head onto my shoulder, mumbling something about how tired he is.

"H-hey!" I protest, shifting my feet to try and accommodate his weight, and trying to push him off at the same time. He doesn't budge. I fix Christie with a 'help me' look, and she smiles, making no move to offer assistance.

"This sucks..." Hwoarang murmurs. "Got a match but... don't think I can keep my fuckin' eyes open..."

"Well, you always make out that you could beat half the people here in your sleep." I tell him. "Now's your chance to prove it."

"Funny, Xiao."

"When's your match?" Christie asks, amused.

"Mnn..."

"Hey, c'mon." I try again to push him away, with no success. "You don't wanna be disqualified like last time, do you?"

"You were disqualified? When?"

"Last tournament." I explain.

"I overslept." Hwoarang adds in a muffled voice, face buried in my neck. I can feel his breath, warm against my skin, and his words bring a memory to the surface of struggling to sit up in the infirmary bed, tears stinging my eyes at the knowledge that I was out of the tournament, Hwoarang telling me he didn't want me to wake up and find myself alone.

"So when's your match?" Christie repeats.

"Twelve-thirty."

"Well... you have about...hmm..." she studies her chunky green watch. "...Five minutes."

"Fuck."

He quickly straightens up, shaking his head a little, most likely to clear the fog of sleep. For all my attempts at getting him to stop leaning on me, I'm a bit put out now he's moved. Only because he was warm, mind you.

"Better get running!"

"Thanks for that advice, Christie." Hwoarang scowls, and she shrugs, a picture of innocence.

"You're welcome."

It isn't long after Hwoarang's sprinted off and we've started off again through the massive flower garden that Christie spots someone sitting on one of the benches in the distance and stops, turning to me.

"Hey, isn't that the guy you were running after the other day?" She asks, nodding towards him.

The girl's got sharp eyes to recognise him, from where we're standing the bench's half obscured by rosebushes and large shrubs. Sure enough though, it's Jin, and I hesitate for a moment. Is it really worth trying to talk to him? I don't seem to be getting through anyway, so is there any point? I feel Christie's hand on my back, and she shoves me in his direction.

"Ah, the drama of a love triangle!" She says with a wink. "I'll go ahead okay? Catch up with me in a bit, it's fine."

"B-but Christie..."

"See you soon!"

She skips off before I can argue, and I cast a worried glance over at Jin. He doesn't make a move to leave, so I approach him, still uncertain.

"Hey."

"Hi."

I sit beside him, staring down at the cheerful flowers bordering the path. For a while we're both quiet, then he leans back against the bench with a sigh.

"I'm glad you're here."

I look at him, unsure whether to reply.

"I wanted to see you. I thought maybe you'd walk through here at lunchtime, so I waited."

I keep my gaze focused firmly on the yellow blossoms.

"Jin, you really need to make your mind up. The whole 'keep away from me' thing doesn't really work if you sit and wait for me, y'know."

"True." he laughs.

"If I offer to help you, are you still gonna insist that I can't?"

"Yeah."

"Thought so."

"It's something I've gotta do by myself."

"Thought so." I say again. "Well, far be it for me to interfere with family issues..."

"Hmm?"

I look up, and he's staring at me in surprise.

"What do you mean?"

"Um, you told me, remember? You said it was more dangerous than the last time. Because all three of you are together?"

"I... When did I say that?"

"Last..." I trail off, realising. Great, I'm starting to confuse my dreams with reality. That can't be healthy.

"Last...?"

"N-never mind." I answer hurriedly. Jin looks dubious, and I avoid his eyes, looking back at the flowers.

"It's the Mishima bloodline..." he murmurs after a moment. "I have to... it can't go any further..."

"So you're gonna stop it?"

"Yeah."

"How?"

"I'm sure you can figure it out, Xiao. That's why I don't want you involved."

"You think you can kill your own father? Your grandfather?"

And that was _just_ the right thing to say, Xiao. Well done.

"It's..." He gets up off the bench. "Can we talk about something else?"

"I don't think you could kill anyone." I carry on, standing up and facing him. "That's just not _you_, Jin." It's like I can't control what I'm saying, like the words are spilling out of their own accord.

"Isn't it? I wish I could be as sure as you are."

Jin's reply effectively kills the conversation, and we both stand in silence, me staring down at the flowers, Jin staring straight ahead. Awkward. I wonder how I can lighten the mood?

"Hey..."

"Yeah?"

"You do realise that hoodie makes you look like a complete dork, right? I mean, I know you might think it makes you look all mysterious, but..."

Jin blinks, and for a second I don't think my silly comment had the effect I was hoping for, but then he dissolves into laughter, and the sight is enough to set me off too. I don't think I can remember the last time we laughed together like this. Hmm, wait... actually, I think the last time was probably when I took my homework to his house and he chased after me, trying to steal my biro. Maybe I haven't lost that Jin just yet.

"You know..." he tells me after he's recovered, "Being with you always makes me think that maybe things'll be okay."

I smile, and he pulls me into his arms, enveloping me in warmth. I want to tell him that when he hugs me like this, it makes me think the same, but when our eyes meet, the words dissolve on my tongue. A moment later, he leans down and kisses me, and I'm glad I didn't say anything.

_Don't hesitate anymore_

_I'll pull the blunt thorn out of you_

_And cover the wound_

_Until the day you smile_

--- Bodaiju, Tsukiko Amano


	15. Distraction

_A/N: Yep, hell's frozen over! It's an update for Never Ever! And it only took six months! I'd just like to say thank you to you guys who contacted me to remind me how long it had been since I updated, it made me so happy to know that there were people waiting on an update. So tacklehugs to you all, and I really hope you enjoy this chapter. And as always, I'd love it if you reviewed and told me your thoughts, criticisms, anything! Also... it's just struck me that this is the second time I've joked about Jin's staying power in a fic, haha. Ah, it's how I show my affection for him, I guess._

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

**

* * *

  
**

_The right, right words are here  
But I can't say them yet._

**Chapter 15: Distraction**

For a long time after, I just stay where I am, arms wrapped tightly around Jin, my face buried in his jacket, listening to his quiet, even breathing. The breeze rustles our clothing, carrying with it the faint scent of flowers and the sound of doors occasionally opening and closing far off in the distance.

"You should have more of a tan." I mumble into his jacket.

"What?"

"You were in Australia, right?"

"...Let's just say I didn't do much sunbathing while I was there." he tells me.

"So what did you do then?"

Jin pulls away, and a fierce breeze blows through my wet hair, sending a chill through my body. Reflexively, I hug myself to keep warm, and he sighs.

"Lots of training."

"That's all?"

"Yeah."

"No sightseeing?"

"Not really."

"No wandering the streets in your dorky hoodie looking sulky?"

"Oh, I did a little bit of that."

"Ah. So for two years, you did nothing but train and sulk, basically?"

Jin smiles a little at my teasing.

"Basically."

"I'm honoured you took time out of that whirlwind schedule to send me that cryptic email then."

He makes a small sound of acknowledgement, then realises the mistake and says "Wait --what?"

"So it _was_ you."

"I... what're you talking about?"

"Whatever, Jin. I knew it was from you as soon as I got it. Who else would it be?"

"Didn't follow my advice though did you?" he mumbles, folding his arms. I look up into the sky, still gloriously clear apart from a few wisps of cloud over to the west. Or east. Or wherever, I'm not good with directions.

"Hey, I took it on board."

"You shouldn't have come here. You know that, right?"

_This again._

"Well, it'd have been a wasted afternoon if I hadn't shown up, wouldn't it? Yeah, the flowers are pretty, but surely you could only appreciate them for so long before you got bored."

"You know what I mean, Xiao."

"You know, I'm not sure I heard you the first zillion times you said that." I glare, my mood darkening by the second. "Wanna explain why, since you haven't yet?"

"Because it's -"

"Dangerous?"

"Yes, Xiao." He looks irritated. "It's dangerous."

"Okay. Why?"

He opens his mouth to answer, and I wave my hand dismissively.

"Wait, wait. Let me guess. 'I can't explain, Xiaoyu. You'll just have to trust me on this'. Is that it?"

"...You don't have the slightest idea what Heihachi's capable of, do you?" Jin snaps.

"No, Jin, actually, I don't. So why not _tell _me?"

"Its... I... I just... I can't..."

"Yeah. I knew that was coming."

My voice sounds icier than I'd meant it to, and I turn away from him with a twinge of guilt. I want to be understanding, sympathetic, patient. It's obviously something that's hard for him to talk about, and I don't want to sound so angry and frustrated that he can't share it with me, but I can't help it.

"Xiaoyu..."

I don't answer, just stare down at my trainers as Jin's hand touches mine.

"You're cold?"

"What do you think?"

He takes my hand properly, our fingers lacing together, and I still don't look at him.

"I can't talk about it." Jin says in a voice so quiet I hardly catch the words. "It's... I just... I don't want to think about it. I don't want to remember. I don't want to put it into words. I can't... I just want to forget..."

It's as if just getting those words out is an effort for him. His grip on my hand tightens, and I turn to face him, planning on apologising, telling him it doesn't matter and he doesn't have to tell me. One look at his face though, and I can't get any words out either. His expression tells me more about what happened than any words ever could. If it's something that causes him so much misery, if the mere memory of it pains him this much... I don't think I want to know at all.

"Maybe you're the one who shouldn't have come here." I say softly. Jin lets go of my hand immediately.

"I had to. How could I pass up an opportunity like this one?"

"Opportunity?"

"Like I said before, it's a chance to end this. They're both here."

He looks away, and I say nothing for a while, just watch his profile as he stares off into the distance.

"That's the only reason I'm here." he says.

_Thanks for that, Jin. _

"You do know Lei Wulong's here too, don't you?" I say, feeling somewhere between hurt and uncomfortable. "I'd keep any plans of 'ending' anything to yourself unless you wanna be hauled off."

"Well he lost his match, so he probably won't stick around until the end of the tournament. I guess I should thank you."

It's probably a joke, but I can't help be irritated by it.

"I didn't do it for your benefit, Jin. I do things for myself sometimes, you know."

_For example, the only reason I entered this tournament was to see you._

There's an awkward silence, and I take a deep breath of the cool afternoon air, but it does nothing to lessen my irritation.

"I never said you didn't." Jin mutters.

"Yeah, well who cares how I feel, right?"

"Uh... I'm not following you."

"I'm just saying. As long as I make _you_ feel better, who cares how I feel?

"I don't get how we got onto this subject."

"Why do you think I entered the tournament, Jin?" I ask him. He gazes at me, a hint of realisation and regret in his expression, and I turn away and start walking down the path. The flowers bob their heads cheerfully in the breeze.

"Xiao..." he calls after me. "I... you _know_ I missed you..."

I shake my head. That's not what I want to hear.

"Christie's waiting for me." I say, struggling to keep my voice even.

"Oh... I... I guess you'd better get going then."

"Yeah." I manage.

I don't know why I'm so hurt by one simple, offhand comment. I know he cares about me. He's told me he cares, he's told me he worries. I know he has so much on his mind right now and I shouldn't expect anything of him. But I guess I just can't shake the feeling that all I'm there for, all I've ever been there for, is to provide some sort of distraction from his misery, some sort of comfort. Maybe it's selfish and bratty, but I really wanted to be more than that to him.

* * *

It's past dinnertime, but I haven't bothered getting anything to eat. I had half a sandwich in the cafe with Christie a few hours ago anyway, so it's not like I'm starving. I don't really feel like communicating with anyone right now, even if it's just to ask for a slice of pizza or whatever. So instead, I'm still in my room, sitting in the chair by the window and staring out at the horizon. The sun's just about set, dreary twilight settling in, and as I sit there sullenly, the lamps dotted along the pathway below flicker to life.

"Hey!"

I blink, looking in the direction of Hwoarang's voice. He's standing in the doorway, giving me an odd look.

"Oh, back with us are we?"

"Huh?"

"Jeez, I come to tell you how much ass I kicked in my sleep this afternoon, and this is the welcome I get?"

"...Oh, sorry." I reply glumly. He rolls his eyes, closing the door behind him.

"Lemme guess, you've been so worried about my match that you've sat here moping all afternoon? You should know how much I fucking rock, Xiao. It was total cake."

Through all his bragging, I can see the fight took its toll. For one thing, he looks tired out, and for another, he can't hold back a wince of pain as he sits down on the edge of the bed. Smiling, I decide not to point out either of those things. I'm just happy to have him here, his silliness is a welcome distraction from my sulking.

"Glad to hear it. It's just a shame that if you carry on like this, you'll have to fight me eventually. What a blow to your ego it'll be to get beat by a girl, huh?"

"You wish, Xiao. You know as well as I do that I'd have you spark out in three seconds flat."

"Yeah, you keep believing that."

He grins, flopping backwards on the bed, folding his arms behind his head, t-shirt riding up to expose a few inches of his toned stomach, which I did not even notice, much less admire, thank you very much.

"So, what's the gazing moodily out of the window thing all about then?"

"Oh, nothing. Just longing for you, as usual."

"That so? Get your ass over here then, I should definitely have enough energy left to do you for... oh, half an hour."

"Ha, such a romantic." I giggle.

"It'd be the best half hour of your life and you know it." He sits back up, smiling. "Come on, kiddo. What're you pissed about?"

"Just..." I trail off, sighing. A light, misty rain has started to fall, tapping gently at the window. Hwoarang stands up, wandering over to the small work surface where an electric kettle is plugged in, a bowl stuffed with sachets of sugar, single teabags and coffee sitting next to it. I filled the kettle last night, but never got around to making anything.

There's a click as Hwoarang flicks the kettle on, then he moves over to stand by the corner table, currently strewn with all the stuff I emptied out of my bag this morning.

"Just what?"

"I saw Jin this afternoon."

"And?"

I turn to him, and he's flicking through the evil, toe-targeting folklore textbook.

"I just wish he'd... I dunno... It doesn't matter. I'm just frustrated, I guess."

His hand stills on the page, and he glances at me, eyes glinting with amusement.

"What, he comes too quick? It happens to the best of us, Xiao, take it as a compliment."

"What? No! _Hwoarang!_ I didn't mean..."

I stop my protests abruptly, wondering why I'm so flustered at such a silly comment. I mean, I've thought about what it'd be like to go that far with Jin, obviously, but I've sort of got an idea in my head of what my first time would be like. And it doesn't involve premature ejaculation. Hwoarang's turned back to the textbook, laughing to himself.

"Guess I hit the mark."

"Stop being so gross."

"Stop being so _gross_!" he imitates in a whiny voice that sounds _nothing_ like me.

"How old are you, again?"

The kettle clicks off, steam billowing from the spout, but Hwoarang ignores it, frowning down at the textbook.

"...Huh."

"What's up?"

"I uh... I think I recognise this."

"Recognise what?"

I rise from the chair and go over to him, peering over his shoulder, a chill running through my veins as I realise what he's looking at. An illustration of some kind of demon glowers from the double page, familiar black markings inked across its forehead and chest.

* * *

_Even if you cut the strings that control my body  
So badly that I can't move  
If you didn't hold me  
I wanted to make you._

_--- Ningyou, Tsukiko Amano_


	16. Illuminate

_A/N: Wow, it didn't take me six months this time! This one's another one of those talky chapters, but I hope you like it nevertheless. Thank you so, so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I love you guys, and I'm really glad you're enjoying the story! I really hope you enjoy this chapter too. For some reason, it took a while to get it down on virtual paper, even though the word count's the same as ever!_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

_

* * *

_

_I can't even protect the hand I'm supposed to be holding..._

**Chapter 16: Illuminate**

"Almost there..."

Brilliant sunlight glistens on the surface of the water, and I sit down, listening to the sound of grass rustling softly in the warm breeze as the stream rushes past me, winding its way deeper into the forest.

_I shouldn't... shouldn't be near him..._

Barely a whisper, but... was that Jun's voice? She sounded close by, but I don't see her anywhere.

"There's only a little more to figure out."

I don't look at Jin, instead focusing on the glittering water, but I can feel him next to me, and just that is enough to tie my stomach in knots. I can't help but think of the times when that effect was solely down to my planet-sized crush on him, that hope that he'd maybe tell me he'd been thinking about me, that he liked me, that maybe we should go on a date sometime or something. Now it's so much more than just that, and as a result, the most powerful emotion I feel right now isn't the eager, giddy anxiety of the past. No, now I'm uneasy, tense.

"You're afraid?"

His voice is gentle, laced with sadness. I wish I could deny it, but instead all I can do is nod, worried that if I speak, he'll catch the fear in my voice.

_That aura... he isn't... there's something that doesn't belong..._

"Of me? Or of finding out what happened to make me like this?"

"Both, maybe..." I reply, still staring at the water. "But I still want to find out."

"It's alright. You're not the only one who's afraid. But... you... I didn't want you to be."

_What is it? What am I afraid of? _

"Jin... I'm sorry."

"Don't worry." he sighs. "Of course you're scared. I'm scared too. I thought I was strong enough after two years. But I suppose..."

He gets to his feet and moves closer to the water's edge. The sun continues to illuminate our quiet little clearing, its bright rays unobscured by clouds, and on the other side of the stream I see Jun. Wait, that's not the right way to explain it. It's weird, like she's not really there, just a hazy afterimage, a memory rather than something that I can interact with. I watch as she dips her bare toes into the meandering water, her white sandals dangling from one hand.

"Xiao... to tell you the truth, I think I'm losing myself."

_And why am I still... _

Jin turns to me, his eyes locking with mine, and I want to reassure him but my voice won't work. He shakes his head.

"Right now I'm okay, but I'm worried that if I don't fight as hard as I can to keep control, then eventually I'll be the one who's suppressed... who can't get through... and then... if that happens, I..."

My vision flashes white, and Jun's voice becomes louder, enough that I can catch the despair and confusion.

_I want to see him... Maybe all I need is a little more time, and then I'll work out what it is I'm sensing about him. Something about him... I've never experienced such a thing... But still, I want to see him again. Not only because I'm worried about this, but because I... I just want to. Does that make me..._

"...selfish?"

"Wh-what?"

My head is swimming with memories and thoughts that aren't mine. Jin turns his face away and for a moment he looks entirely too much like Kazuya.

"Never mind. I know it does, but I can't help it. Just talking to you... it helps. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the struggle to keep in control. It'd be so much easier just to stop fighting... but you... if you're there... then..."

"**Xiao? Snap the fuck out of it! I'm the one who should be tired!"**

Suddenly, I'm no longer sitting on the grass, but instead right on the water's edge, struggling to get a foothold. Jin's hold on me is the only thing preventing me from falling into the stream, and he smiles a little, squeezing my hand reassuringly.

"Almost..." he murmurs. "Just a little more."

Then he lets go of me.

* * *

Cool water splashes my face and drips through my hair, and my eyes snap open as I gasp in shock. Hwoarang's standing over me, an upended glass in his hand, and all I can do is stare stupidly up at him until he arches an eyebrow.

"Well?" he demands. "What the hell was that about?"

I sit up, drying my face with my t-shirt, becoming rapidly aware of a dull pain at the back of my head.

"What?"

"Fucking _great_ time to decide to take a nap, Xiao, I gotta say. You might wanna make sure you're at least sitting down next time."

"Mnn..." I groan, accepting his offered hand and allowing him to pull me to my feet. "My head hurts..."

"Yeah, you hit it on that cabinet thing. It was kinda funny until you didn't get up."

I scowl at him, using my free hand to push my wet hair out of my eyes.

"It hurts."

"Must've hit it pretty hard. Good thing you're not dead, huh?" he asks breezily. "That'd have been a bitch to explain. 'It was self defence officer, I swear! She knew I don't believe in sex before marriage, but she wouldn't take no for an answer so I smacked her with a cabinet.'"

"Or you could just tell the truth." I mutter, not amused and still groggy from the dream. And most likely the head trauma. "And why are we talking about this?"

"Okay, okay, wanna tell me what all that fainting thing was about then? At first I thought it was just a side effect of getting too close to me and my awesomeness, but you should be used to that by now."

I smile. I can tell his nonchalance is forced, and that, coupled with the amount of stupid jokes he's making means he must have been worried. Plus, he's still got hold of my hand, which also clues me in a little.

"Sorry if I scared you."

He blinks, then drops my hand, turning away from me and folding his arms.

"That's not answering my question. And don't apologise, stupid. Just don't do it again."

"Okay." I smile, but I know I can't guarantee it. I don't exactly have any control over when the next episode of _Surreal Moments with the Kazamas_ airs.

"So I'm guessing you recognise it too?"

"Recognise what?" I rub my head again with a wince.

"That." Hwoarang points at the textbook, still turned to the page with the demon illustration. "Knowing you, you haven't read that book before, so where do you recognise it from?"

"Well... uh... Where do _you_ recognise it from?"

"I asked first."

"But I'm prettier than you."

"My dick's bigger than yours."

I sigh.

"That might have more of an effect if I actually _had_ a dick, Hwoarang."

"I could make a really easy joke about Kazama right now, but I won't."

I give up.

"Okay, fine. But if I tell you, don't think it's weird."

"Depends if it _is_ weird."

I scowl at him until he sits on the edge of the bed with an innocent smile.

"Go on then." he tells me, and I sit down next to him.

"I've been having these weird dreams..." I hesitate, glancing at him. Surprise flickers across his face, then he takes to staring at the floor.

"And?"

"Well, sometimes they're dreams, sometimes it's sorta like a... a daydream I guess. Anyway, in one dream I saw... someone... with those markings."

"Someone." he repeats, sounding annoyed. "Kazama, you mean?"

As I blink, wondering how he managed to draw that conclusion, he stands up and goes over to the window, peering out into the dark.

"Yeah, thought so." he mutters when I don't reply.

"How did you..."

"The book says those markings're a sign of demonic possession." Hwoarang carries on, ignoring me. "But it's talking about myths, right?" He flips the book closed and reads the title aloud. "Japanese Folklore, Fairytales and Fantasies."

"Demonic possession's hardly the stuff of fairytales." I point out.

"So, what, you're taking it seriously?" he asks, skeptical. "You had one dream, and you're worried Kazama's gonna go Linda Blair on you now?"

"It's not just the dream..."

I want to tell him everything, the things that Jun told me, the Jin-but-not-Jin voice I heard, Jin's words in the dream I just had... But I don't know where to begin, and I don't even know if he'd take me seriously now. It doesn't seem like he wants to be having this conversation.

"I know." Hwoarang murmurs. "There's something different about the bastard, I know. Even _I_ can pick up on it, so it's gotta be a big difference. But does it _have_ to be something like that?" He comes back over to the bed and sits beside me, heaving a sigh of exasperation. "Fuck, it was weird enough _last_ time."

"Tell me about it."

I think back to that night in the last tournament; the fight with Toshin, how afraid I was, even though I tried my hardest not to let it show. I don't want to experience anything like that again, and I especially don't want Jin to have any hand in it. I'd rather he didn't attempt to murder me in real life, thanks.

"So... any ideas on what to do?" Hwoarang asks. I glance over at the textbook, and he looks pained. "Anything other than reading, I meant."

* * *

"Soybeans."

I look up from the dogeared library book on myths that I checked out, thinking it might help with my revision for my entrance exams. The textbook that Hwoarang's been looking through is supposed to be the only one we'll need, but, you know, a good range of material helps and all that. According to my mother, at least.

"What?"

"It says here that people throw soybeans outside their houses to.. uh... keep demons out. So... we could... uh..." He trails off, scratching the back of his head. "Uh..."

"Throw soybeans at him?" I ask mildly. For a moment, Hwoarang's expressionless, then he throws down the textbook in a huff.

"You think of something then, genius! It's not my fault this book blows."

I lift my own book up in front of my face to hide the fact that I'm having trouble smothering my laughter. I'm guessing he notices my shoulders shaking with suppressed giggles though, 'cause when I chance a peek over the top of the book, he's glaring at me.

"I'm going for a slash." he announces, standing up abruptly.

"Thanks for that information."

I turn my attention back to the book, a sentence jumping out at me as I scan the fresh page.

'_There are a large number of demons which were originally human beings, transformed into something horrific and grotesque, usually by some sort of extreme emotional state_.'

I'm suddenly struck by a memory of Jin's tormented expression from this afternoon. 'You don't have the slightest idea what Heihachi's capable of, do you?' he'd said.

I think I'm starting to piece this together now.

_Almost there._

* * *

_You cried as you said you wanted to be stronger  
You said that only to me, while I hid something from you._

--- Criminal, Ayumi Hamasaki


	17. Determination

A/N: Finally got this one written! Sorry for the wait. I hope you guys and girls enjoy reading it, and as always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on the chapter! Also, there's a bit of a treat for anyone who likes pretty fan art. My cousin drew a kind of front cover sort of thing for the story, it's awesome and features cute army haircut Hwo. If you go to my profile, there's a link to the pic there.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_We are beautiful fighters  
There are definitely days  
When we feel like we can't go on  
But don't stop, don't give up_

**Chapter Seventeen: Determination**

"Hello-o?"

Miharu's as cheerful as ever as she sing-songs her greeting, and I can't help but smile at the sound of her voice.

"Hey, it's me. I've just got a---"

"Xiao!" she shrieks, interrupting me. "How's things? You've had a match already, right? How'd it go? How much ass did you kick? How's Hwoarang? Has he had a match yet? Wait, wait, forget matches, let's talk about what's _really_ important! Did you see Jin?"

"Calm down, Mi," I laugh, shaking my head and trying to ignore her last question. "Yeah, I've had a match. Yeah, Hwo has too, and yes, we both kicked copious amounts of ass."

"Great! I knew you would do! So, how's the competition? You think you can win this time?"

"Erm... well, I've got a match tonight, so I can _try_." I can feel warm reassurance running through me in response to Miharu's enthusiasm.

"Tonight? Against who? You worried?"

"Violet." I tell her. "He wasn't in the last tournament. I've never seen him fight before, so I'm sorta worried, yeah."

"Naah, no matter how he fights, you're gonna smash him!"

She sounds so sure, but then again she was just as sure two years ago, and I didn't exactly plough through all my opponents with ease. Even so, I can't help but smile.

"Man, I wish I could come watch you both, I'm so _bored_ over here, Xiao! All I've been doing is _studying. _I can't believe how much stuff there is to get through! I'm never gonna pass these exams, not in a million years."

"You say that every time." I point out. I can picture her face as she carries on talking, see her eyes wide with worry and her hair tousled from where she's been pulling at it. She does the same thing every time exam season rolls around and things always work out fine. Me and Miharu are planning on going to the same university, so we'll both be taking the entrance exams come spring. Since if you fail you have to wait a whole year before you can take it again, passing it's sort of a big deal. Hence the whole hitting the books even though the exam isn't for a while yet thing.

"I just know I'm gonna screw up." she sighs. "And I've gotta swing by the library at some point cos I've lost one of my textbooks, and every time I go in I see people from school sitting there cramming, and it freaks me out. People who don't even need to! Like Hikaru, and since when has he ever took exams seriously anyway? It makes me worry that I'm not doing enough."

Hikaru's one of Mi's classmates, a cute, carefree type who she had a huge crush on a couple of years back. I remember us chattering on about him for ages over the phone, her swooning over his gorgeous green eyes, telling me how it was love and neither of them paid attention in Geography so they were obviously soulmates. I also remember exchanging amused looks with Hwo when Hikaru walked into the common room, Miharu's death glare defying us to make any type of comment. An unexpected feeling of sadness and longing overtakes me, like a gentle wave washing away the cheeriness Mi had sparked during our conversation up until now.

I suddenly - desperately - want to go home, go back to when me and Miharu would sit by an open window in the common room, the spring breeze fluttering through Miharu's hair as she excitedly told me the latest bit of gossip. I want to go back to when me and Hwo would skip class, when it was late in the autumn term and we'd walk together and he'd tell me I looked like a complete dork in my red oversized wooly hat, pull it down over my eyes and nose to annoy me. I want things to be as simple as they were back then. No tournaments, no demonic possession, no weird dreams or visions.

Miharu's still talking about her academic woes, and I almost resent her for fretting over such ordinary things. Things that seem so utterly minor and silly compared to the prospect of Jin becoming what I saw him as in my dream. But I can hear the agitation in her voice as she tells me she did two hours of study last night before realising she was revising things that wouldn't even be coming up on the exam, and I immediately regret thinking that way.

"Mi, don't worry." I try to sound comforting. "It's the last thing you want to be doing, right? Getting yourself worked up isn't gonna help. You need to calm down a little."

"I know... I know. I just wanna do well, Xiao. I want people to be proud of me, you know?"

"Yeah. I know."

"Sorry for going off on one." She sounds like she's smiling. "Listen, good luck with your next match. I guess I'd better get to the library before it closes. Call me soon, okay?"

"Miharu, can I ask a favour before you go?" I feel guilty for asking her when she's got her own stuff to worry about, but I have to. "I've been doing some studying of my own, and there's one topic I'm stuck on."

"You're asking _me_ for help understanding it?" she asks, dubious.

"Umm, I just wondered if you could maybe copy some stuff out and email it to me? I know you're busy..."

"Well if it's for these exams, it's something I need to know anyway, right?"

"Uh, kinda. I guess."

"No problem then. What am I copying out?"

* * *

The elevator doors slide open noiselessly, and I step out onto the glass roof of the building, gazing down at the floor far below; black and white tiles arranged in a checkerboard pattern, illuminated by warm lighting. It'd be a long fall if the glass shattered. Better not entertain thoughts like that, I suppose. I'm sure they wouldn't let people fight up here if it wasn't safe. Right?

There's definitely more than enough space to move around up here anyway. I gaze around the arena, noting the time as displayed on the huge clocktower opposite. It's two minutes shy of seven p.m, the night sky covered with inky clouds. Violet's already here, leaning on the railing and staring at the cityscape. He's a sharp dresser, all silk shirt (violet in colour, naturally) and pinstriped waistcoat. His matching trousers ruffle in the strong breeze. An impressive stone lion stands proudly nearby, mouth open in a roar. There's a statue just like it at school, and I brush off the pang of longing that flickers in my chest. If someone'd told me a week ago that I'd be standing here at the fourth Iron Fist Tournament wishing I was back at school and taking lessons and being told off by English, I'd have laughed in their face.

"This match is scheduled to begin in sixty seconds." the PA system announces, and I make my way towards Violet.

I'm trying to figure out why he looks so familiar as he does a few warmup kicks, and I bow with a nervous smile. Usually, I can gauge when someone's gonna make a move by watching their eyes for that telltale split second gleam, but Violet's wearing expensive aviator sunglasses so I don't have that luxury this time. Just before the bell rings, a gust of wind whips my pigtails around and ruffles my clothes, and I'm glad I chose my tracksuit for this match instead of the dress.

So quickly that I hardly register the movement, Violet leaps into the air, his foot lashing out at my face. I somehow manage to duck in time, diving to the left and rolling to my feet, glancing over my shoulder to check he's not in pursuit. Nope, he's still in the same place he was when he landed, bouncing on the balls of his feet, the city lights mirrored in his glasses. He's waiting for me to make the next move.

Something's pulling at the back of my mind, I can almost feel my focus unravelling, and I force myself to shove it aside and concentrate. There's no way I can allow anything to distract me less than thirty seconds into battle. That'd lead to me crashing out spectacularly, Violet doesn't look like the type to pull any punches. Not like anyone here _would_, really. I charge towards Violet, the glass roof rattling as I race across it. He's probably expecting me to jump or maybe just charge into him, but I come to a stop a millisecond before we collide, spinning out of the way of his incoming fist and seizing his outstretched arm. Flipping him over comes as second nature after all the sparring with Grandfather in the months before the tournament.

Violet recovers in a flash though, springing to his feet and catching me in the ribs with his boot. I almost take a tumble, but manage to right myself, sucking in a breath at the pain. He swiftly follows up his attack, his foot snapping forward and striking me under the chin. It catches me completely by surprise, and hurts like _hell_. My hands come up to my face automatically, and I lurch out of the way of a second kick, trying to shake off the daze. The glimmering horizon swims before my eyes for a second, and I blink rapidly, bringing my arm up to palm away another kick aimed for the side of my head.

My vision sharpens again, and I drop into the Phoenix stance, narrowly avoiding the fist aimed at my face. Violet attempts a low sweep kick, just as I figured. Before it can connect, I spring upwards, one foot slashing through the air towards his head. He avoids it easily, but the second kick hits its mark with a satisfying crunch. Violet staggers back, pulling his broken sunglasses off and tossing them over the railing.

Again, something tugs at me, the same sort of feeling as you might get when you see someone you vaguely recognise, but you just can't remember where from. Sweeping the sensation aside, I wait for Violet's next move. Now I can see his eyes, I feel much more confident, although I do feel sorta guilty for smashing his Armani shades. They've gotta have cost far too much.

Maybe he's really annoyed about it, because he dashes forward into a sliding kick, knocking me clean off my feet and sending me crashing to the glass ground. I smack into it elbow first, a stabbing pain whizzing up my arm, but quickly roll to my feet, ignoring the insistent throb. Violet deftly sidesteps my flying fists, and before I can turn or react, his arm locks around my head. As I struggle to twist out of his grip, he leaps forward, taking me with him. I see the floor rushing up to meet me, crying out as he slams my face into the glass. For a few seconds I'm still, trying to deal with the shock and the sheer pain and to remember how to breathe again, and he rams his foot into my side. My body jolts with the impact as he kicks me over and over, and I try to bring my knees up to protect myself from the assault.

I need to roll to the side, jump to my feet and gather my strength. More than anything, I need to get out of harm's way, to ignore the white spots in my vision and get back in the fight. I roll onto my back with a groan, a warm trickle of blood escaping my mouth, and force my eyes open. Violet is standing over me, and the look in his eyes, the eyes that I was so sure I needed to see, tells me everything I need to know about him, what I feel like I already knew. There's a fierceness in his expression. His eyes gleam with determination and the desperate need to win this battle, to get further, right to the end, to face Heihachi Mishima and come out victorious.

I roll out of the way of another well aimed kick and rise to my knees, trying my hardest to disregard the fire blazing in my side and gulp some air back into my lungs. No matter how determined or how desperate Violet is to win, whatever his reasons are, I can't let it end like this. There's the beginnings of a smirk on his face as he watches me taking in shaky breaths, and when he throws the next punch at my face, I can tell by his expression that he thinks it's gonna finish things. He's got no doubt it'll hit its mark. But I block, gritting my teeth as his fist slams into my forearm, then throw myself into a cartwheel to avoid his followup kick. Hardly the most graceful move; my body travels in a messy arc thanks to the fact that I'm trembling with pain, but at least it gets me out of range of Violet's heavy boot.

I've landed facing away from him, and he rushes towards me, his foot arcing through the air for another high kick. It's the opportunity I was hoping for. I slam my elbow into his unprotected stomach, praying it's enough to force him back. He growls, doubles over, and my foot strikes him in the face, sending him staggering. It's not strong enough to knock him to the floor, but I'm not giving up. I won't. Adrenaline surges through me as he starts to recover and straighten. No. I can't allow him time to react. I pull back both palms, slamming them into his stomach as hard as I can. His back hits the railing with a sickening crack, and then as he crumples to his knees, I gather my remaining strength for one last kick, putting my entire weight behind it. It catches him in the side of the head and he gives a pained groan as he goes tumbling over sideways, the glass shuddering with the impact of his body.

I somehow keep my defensive stance up even though I'm shaking and tears are blurring my vision as I stare down at him. Violet struggles to get up, rising slowly, and I watch, the adrenaline that was buzzing through my veins just seconds ago fading rapidly with every passing moment. His mouth is trying to form words.

"This... can't... I have to..."

He tries to move towards me and falls to his hands and knees with a thud, shakes his head. Both of us are silent.

"Ling Xiaoyu wins!"

The loud announcement makes me give a violent start, and just that slight jerk of my body sends pain spiking through me. Violet doesn't move, and I stand over him awkwardly.

"S-sorry about your glasses. I'll uh... buy you some more..."

* * *

_We are beautiful fighters  
We cried just a little tonight  
But we girls are fighting  
With a brand new tomorrow_

_--- Beautiful Fighters, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	18. Realisation

A/N: Thank you so much to those of you that reviewed the last chapter! I'm glad you're still reading, even though I take aaaages to update, haha. Oh yeah, to answer your question **Dreaming Sapphire**, in Tekken 4, Lee Chaolan disguised himself as Violet. :)

I wanted to update at least once more this year, luckily when I took a look through my files, most of this was already written and just needed polishing up a tad. So here it is. I hope you enjoy it, and as always, I'd be really grateful if you let me know your thoughts on the chapter, and feel free to point out any mistakes I need to fix.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_There will always be__  
One person who needs you  
That person who needs you  
Will surely always be  
Smiling by your side._

**Chapter Eighteen: Realisation**

I ride the brightly lit elevator back to the ground floor, leaning against the wall and trying to ignore the insistent pain spiking its way through my whole body. Well, probably not my _whole_ body. My fingers and toes are relatively pain-free, if I'm honest. Gotta look on the bright side, right?

I look up, catching sight of my reflection in the mirror above the control panel and wince. My face is red and blotchy, probably with the beginnings of bruises, my eyes bloodshot from crying, and there's a semi-dry trail of blood across my cheek and down my neck. The hair that came loose from my ponytail during the fight is matted with it. Miraculously, my nose is still in one piece after Violet slammed my face into the floor, so I'm thankful for that, but still, it's not a pretty reflection. I really need to clean up. Maybe once I get a shower I'll feel a bit better.

When the doors slide open, I spot Hwoarang a few yards away, arms folded, scowling at the shiny floor tiles as though they've mortally offended him. It doesn't worry me, that's his usual expression whenever he's waiting around for something for more than three seconds, so I'm guessing he figures my match took too long. I smooth my sticky hair behind my ears self-consciously as the elevator chimes and draws his attention to me. His eyes widen and he pushes away from the wall to approach me, and I'm just waiting for him to make some stupid comment about how terrible I look. Like I'm not aware.

"Did you win?"

It even hurts to nod.

"Why'd you let him smack you around so much? You look fucking awful."

Anger flares in my chest and I push past him, biting back a growl of pain when I bump into him with my shoulder. Yeah, not the smartest decision, Xiao.

"Well, not all of us can be as _amazing_ as you." I snap.

"Obviously, judging by the state of _you_."

I shoot him a poisonous look and try my best to storm off with some sort of dignified air. Probably pretty much impossible when you're limping, but I'll damned well take a stab at it.

"I was _joking._" Hwoarang sighs, catching up with me. "About the first part anyway..." he adds in a low voice, and if it wasn't likely to hurt me more, I'd hit him. Since I can't, I settle for shrugging off his offers of help and struggle all the way back to the hotel without his support. Which probably hurts me a lot more than it bothers him.

Back in my room, I wash my face and change clothes, pulling on a black vest and the shorts I usually wear for bed, then take a bowl from the shelf in the little kitchenette area and pour some antiseptic into it. I brought a bottle of the stuff with me from home, and the strong scent reminds me of sitting in the kitchen as a kid, crying over whatever scuff or graze I'd got while I was playing outside as my mother made soothing sounds and dabbed at me with cotton wool. Hwoarang sits on the bed and watches me for a while as I sit in the chair in front of the window, trying to clean myself up.

"Wouldn't it be better to go down to the infirmary? I'll go with you if you want."

"Why, is the nurse hot or something?" I snipe, and he arches an eyebrow.

"Not as hot as you were before you washed your face."

I glower at him, and I'm about ready to tell him to either shut the hell up or get the hell out when he walks over and takes the wad of cotton wool from me.

"Let me do it, you'll be here all night."

"I can do it myself." I protest. He totally ignores me, of course, and I don't have the energy to argue.

He's surprisingly gentle as he cleans my scratches and grazes, probably caused by Violet's boots. Mind you, he had a few rings on too come to think of it. Over his gloves and everything. I mean, who _does_ that?

The antiseptic stings a little, but relaxation has settled over me like a comfortable blanket, and I can't drum up the motivation to annoy Hwo by complaining. He's swabbing a graze on my collarbone now, and I watch his face, my irritation at him melting away. He can annoy me like no one else, but he can also cheer me up like no one else. It's always been that way. When I'm feeling sorry for myself, there's no one but him I'd rather be with.

His hand stills and he looks at me questioningly, and I realise I'm smiling.

"Thanks."

"It's only a bit of antiseptic." he grumbles. "Don't let yourself get hit so many times in your next match, save me the trouble."

The familiar sound of my ringing phone saves him from certain death.

Miharu to the rescue.

* * *

There's something... some type of memory concerning Xiaoyu that's been dwelling just at the back of my mind for these last few days. Perhaps 'memory' isn't the right choice of word. 'Realisation' might be better. Ever since I met Xiaoyu again, I've faltered. Two years spent building this resolve, only to have it shaken in a single meeting with her. Before I saw her, nothing else mattered other than my purpose for entering the tournament. To put an end to everything, to destroy those who carry this cursed blood. But because of her, I'm losing focus.

So I push her away, then selfishly pull her back.

My mind dwells on possibilities, on _what ifs_. And ever since she chased after me in the rain and told me she trusted me, I haven't been able shake this nagging feeling that at that instant, some kind of realisation flitted through my mind, and I caught and released it before I had time to really know what it meant. I can't help but wonder if _he_ is the one responsible for that.

I thought I might remember, or at least get a little closer to some type of recollection if I waited for her, spoke with her. Plus, I just wanted to be around her for a while, feel my unease and doubt and fear melt away in the face of her affection and reassurance, and most importantly, her seemingly unshakable belief in me. I sat on a bench and waited for her to walk through the gardens, waited for her to notice me. Now though, I wish she hadn't. For one thing, I remembered nothing, and for another, each time I see her, I wind up doing something I regret. Like kissing her, holding her close, telling her how she makes me feel, reigniting all her hopes that we can be together somehow when I know it isn't possible.

Being apart from her, staying away... that is the only thing I can do to protect her.

_**That memory you're pursuing... is it down to mere curiosity, or are you trying to uncover a different path to the one that all your dreams have been pointing towards?**_

Those dreams... I've been desperately hoping that they're just that. Dreams. Nightmares. Not visions of our future. They can't be.

_**Do you want me to help you?**_

A mocking tone to his voice, as always.

"Do you expect me to trust you?" I ask out loud.

_**Do you remember how you felt when you first saw her? **_

My mistrust of him never seems to prevent me from accepting his help in the end. Maybe that's my biggest problem.

"I... don't know. I couldn't allow myself to be happy to see her. Not here. But she..."

_**That is not what I meant. Your very first meeting. Looking back on it now, how did you feel?**_

"...Like she was someone I was supposed to meet. It wasn't long after we met when I first kissed her. Thinking back, I should never have done that. But I couldn't stop myself."

_**Why was that?**_

"I was drawn to her. I couldn't escape it. It was like stepping into the sunlight for the first time..."

He doesn't reply. He doesn't need to. His scorn coils around me like smoke.

"I wanted to be with her, around her, anything just to be close to that much warmth again_. _And he... he was always with her. I wanted..._" _

_**You wanted to make sure she focused on you only. All things considered, do you think it was the right thing to do? **_

"No. She came here because of me. If anything happens..."

_**Then it will happen... because you succeeded in making her focus on you?**_

"...Yes."

_**Why blame yourself? No one lives forever.**_

"What are you trying to say?"

_**You're already aware of it. You say the two of you were supposed to meet. That memory you're looking for... I am not keeping it from you. You are keeping it from yourself. **_

His smile is poison through my veins.

_**So that you could take that life you are so drawn to. That is why you were supposed to meet. There is no other path, Jin Kazama.**_

_**

* * *

**Will you try to believe in a single strand of light?  
Or will you fear the darkness?_

_--- Depend on You, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	19. Information

_A/N: So the chapter title says it all really, zero action and exposition central. Sorry about that! I had an extreme fuzzy headache going on while writing this, but I tried to polish it up as best as I could. Stick with it, I know that all the exposition might be yawnworthy, so I attempted to liven things up towards the end._

_

* * *

_**NEVER EVER**

**

* * *

  
**

_As the wind blew, announcing the change of season  
I felt a little further from you and it scared me_

_--- FRIEND, Ayumi Hamasaki_

**Chapter Nineteen: Information**

"Hey, so I managed to find some stuff!" Miharu says when I answer my phone. I can hear her favourite CD playing in the background as she informs me I owe her big since she had to turn down getting a coffee with Hikaru and sit in the library half the day.

"Aw, I'm sorry, Mi. I'm sure he'll ask again, right?"

Hwoarang, who's obviously eavesdropping, shakes his head and steals my chair by the window.

"Of course he will!" Miharu replies. "How could he not?"

"Exactly. So, uh, what did you find?"

"Well, nothing much until I had a look in one of those massive reference only books! Jeez, it was heavy. And I couldn't check it out so I had to sit in the library and make notes..."

"...Okay?"

"Oh, and the sun was shining outside, and there was a sale on at that shoe place across the road... And every time I looked out of the window, there were people walking out with the stuff they'd bought... mocking me..."

"Okay, okay!" I laugh. "I get it! I owe you. I'll buy you a huge mocha or something to make up for wasting your afternoon, promise."

"Damned right you will, Ling Xiaoyu!"

"So... you made notes?"

"Yeah, got 'em right here. My internet's on the fritz, and you made it sound like it was urgent, so I figured I'd call you instead of emailing."

"Yeah, it kinda is. Thanks, Mi, really."

"Sure. So, notes... you got a pen?"

"Um, gimme a second." I lean over to grab my notepad from on top of the cabinet, wincing as pain sears through my sore joints. Damn, I feel like an old, arthritic woman. "Right, I got it."

"Okay. The full story goes like this; some virtuous brave warrior guy with a name I'm not even gonna try to pronounce from way way _way _back, like, a thousand years back, led his army into this massive battle against a neighbouring country. Or something like that. I can't read my handwriting. Anyway, after a really long super fierce battle, his side came out on top against all the odds. Kinda like in _300_."

"Uh-huh?"

"Argh, hold on, I just need to find the remote, this song bores me."

My eyes wander around the room as I wait. The smell of antiseptic's mixed in with the air freshener, but right now the antiseptic's winning out over the jasmine. I should really tidy up around here at some point.

"Okay, back. So, yeah, Mr. Virtuous and his best friend are the only ones left standing, right? Victorious over all they survey and that kind of thing. Things're going pretty well. Until the best friend draws his sword and skewers him, which, by the way, was described in really gross detail, like muscle and sinew getting sliced and stuff, and I was glad I skipped breakfast at that point."

"I thought you said your mum was getting on at you for doing that?"

"Yeah, she was out this morning though so she couldn't force toast down my throat. What bit did I get to now?"

"Gross detail?"

"Oh yeah. So, turns out the best friend's in love with the warrior's wife. Typical, huh? What _is_ it with guys, even ancient ones? Did the moron really think that the wife would go 'Oh, my husband's dead? Sure I'll just forget him and do the nasty with you!' I mean, seriously?"

"Miharu, is there any point to this story? I mean, it sounds like you're telling me what happened on some soap opera more than anything else."

"Hey, I'm getting to it!"

I struggle over to the bed and sit down; my legs still hurt like hell after that match. Hwo's picked up a copy of Cosmo I brought along, and I settle against the pillows and watch him as he flips through. It's funny to see the indignant faces he makes when he reads something he doesn't agree with.

"Okay, so the warrior's been struck down and he's lying in the mud bleeding, his best friend's left him there, and he's not too happy about the whole situation. Then this spirit shows up and offers to save him from death and give him a chance at revenge, and the warrior's so pissed off that he jumps at the chance without asking what's in it for the spirit."

"I'm guessing that was the wrong decision."

"Right. The spirit possesses him and follows his best friend back to the village, then burns the whole place to the ground. So yeah, he gets revenge on his friend, but his wife and all the villagers he was fighting to defend get toasted in the fire too. And he's stuck sharing a body with this evil spirit for the rest of his life. Kinda sucks to be him. I guess it's one of those 'be careful what you wish for' things."

Sharing a body, huh? I bite my lip, thinking of the threatening Jin but not Jin voice.

"Anyway, that's the most detailed story I found. There were some others, too, same type of thing every few hundred years or so. Someone gets betrayed by someone they trust and left for dead, they've got an extreme desire to even the score, this spirit pops up and offers them revenge, nastiness ensues, and--" she stops herself, makes a disgusted noise. "Ensues? God, I've been studying way too much!"

"Sounds like it." I laugh, trying my best to sound upbeat. "But thanks for all this."

"Hey, as long as you don't forget you owe me a mocha, it's cool. Damn, I'm running out of credit. Hey, can you call me back? I've got some gossip for you that you wouldn't believe!"

"Sure, talk to you in a bit."

I flip my phone closed and heave a sigh. Well that settles it then. It _has_ to be Heihachi. He must have been the person who betrayed Jin and caused this whole thing. There's no other explanation that makes sense. The email I got, what Jin said the other day... Plus, there was no one else who Jin would have trusted enough to _feel_ betrayed by. I know that, but still... I don't want to believe it. I don't want to believe that Heihachi would tell me he was worried about Jin, promise to tell me if he got any word from him, get his secretary to call me every so often in case _I'd_ had any contact, fake concern about Jin's whereabouts...

Maybe I have no choice.

But then again, why would he do something like that to his grandson?

"I can almost hear the cogs turning in your head, kid." Hwoarang says. "Something wrong?"

"Doesn't matter. I don't want to distract you from 'three words that make you irresistible to any man', after all."

I wobble my way off the bed and stand up, but he puts the magazine to one side and catches up with me when I move to start out of the room.

"Why the hell do you need a magazine to tell you three words to make you irresistible to any man anyway? 'I'll blow you' works like a charm, trust me."

I make a face. "Yeah, 'cause _that's_ romantic."

"Hey, you _do_ realise you almost got your ass kicked about an hour ago, right? You're hardly in any state to go for a stroll."

"I need to go call Miharu, there's payphones downstairs, right?"

"What's wrong with _your_ phone?" he asks, letting me lean on him for support as we slowly make our way down the corridor. I have no idea how I'm gonna even attempt my next match like this. Grandfather would _not_ be impressed.

"No credit."

"Damn, and I was planning on using it later..."

"For what?"

"Well, there's this girl on TV who rolls around on a bed in her underwear waiting to get texts from guys. She says she's lonely."

I give him a withering look, but I have to say, if he wasn't here to make stupid quips, I'd probably be spiralling into despair. I guess I was kinda hoping that there'd be some sort of happy ending to the myth about the devil spirit. You know, where in the end, someone saves the virtuous warrior or something, sets him free from his curse and puts everything right. Stupid, I know.

How am I supposed to help Jin now? Finding out what the problem is has just raised more questions. Like, 'how can I even begin to try and help him' type questions. This whole thing is getting far too big and complicated for me to handle. Toshin was one thing, but this... this is something else.

Once we get downstairs, I hand Hwo my wallet with a sigh.

"My fingers hurt, find something to... put in there." I mutter, leaning against the wall next to the phone and staring off into the distance, probably looking for all the world like a sulky teenager who just got told she was grounded or something. After a moment Hwoarang clears his throat, and I glance at him, figuring he's about to tease me for being in such a mood, but the thing he's holding up stuns me into silence.

"I haven't used a payphone in a while," he starts, arching an eyebrow, "...but I'm pretty sure they don't take _these_, Xiao."

He's referring to the... uh... contraceptive... that Miharu jammed into my wallet before the tournament started._ 'You never know, Xiao! You might see Jin, and you said you and him got pretty far last time around, right?' _

Damn, why did I leave it in there?

"M-Miharu gave it to me! I forgot it was there, okay? I didn't bring it here on purpose!"

My voice echoes around the lobby - which is thankfully empty right now - and I just _know_ that I've gone bright red, face burning hot as I try and fail to snatch it out of his hand. The smooth sound of the automatic entrance doors opening and closing reaches my ears, and I turn pleading eyes to Hwoarang.

"Come on, Hwo, just give it back!"

"Why, you planning on using it sometime soon?"

He looks caught somewhere between amused and annoyed, and the amused thing I can understand, but I really don't get why he'd be annoyed with me. Eh, I suppose 'mildly annoyed' is kinda his default setting, after all. Just like 'humiliated' seems to be mine, and 'dead' will be Miharu's if I get hold of her.

"Uh... hey, I was gonna ask you guys if you wanted to come chill in the bar with me, but... looks like you've already got plans for tonight."

I gape at Christie, and before I can reply, Hwoarang slings an arm around my shoulders, slipping the condom into the chest pocket of my vest.

"Gotta work the stress off somehow, right?" he grins, and Christie laughs, smoothing her ponytail down with graceful fingers.

"I guess so..." she agrees, and I quickly move away from Hwo, desperately trying to stammer out some kind of protest or explanation or _something_. Why couldn't he have just said it was his or something? Okay, that wouldn't have explained why I was trying to get it back, but still! My mouth is refusing to co-operate, and Christie flashes me an understanding smile.

"So, not your boyfriend, huh? I won't say a_ word_." she winks, and heads off towards the bar before I can splutter at her some more.

I suppose I should just be grateful that it was Christie and not Jin. But to be honest, right now I think I'd be even _more_ grateful if someone would just kill me.


	20. Disquiet

A/N: Well, I'm finally done with my essays for university, so I figured I could use my time for something a little more productive and a lot more enjoyable, like writing a new chapter for this fic. Thanks to those of you who reviewed for the last one, I'm really grateful! Your feedback makes me happy. For those of you who were hoping for more action, just hang in there until the next chapter, there'll definitely be some there. And looking at the plan for the story after that, there should be a lot more action in subsequent chapters too. So I hope you'll stick with it. And I hope you enjoy reading this chapter. :) And I totally overused the word 'chapter', didn't I?

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_We sometimes can't help but crash into reality  
And realise how pitiful that makes us._

**Chapter Twenty: Disquiet**

You know that saying 'I slept like the dead'? You think it's supposed to apply to the way you feel after you wake up too? Just wondering, because when I finally wake up after midday, I feel just as spaced out and exhausted as I would do if I hadn't had any rest at all. My sleep addled brain seems to have forgotten my adventures on the roof with Violet last night, but as soon as I sit up to stretch, my muscles waste no time in painfully protesting against any sort of movement. For a few seconds, I sit frozen in place, gritting my teeth and debating whether to just ease myself back down and go to sleep again, but my stomach makes the decision for me when it decides to get vocal in its pleas for sustenance.

I consider going to find Hwoarang, but I'm still pissed at him about that little incident last night. I can't _believe_ he stood there and let Christie think that we were planning to... _you know_. Ugh, as if I would anyway! I didn't believe his explanation for knowing that secretary had a sexually transmitted infection then, and I still don't believe it now. 'One of my buddies'. Yeah, Hwo, _sure_.

I drag myself out of bed, trying to ignore the nagging pain as I stretch out my stiffened limbs and get dressed. My mind, still fuzzy with sleep, drifts onto the subject of what Miharu told me last night. Just what was it that Heihachi did to Jin? Why would he leave him for dead? I didn't want to believe it yesterday, but if he betrayed his own grandson in such a way, he'd have no problem at all in lying to someone like me, would he? And because of him, Jin's gonna be stuck being Jin-but-not-Jin for the rest of his life. This whole thing is _his_ fault.

I remember the email Jin sent me; how it said that Heihachi was searching for those who shared his bloodline. And then there's what he said to me in the gardens... So ending the Mishima bloodline... that's his way of getting revenge on Heihachi for whatever he did? I didn't even realise the full implication of what he was saying at the time, 'cause I was so shocked at the idea of Jin even thinking about killing anyone. The fact that he's part of the bloodline he's planning on ending didn't even register with me. But if he's cursed with sharing a body with this spirit... Then maybe, for him, the idea of living with that is the greater of the two evils? How can I possibly let that happen, though? There has to be some other way, I refuse to believe those are his only options. Even if _he_ seems to have accepted it, I won't. I _can't. _

An evil spirit that preys on people with an extreme desire for revenge... But isn't it only natural to want revenge if someone you trust betrays you? It just all seems so... _unfair_.

The soft warmth of the sun on my face brings me out of my thoughts, and I glance around in surprise. I guess I must have been on autopilot while I was puzzling all this out, 'cause I'm halfway down the gravel path that leads to the lobby entrance. The trees shiver as a strong breeze blows by, and I zip up my jacket and shove my hands in my pockets. My stomach grumbles, reminding me of its earlier request. Right, I guess it's time I got myself something to eat.

I decide to take the scenic route to the cafe, following the little winding path through the flower garden, breathing in the cool air and trying to clear my head of all thoughts of bloodlines and revenge. Hey, the walk seems to be doing me a little bit of good already anyway, I can finally feel my sore joints loosening up. It still hurts, but I guess I shouldn't be complaining. Was I really expecting to breeze through every match without so much as a scratch on me? That kind of thinking is Hwo's department. And both my matches have kinda clued me in to the fact that I haven't improved all that much since the last tournament. Which really sucks, but I _really_ neglected my training over the last two years. So it's my own fault.

I slip out of my reverie long enough to become aware of the sound of muffled sobs nearby, and I turn the corner just in time to see Hwoarang pat Christie's back a few times while she cries, her face buried in his chest. He hesitantly puts his arms around her, and I stop, blinking stupidly and wondering whether to approach them or not. For some reason, I feel uneasy at the sight of them together. I guess it's 'cause this looks like some kind of private moment, and if it is, I don't wanna disturb them. I didn't think they'd got so close in such a short amount of time... Maybe they've been meeting up without me? Mind you, I wouldn't blame them. I _have_ been a moody sort these past few days, they'd probably have a lot more fun without me sitting there being all scowly. Still... I'm kinda confused. Not sure how to handle this situation. A hasty retreat would probably be my best bet.

Before I get chance to make said retreat, Hwo glances over and notices me. He says nothing, just gestures for me to come over, and Christie's scuffed up appearance finally registers. As I get closer, I catch sight of her bleeding knuckles and scraped forearms, and it dawns on me that she must've had a match today.

"I lost." she says, pulling back from Hwo and forcing a smile. Her face is streaked with dirt and tears, and I have absolutely no idea what to say to her. So instead, I fumble around for a tissue, finally locating one under all the sweet wrappers at the bottom of my bag.

"I... I really thought... I thought I could win..." She wipes her eyes with the tissue, and I can see her hands trembling. "But... there's no way to get Eddy's attention now, I guess."

"Maybe he's looking for you right now?" I offer. "I bet you'll find each other really soon."

Christie laughs and shakes her head, her eyes welling up again, and my throat tightens. I don't know how I'd feel if I'd come to the tournament and seen nothing of either Jin or Hwo, then had to pin all my hopes of actually getting to see them on winning the _whole thing_.

"You told me at the start how tough it'd be." Christie's saying. "But still, I really thought... I thought if I just did the best I could..." She trails off, smiling shakily. "I guess my best was nowhere near good enough."

"Christie..."

She's silent for a few moments, and I can see her face darkening. She's probably going over the mistakes she made during the fight. I always do that.

"Dammit!" she suddenly growls, slamming her fist against the wall. "I had _so_ much fight left! I had so much more! Why the _hell_ did I lose? Why couldn't I have won? Why couldn't Julia have..."

Her voice cracks, and I say nothing, thinking of my own sadness and frustration when I woke up in the infirmary after losing to Forest Law. I didn't have as much riding on my victory though, just a silly little promise that me and Hwo made, that I'd really wanted to keep.

"I guess... I guess there's no use getting angry." Christie says after a while, sounding tired. "I know why I lost, really. Dunno why I'm even asking why. My skills, they're what let me down. She was better than me. Simple, huh?"

"If that's the only thing that let you down, you should train harder."

"Hwoarang!" I elbow him hard in the ribs. Ugh. Trust him to be so blunt when she's obviously using all the strength she has left just to keep it together. He really needs to learn the meaning of the word 'tact'. Christie laughs and wipes her eyes again.

"No, you're right, Hwoarang. This tournament's been way tougher than anything I've ever done before. I was nowhere near prepared..." She sighs, pushing her tangled hair out of her face and readjusting her ponytail. "All these fighters, they're really something else."

"Still, there was no need to be like _that_." I grumble, glaring at Hwo, who's rubbing his side where I hit him.

"Uh, how about you quit whining, kiddo? She just said I was right."

Christie stretches, and for the first time today, I see a genuine smile from her.

"What's with the arguing, didn't last night go so well?"

Hwo grins, but before he can reply, I jump in.

"A total waste of time. He only lasted three seconds."

The look of outrage on his face is totally worth it. Guess the whole 'if you can't beat em, join em' thing does work sometimes after all.

"I hope you guys come to the next tournament." Christie giggles. "Of course, I'm gonna have to beat you both if I wanna win, aren't I? Hope you won't hold that against me."

"Next tournament?" I frown.

"Well, now I know what I'm up against, I can make damned sure I'm prepared next time. And when I win, I'll definitely get to see Eddy." She smiles. "Hey, maybe he'll even sign up for the next tournament! Then I can beat _him_ too, for making me go through all this in the first place."

"You don't think you'll find him before that? I mean, who knows when the next one'll be?"

"...This tournament's the only lead I got, really."

"Oh..."

Would I be able to keep waiting, if I were in her shoes? _Can_ I keep waiting? For a way to help Jin, for this whole thing to turn out okay in the end? I glance off towards the flower garden, back the way I came, and I'm not even that surprised to see him standing there. I'm too far away to see his expression, but he's definitely watching me. It's almost as if me just thinking about him like this somehow summoned him here. As always, my body unconsciously moves to approach him, but a sudden fear grips me and I stop before I even take two steps.

_An intense pain, his unnaturally bright eyes, the soft, almost soothing sound of blood dripping from his claws, those markings trailing over his bare chest, the voice that's unmistakably him, but at the same time so different and then with a gently mocking smile, **does it hurt, Xiaoyu?**_

"Guess you're not coming along?" Christie's voice.

"W-what?"

Hwoarang arches an eyebrow questioningly.

"Weren't you listening? We were gonna go get something to eat."

I glance over at Jin again. Did _he_ do that? On purpose?

"Uh... sure, I'll come along."

Hwo doesn't even attempt to hide his surprise. Does he really think I'm that thoughtless as to run off after Jin when Christie's had such a sucky day? I mean, she seems to be doing better now, but still. Although, if I hadn't had that... 'vision' or whatever the hell it was, would I have gone over...?

I force myself not to look at Jin as we set off towards the lobby, as if that'll somehow make up for being such a selfish git. Jeez, I really have to work on my friendship skills. Christie needs to get a quick shower and a change of clothes, and Hwo suggests we take a look at the matchups for tomorrow while we wait for her, but to be honest, I think that's just an excuse for him to check out the receptionist. I chew my lip as I wait for my name to scroll up on the monitor, and after what seems like an age, it finally does.

10:00 a.m: Ling Xiaoyu vs Julia Chang.

* * *

_What makes you wish to make it to tomorrow?__  
And decide to get past  
__Even the long, dark nights?  
I want you to tell me someday. _

_--- End of the World, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	21. Tempest

A/N: Finally managed to get this all down. Grarr nngh mrr... fight scenes still love to kick my ass. But! I hope this one turned out well. It's my own fault for writing fic based around a fighting tournament anyway! I hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you so much to everyone who left feedback on the last one. I always love to read your thoughts on the story, so I'd be really grateful for your comments on this chapter too.

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_When you're in despair, try remembering  
That the today you're about to give up on  
Is the tomorrow that someone, somewhere  
Refused to give up on._

_- Red Line ~For TA~ , Ayumi Hamasaki_

**Chapter Twenty One: Tempest**

The dim orange glow of the wall lamps and the gentle piano music drifting through the bar helps dissolve some of my nervous tension at the thought of my match in the morning. Christie and Hwoarang's cheerful banter helps a lot too; she scowls in mock-annoyance as he traces his fingers down his beer glass and laments the fact that Christie's one year shy of being able to drown her sorrows in alcohol.

"Go on, just twist the knife even more, Hwoarang, I would."

"You shouldn't even be drinking anyway," I tell him. "You've got a match tomorrow too."

"That never seems to bother Lei Wulong." he replies, "Mind you, maybe that's how he ended up losing to _you_."

I go to shove him, and he grabs my wrist and tugs me forward, wrapping an arm around me, ruffling my hair and _completely_ ruining the ponytail I pulled it into earlier in an attempt to emulate Christie's sleek style. Oh well, hers looked better anyway. I still glower up at him and knock his hand away though. He treats me like such a kid sometimes.

"I suppose being in the army's taught you how to function on a hangover." Christie says, leaning back against the booth cushions with a smile.

"Well I needed to be fuckin' drunk to take part in half the stuff we got up to."

She flashes him a knowing glance.

"Hazing stuff?"

"Yeah, that." He makes a face at her expectant look and takes a swig of his beer. "No way am I going into it. Let's just say I will never be offended again when a girl spits."

"Hwo. For the love of all that is holy, _don't_ go into it."

"Don't worry, it's not for twelve year old ears anyway, Xiao." Hwoarang laughs, tugging at my ponytail, and I pull the band out of my hair in exasperation.

"I'm guessing you're glad you've finished it all up then." Christie comments.

"The army thing? ...Can't say I regret leaving."

"Weren't you a sergeant? I really can't imagine anyone taking you seriously." I snipe. "If I were a soldier I'd never listen to a single word you said."

Hwoarang grins.

"If you were a soldier you'd be a damned liability with those pipe cleaner arms of yours."

"These pipe cleaner arms are gonna smack you in the face if you carry on."

"Dunno if you're aware, but most people use their _fists_, Xiao."

Christie laughs at our bickering, swiping Hwoarang's beer and taking a sip.

"I'm guessing she hasn't forgiven you for only lasting three seconds yet." she says airily, winking at me.

"Hey, lemme set you straight, Monteiro. The only time I've had problems like that is when I've been drunk."

Christie grins and hands him his beer back.

"Guessing tonight's no good for us then, hmm? Since that's your third one and all."

I half listen to Hwoarang's amused reply, an awkward feeling twisting in my stomach, the same type of unease as I felt this afternoon when I came across them hugging in the gardens. Jeez, no wonder he's been treating me like a kid tonight. I should've really got over this possessive, 'that's _my _friend' kind of thing after I turned seven or something. Seriously, Xiao, get over yourself.

Later, after Christie's headed off to her room, Hwo and I walk back through the lobby on our own way back. Usually we'd be making idle chit-chat about whatever, but there isn't much in the way of conversation right now, he actually seems a bit subdued. It can't be because he drank too much, I've been around him when he's drunk before, and he's usually got loads of stuff to say, though not a lot of it is worth listening to. When we reach the stairs, he trips up them and I give him a disapproving glance and try to steady him.

"Hwo, what did I tell you earlier? You really shouldn't be drinking the night before a match, it's just irresponsible when it comes down to it, isn't it?"

He gives me a sharp glance, his eyes flashing with anger, and I blink.

"Oh shove off, Xiao. _You_ really shouldn't be planning on screwing Kazama when he's obviously fuckin' tapped in the head."

I look back down into the lobby and the woman on the reception desk is peering up at us curiously. Wow Hwo, I'm not quite sure you said that loud enough.

"Where did _that_ come from?" I ask, my face reddening, and Hwo tugs his arm free from my grasp, carrying on up the stairs.

"Well, it's just irresponsible when it comes down to it, isn't it?" he snaps over his shoulder, and I run after him, temper flaring.

"Keep your voice down Hwo," I hiss. "You'll blow your chances with that receptionist down there if she thinks you're the jealous type."

"What?" Hwoarang shakes his head, laughing at the idea, and for some reason, my stomach wrenches. "Sure, 'cause there's really a reason to be fuckin' jealous of the guy if what Mi said is anything to go by, right? 'Least I'll always be myself, which's more than _he_ can say." He starts off down the hallway again, spinning his keyring around his index finger.

"Hwoarang, why are you being so unfair? He can't _help_ it!"

"Whether he can help it or not's irrelevant. You should stay the hell away from him."

I feel tears welling up in my eyes and quickly blink them away.

"I should help him. He hasn't got anyone else."

Hwo must've picked up on the tremor in my voice, because he lets go of the door handle and gazes at me, the anger dissolving from his expression.

"Xiao... can you really say you're not scared of him?"

I struggle to find the words to answer, and Hwo turns to face me properly, reaching out to touch my hand and then seemingly thinking better of it.

"'Cause you know what?" He folds his arms and holds my confused gaze. "_I_ am. I'm scared of what he'll do to you. I'm scared I won't be there to do anything about it. I... If anything..." He trails off and looks at the floor. "Fuck... just don't try and do everything by yourself, Xiao... You don't have to, you know?"

"What brought all this on?" I ask again, wiping my eyes and following him as he walks into the room.

"It's..." he stops himself, shaking his head. "Look, I just don't wanna be worried about you when I've got matches to focus on."

Yeah. And the other people staying on this floor who've got matches to focus on are gonna love us for this little performance, I'm sure. I close the door behind me as quietly as possible to make up for the raised voices. Hwoarang sits on the edge of the messy bed and sighs, staring through the window opposite, and I stand there awkwardly for a moment and watch him. Somehow, knowing that he's worried about me, that he cares... it makes me feel a bit... I dunno. I mean, I know he cares about me anyway, we're friends after all_,_ and it's probably the couple of drinks he's had that set him off on that little tirade. But even if it is just because of that, still... it makes me happy.

"You should go get some sleep." he mumbles, and I automatically head over to the wardrobe and pull out a couple of spare pillows and a blanket. "...I meant in your own room, Xiao."

I throw the bedding on the armchair in the corner with a shrug.

"Shut up, Hwo. You're drunk, you'll probably fall over something and not be able to fight tomorrow, and then blame me for not keeping an eye on you."

"I'm not drunk." he argues tiredly.

"Well you're not a hundred percent sober, then."

"What-the-hell-ever, if you won't piss off then just don't keep me awake with your snoring, kiddo."

I scowl and throw one of the pillows at him, and he offers a small smile before throwing it back.

* * *

The waves are gently lapping at the sand, the ocean a breathtaking shade of turquoise, stretching in front of me for miles as my hair flutters around my face in the breeze, and I want nothing more than to take my shoes off and paddle in the surf or close my eyes and enjoy the feel of the sun on my skin. It's not exactly the height of summer, there's a sharp chill in the air and I'd most likely catch my death if I were to splash about in the sea for too long, but still.

Anyway, unfortunately, I'm not here to have fun. I turn away from the sea and start heading back, taking in the sight of the palm leaves swaying as I walk past the ramshackle beach hut towards Julia.

She flashes a faint smile when I stop in front of her, and the PA system crackles to life, sounding like it's coming from the hut I just passed.

"This match is scheduled to begin in sixty seconds."

I push back the sleeves of my tracksuit jacket, Julia fixes her twin braids, and neither of us say a word until the bell sounds. Before I can even blink, she smashes her elbow straight into my midriff, and I stagger backwards with a cry that I'd like to imagine was more of surprise than pain. Then again, which one's worse? I know what Grandfather would say. God, if he was here, he'd be so disappointed in my performance these last few matches.

I resist the urge to clutch at my sore stomach, taking a long, deep breath and relaxing into a defensive stance as Julia studies me intently. You know, once, just for _once_, I'd like to make the first move, and for it to actually connect. At least that way I'd feel more confident. Julia hasn't moved, her braids dancing in the strong breeze, waiting for my response, and sand scatters as I spring forward, slamming my heel into her shin in an attempt to throw her off balance. It's a success, and as she tries to right herself, I seize the opportunity to take revenge for her first attack, palm lashing out to strike her in the stomach as hard as possible. I'm rewarded with her yelp of pain as she flies back, but she's unexpectedly quick in stumbling up from the ground.

The high winds push clouds across the morning sun, casting dim shadows across the beach and giving a bleak grey tint to the surroundings, and I suddenly think of Jin, of his profile as he stared out to sea in my dream that seems so long ago now. The distraction inevitably means that my late attempt to block Julia's foot from colliding with my head fails spectacularly, and through blurred vision I can see her dipping down in a graceful spin before pain jolts through my ankle and I automatically reach down towards it. Her fist rushes up to meet me, the impact strong enough to send me tumbling backwards through the air when it smashes into my face.

The chill in the air has intensified now the sun's shrouded in clouds, and I scramble to my feet, swallowing the metallic taste of blood and blinking away the tears of pain that sprung to my eyes in response to Julia's attack. Fighting on sand doesn't seem to faze her as far as I can tell, but all the same, I wonder if Christie would've had a better time of it if their match had taken place here. Memories of last night filter through the swirling panic in my head as I bite my lip and watch for Julia's next move. Christie, resting her chin on her palms, her gold necklace glittering in the soft light as she reminisced about sparring with her grandfather on the beach back home, her smile faltering slightly when she mentioned how she'd sometimes get the chance to train with Eddy too.

Julia darts forward, and a sudden feeling of indignation and resentment grips me. I cartwheel out of harm's way, sand slipping through my fingers, and angrily lash out with my foot. She gives a cry of pain, bringing her hands up to her face, and I snap it back for a second strike that sends her staggering. Before she can recover, I leap upwards and force my body into a spin, my foot arcing through the air and crashing into the side of her head. For a few seconds, the sun shines weakly through a break in cloud before shadows once again stifle its rays. Julia lands heavily, rolling onto her stomach with a groan and slowly standing up. She gives me a level stare, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, the smear of bright blood startling against her white fighting gloves.

Lightning fast, her knuckles jab at my face, and I quickly shake my head in an attempt to clear the bright spots dancing across my vision, breaking out in a cold sweat. One blink, and she's no longer in front of me. A second confused blink, and there's no time to whirl around to face her; the impact explodes through me as she rams both fists into my lower back. I topple forward, shrieking in pain, and suddenly she's in front of me again, slamming her knee into my chin in a merciless followup strike.

I hit out blindly, connecting with nothing but air. Her palm drives fiercely into my stomach, forcing the breath out of me in a rush, and I somehow open my eyes only to glimpse her leg, a blur of blue heading straight for my face. Dropping down into the Phoenix Stance is the only thing that saves me from waking up in the infirmary, I'm certain of it. She's left herself open for a countermove, and I waste no time in dipping lower towards the ground and bringing my forearms up to crash into her chin, but it's just not enough to drive her back.

The last time I lost a match, the defeat was instantaneous. I mistimed my attack, Law wasted no time in punishing my mistake, and in a split second it was all over and I was waking up to the overpowering scent of disinfectant and the squeak of the infirmary ceiling fan. This time, it's so much worse. Julia draws both fists back and yet another solid blow to my stomach is too much for me to handle. The leaves on the palm trees close by continue to rustle softly in the breeze, the sound of the waves lapping against the sand sounds like I'm hearing it through a dream. Clawing back from the brink of unconsciousness, holding on desperately even as I can feel myself slipping, I know there'll be no surprise turnaround, no leaping to my feet and somehow, against all odds, managing to deal the finishing blow. All I can do now is gaze up at Julia, vision swimming with tears as it dawns on me that I no longer have the energy to get up and fight.

Somewhere far away, carried on the strong winds, I hear the PA system announcing Julia as the winner.

She looks caught between the thrill of victory and the strange feeling of guilt that often surfaces upon seeing your opponent suffering for it. I feel warm tears slipping from the corners of my eyes, and the dreamcatcher around her neck sways as she leans down, holding out a hand to help me up. I don't have the grace to accept it, childishly knocking it away and struggling to get to my feet and turn away from her, even as my limbs scream in protest and all I really want to do is lay back down in the sand and drift away.

"Xiaoyu..."

Her footsteps are soft against the sand as she comes around in front of me.

"I know losing is difficult, but we're all fighting for something. I wasn't willing to give up on what I'm searching for, it means too much. I'm sure you're searching for something too."

I choke back a sob and don't answer, throat closing around any words I might have wanted to say. She sounds so certain, but what am I searching for, really? A way to save Jin? Is that even linked to winning this tournament anymore? Is there even a way at all? Julia's hand is warm as she touches my shoulder, and it's as if she can sense all my doubt and fear.

"You don't have to give up on it just yet, okay?"

She starts to walk away, and I finally manage to get the words out, not quite loud enough for her to catch.

"...Thank you."

I stay there after Julia leaves, brushing the dust and sand from my clothes and trying my best to hold the tears inside, and after a few moments, a different set of footsteps move towards me. I steel myself for a smartass comment from Hwo, he said he was gonna meet up with me after both our matches were done with. Knowing him, he won in five seconds flat and he's here to tell me how just how amazing he is.

"You took that quite well. You've grown up, Xiao..."

I turn towards the voice in surprise. Jin is standing a few yards away from me, and I'm caught between a faint sense of fear, a strong urge to run to him and an even stronger urge to smack him in the face for being so condescending.


	22. Dreams

_A/N: Hey everyone, thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. I'm really glad there's still people reading and enjoying this story, I hope you enjoy this chapter too. Hopefully it's not too melodramatic, I really hope it doesn't come across that way anyway, but if it's a bit too overblown I apologise. Either way, please click the little review button and let me know what you think. (And point out any typos, my head's not right for spotting them today!)  
_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_My memories may not disappear_  
_But there'll be no more._

**Chapter Twenty Two: Dreams**

Clouds continue to move across the sun, violent waves crashing against the sand, and I resist both urges and instead stay where I am.

"Funny, what two years can do to you, isn't it?"

Jin looks away. I know I'm being a brat, bringing that up again, but I'm not really in the mood to care right now. Even though I know Julia's right, and I don't have to give up, seeing Jin and knowing I have no idea how to help him makes me feel so useless. He looks and sounds and moves like the Jin I'm used to, why can't that be enough to make him the same?

It's a stupid, childish question. Nothing's that simple, I know that. Nothing's ever been simple when it comes to Jin, even before all this.

"That's true."

I pick up on the hint of pain in his voice, and immediately feel guilty. I'm the only one he's got. I shouldn't be sniping at him, it's not helping either of us.

"Were you watching?" I ask, and he nods. "No one's supposed to be here. You know the weirdo new rules Jin, you could get disqualified."

"I doubt it."

"Oh, so it's one set of rules for you and another for the rest of us, huh?"

He smiles bitterly. "Something like that."

I don't really know how to respond, and fold my arms, feeling awkward. It never used to be like this between us. Maybe I just don't know how to talk to him anymore. Maybe he's changed too much. I shake my head, trying to rid myself of such stupid, negative thoughts. Julia said I didn't have to give up, all I have to do is believe her.

"Why're you here?"

"To see you."

Such a simple remark, and yet my heartbeat still quickens, it still makes me feel _special_, somehow. Even so, when he moves closer, I involuntarily take a step back.

"Why?"

"Because I..." He trails off, staring at the sand. "I've got a match soon. I wanted to see you beforehand, just in case..."

I gaze at him in confusion.

"In case what?"

"Xiao, listen, I'm really sorry for everything. How I've been acting... the things I said. I know it doesn't make sense, but you'll understand soon. I just... I wanted to make sure you knew that I'm sorry. For what's already happened and... and for what might happen in the future."

A cold, uneasy feeling coils in my chest at his words. It's as though he's trying to say his goodbyes, like he's given up. I can't accept that, I want to reach out and grab his hand and plead with him to start talking sense and help me figure things out.

"Why're you telling me this?" As much as I try to sound nothing more than curious, I know he can hear the desperate edge to my voice, his expression leaves me under no illusions about that. It's been so long since I've seen Jin looking anything other than tired and sad, that I'm starting to forget what he looks like when he genuinely smiles.

"Because I'm... if I don't..."

"Because what?"

"...I'm sorry." He looks away and sighs. "Never mind, Xiao. Forget it."

"Forget_ what_?" I cry, frustated.

"It really doesn't matter. I shouldn't have said anything"

It doesn't matter. I'm sorry. Forget it. Never mind. I'm starting to truly understand now. No matter how many times I ask, that's all I'm ever going to get from him, isn't it? He's probably trying to say goodbye, and he _still_ can't tell me what's going on. Even so, I want to cling onto Julia's reassuring words._ You don't have to give up just yet_.

Come to think of it, he couldn't even tell me in my dreams, and neither could Jun. Funny, huh? I suddenly remember meeting Jin in the early hours of the morning, that amused, mocking voice in my head.

_I wonder... does she actually think you can help him now?_

Jun. The last time I spoke to her, she told me to be myself, that she believed in me. Maybe she shouldn't have bothered.

"Ok. Fine, Jin."

This is me, Jun. This is me being myself. All I am is the girl who couldn't even get to the fourth round this time, who's too tired to fight anymore.

I take a step backwards, and his eyes widen a little, lips parting as if to say something. But again, he hesitates, grits his teeth against any words he might've wanted to say and stays where he is.

"I'll forget it." I turn away from him, fingernails digging into my palms. All I want to do is turn back, wrap my arms around him, tell him it's ok, that he doesn't have to tell me, that I love him and it's all ok, as long as he just stays with me. I'm scared that if I relax my fists, I'll do just that.

It won't help. Right now, I have no idea what will.

"Xiao..." I hear him take one soft step on the sand, then he stops.

"Good luck in your next match." I force the words out, force myself to sound civil, and then start back up the beach.

"Xiaoyu... wait. Please."

I stop, but don't turn to face him. I'm scared that if I do, seeing him standing there looking so alone will make me run straight back to him.

"I lost my fight, Jin. There's nothing keeping me here now."

He doesn't reply, and I bite my lip, fighting back a sob. I can't do anything else. I can only help him if he lets me, and he just... _he won't. _

His voice is almost too quiet for me to hear, whipped away by the wind.

"There's me."

Two softly spoken words, and I can't help myself. I turn around, and he's walking towards me, saying something about how sorry he is and how he wishes things were different and it was okay for him to feel like he does.

"Why? Why isn't it ok?" I ask, voice trembling.

"...Don't go yet."

Still no explanation. I close my eyes as his arms wrap tightly around me, tears spilling down my face. I want to shove him away with all my strength, and I try, I really do. I bring up my hands to push against him, but he doesn't budge. I can feel him shaking and wonder if it's just from the cold.

"I'm sorry." he tells me. He's said it so many times that it shouldn't mean anything anymore, but a wave of exhaustion engulfs me, and all I can do is lean against him, let him stroke my back soothingly, and listen to his gentle voice as he tells me not to cry anymore.

"Come with me for a bit." he says softly. "They'll be wanting to use this place for the next match soon."

I can't answer him. I feel so utterly defeated that it's almost too much of an effort to stifle my sobs, never mind make any attempt to gather my scattered thoughts and get some kind of control back. Jin takes my hand, entwines his fingers with mine, and leads me back towards the hotel.

Back in my room, I perch on the edge of the bed, unshed tears welling in my eyes, staring at the window, dimly aware of Jin slowly pacing the room. I remember last tournament, Jin sitting next to me, awkwardly telling me '_when you said that, well, I started thinking things...' _

For a few moments I wonder whether the memory might have crossed Jin's mind too, but then he stops, staring down at the open textbook on top of the cabinet. Good going, Xiao. This's why you should, y'know, tidy things away once in a while. For a long time, we're both silent as he reads the notepaper tossed carelessly alongside it that I hurriedly scribbled after Miharu's phonecall.

"You've been busy, huh?" His voice betrays no hint of anger, giving me the courage to question him.

"It was Heihachi, wasn't it?"

He gives a slight nod.

"I don't want revenge, Xiao. I just want rid of this... this cursed blood."

"What happened? What did he do?"

Jin clenches his jaw, fixated on the illustration of the demon in the book.

"Xiao, you know about all this, and you're still..." He trails off, looks over at me helplessly. "You can't tell me you're not afraid."

"No, I can't." I glimpse a flash of disappointment in his eyes, and it hurts to know I've caused it. "...I'm sorry."

"What's to be sorry about?" His voice is quiet, calm. "Of course you're afraid. I wouldn't expect..." He trails off, comes to sit next to me, watches as I wipe my eyes with my sleeve.

"Xiao, you always used to be so happy."

I don't answer, don't know what to say. I _know_ how I used to be. I had no real worries back then. But how can I say that? It'd only sound like I was blaming him. I'm not. Jin never _asked_ me to carry on chasing him, I chose this of my own accord. If it's made me unhappy, that's not his fault.

"Since it happened, didn't you... didn't you look for any way to..."

I stop mid-sentence. Of course he did, moron. And if _he_ didn't find a way to fix things over the past two years, why on earth did you think_ you _could, given a few _days_?

Jin shakes his head, infinitely more patient than I'd be in the face of such a ridiculous question. "Sometimes it doesn't matter how hard you fight, all you can do in the end is give in and accept it."

"We'll go back home together, okay?" I say suddenly, desperately. "Forget all of this, forget fighting and giving in and accepting, forget all of it. We'll both be happy again. We'll just go _home,_ and you can help me study for my exams, and we can go see my grandfather and you can meet Panda, and we can go to that new amusement park together, and eat candy floss, and you can try winning a prize for me out of those grabber machine thingies..."

Jin wraps his arms around me and says nothing.

"Let's go somewhere." I whisper.

"Where?"

"Wherever. We can just be normal." He leans his forehead against mine, eyes closed, listening to me talk. "We can go on dates and do regular boyfriend and girlfriend stuff…"

I pause, and Jin looks at me.

"What is it?"

"Come to think of it, we've never even been on a date, have we?"

"No, I don't think we have."

"Where would you take me? I mean, it'd have to be someplace we'd both enjoy, right? But now that I think about it, I don't really know what kind of places you like, Jin..."

"Shh. Don't think about it right now. It's alright."

I can feel tears stinging my eyes again as he pulls away.

"Everything I've just said..." My voice cracks and wavers. "None of it'll ever happen, will it?"

Jin shakes his head, forcing a smile, and I try my best to blink the tears away.

"You've got things you want to do in the future, right?" he says gently. "Forgetting us, forgetting all of this... you still have dreams, don't you?"

I stare at the floor. I've never really thought too much about the future. Before I met Jin, I was just focusing on not failing English and Maths and struggling to hand my homework in on time. After that, it was all tournaments and training and getting strangled by the God of Fighting and moping over Hwoarang and Jin being gone and being visited in my dreams by Jun Kazama. So I haven't really had time to make plans for my future, to be honest.

"Me and Miharu are taking the university entrance exams soon." I mumble eventually.

"That's your dream then? To get into university?"

"Not really." I shrug. "If I had a dream, it'd be to own the biggest amusement park in all of Japan... no, the whole _world_, come to think of it. I'd go on all the rides and eat junk food all day and just have the best time..." I stop myself, realising how childish I sound.

"I didn't expect anything less." Jin smiles. "Maybe getting into university's a more realistic goal, though."

He sounds wistful. I guess he planned on having a normal life too. I want to tell him that it's not fair, that there has to be some way that he can free himself from all of this, that we can find it together because Julia told me I didn't have to give up and I want so much to believe her.

"Maybe just a little bit. But I kinda like the amusement park idea better." I answer instead.

"Then make them both happen." He squeezes my hand. "If you have a dream you want to come true, make it happen, Xiao. Do something that's just for you. Don't waste your time worrying about me."

"B-but I..."

"Xiao, listen. While I'm like this, I'll never be able to make you happy. You know that."

"So basically, you want me to just leave you alone now, is that what you're saying?"

"I'm saying I want you to be with someone who _will _make you happy. Who'll do all those things you mentioned wanting to do. And I... I can't do any of that for you... not now."

He checks his watch and stands up, running a hand through his hair.

"...My match starts soon. Just... think about what I said, Xiao. I want you to focus on your own future, not mine."

I glance up at him, wanting to protest, but the look of resignation on his face makes my throat tighten and I turn away, not able to bear watching him leave.

* * *

_The one thing I'm not allowed to say is_  
_"Please stay by my side"._

_- Ballad, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	23. Reality

_A/N: Hey, first update of 2011! I can't believe I've been writing this fic for nearly four years now, guess that just shows how slow I am at updating. I'd just like to thank everyone for sticking with this story for so long! Thanks to everyone who reviews and faves. I love you guys, and I'm really grateful for your comments! As usual, hope you enjoy this chapter, and I'd love to hear what you thought of it._

_

* * *

_**NEVER EVER**

_

* * *

There are times  
When I wonder how different  
The scenery I can see from here is  
From the scenery I dreamed of._

**Chapter Twenty Three: Reality**

I'm still sitting on the edge of the bed, staring down at my hands. The dull pain from the blows I got during my match with Julia is beginning to get more insistent, but even so it's barely registering. So I guess this's what it feels like to be broken up with.

I force myself to stand up, still somehow unwilling to just let him go. Which arena's he headed to? If I set off running, can I catch him up? For a few seconds, a rush of panic overtakes me. What if I can't find him?

What would I say if I did?

There's nothing left to say. I know that.

I go over to the window, half-hoping that he's standing on the path below and he'll...

_And he'll what? Ask 'what light through yonder window breaks'? Gallantly ask you to let down your hair? Did you think this was a fairytale, Xiao? _

Outside, the morning clouds have started to disperse, bright sunlight pouring through. There's no sign of Jin outside, just the usual Zaibatsu member making his rounds. At least, it _looks_ like a Zaibatsu member. I watch him, detachedly wondering if the uniform's a bit different than before, but the soft click of the door opening draws my attention away.

There's a faint spark of hope in my chest that it's Jin, that he's come back to tell me he's changed his mind and he wants us to leave together, and I hate that it's still there, even after everything that's just been said. _Stop being stupid, Xiao. Accept it._

"Hey, how'd it go this morning, kid?"

Just the sound of Hwo's voice makes my throat tighten, and I can't bring myself to turn to face him. If he asks me if I'm ok, I'll just crumble and cry and make myself look even more stupid than I feel right now.

"Didn't you have a match too?" I ask stiffly.

"Walked it."

"Well done."

I guess I must sound sullen, 'cause he sighs and I hear him move closer.

"...You lost, huh?"

"Jin broke up with me."

I don't turn around to see Hwo's reaction.

"Huh."

I wait for him to say something else, but the silence stretches on, only broken by the strong breeze rattling the window.

"Well." I fold my arms, staring at the framed print of lotus blossoms on the wall in front of me. "That was certainly a heartwarming expression of sympathy. Thanks."

"I'm just confused, s'all. Didn't think he was the type to hit it and quit it."

"What?" I snap, whirling around to face him. "What the _hell_ did you just say?"

Okay, as _if_ he can't read the situation well enough to know this is the absolute worst time for making idiotic comments. Sometimes I wonder if he _ever_ considers thinking before he opens his mouth. But no, that'd require some form of tact and sensitivity, two things Hwo's always been lacking in.

"If that's a joke, it's a damned stupid one!" I snarl, angrily swiping at my eyes as they fill up with tears. I see him shrug through blurred vision and climb onto the bed, snatching up a pillow to hug to my chest. "Do you think this's _funny_, Hwoarang?"

He doesn't answer, and I turn onto my side, facing away from him. "It's none of your damned business whether we did anything or not anyway!"

I curl myself up tighter, squeeze my eyes shut against the tears that are trying to force their way out. Me and my idiotic ideas of some perfect little first time, being held close by Jin, him touching me and kissing me and telling me how much he loves me and how he wanted this so much, and that two years felt like a lifetime's wait for it.

_And still holding onto those ideas even after finding out about his curse? Talk about living in a dreamworld. Well, now you've woken up, Xiao. This's reality. _

I grit my teeth to try and stop a small sob escaping, and the mattress sinks slightly as Hwoarang sits behind me.

"No." he says, and I feel his hand on my shoulder. "It's not."

I don't reply, I know no words would come out if I tried.

"Sorry." he says quietly. And he sits there and says nothing else, just stays with me while I bury my face in the pillow and cry, strokes my back comfortingly as I eventually find my voice and sniffle that it shouldn't be like this, that it's not fair and why couldn't it just be simple, and why did I even show up to this tournament?

"Came to see me, obviously. Just couldn't keep away."

I half laugh through my tears and wish that were the only reason, because Hwoarang's the one here with me and he isn't going anywhere, and he's trying to make me feel better.

"C'mon, Xiao. Get up and let's go for a walk or somethin'." he says after a long while, tugging on my arm to get me to sit up. "Look, you got along fine before, right?"

"I don't want to get along fine, Hwo. I want him to be with me."

"Well it's not up to you, kiddo."

Maybe he's right. But it's too soon to accept it. Suddenly, I want more than anything to go to sleep, to dream that things'll work out, even though I've just been berating myself for it 'cause I know it's stupid, that realistically, they can't. I pull my arm from Hwo's grip, shaking my head.

"I don't want to go anywhere."

"Xiao..."

"No. Go find Christie or something. She'll be better company anyway." I mutter. He heaves a sigh, getting off the bed, and I rub my eyes with the pillowcase and wait for him to leave. He doesn't, instead walking around to the other side of the bed and clambering onto it.

"Hwo, I _said_ I'm not going anywhere." I complain, annoyed at being disturbed when all I want to do is mope right now. Hey, I think I'm allowed to have a little bit of moping time, considering.

"Fine, miserable sod." He lays on his side, facing me. "Neither am I, then."

"Hwo..." I sigh tiredly. "Just go out if you wanna."

"No."

I glower at him, and he just smiles.

"I did lose my match this morning, by the way. Impressive, huh?"

"Does it matter?"

"I guess not..." I sigh. "Since you walked yours, I guess I'll just cheer you on now."

"Does that mean you weren't cheering me on before?" he teases. "Mind you, come to think of it, you probably weren't. Bet ya were willing me to fail, considering you'd have no chance if we ever got matched up."

I know he's only trying to wind me up, he did it last time too, but I nod, smiling a little now.

"I guess not. You've been in the army all this time... I've done like, zero training compared to all the stuff you must've been doing."

"Suppose so. Doesn't mean it wasn't boring as fuck though."

"Oh, let me guess, you're _so _skilled that you didn't even break a sweat even though all the other soldiers were dead on their feet?"

"Got it in one." he smirks. "Ah, it's tough being so amazing sometimes."

"Arrogant bastard." I grin.

"C'mon, let's go somewhere. You had anything to eat yet?"

"I haven't even had a _shower_ yet!" I make a face.

"Hurry up then." Hwo sighs, shoving me off the bed then folding his arms behind his head. "Tell you what, how about we go find someplace to eat outside? You haven't been on the bike in a while, right?"

"Depends, have you learned how not to drive like a absolute maniac?"

He laughs, and I head towards the bathroom, glancing back at him.

"Hwo... thanks for this." I say, and he shrugs. "I mean it. Thanks for not... you know... leaving."

_Thanks to you staying, the urge to dream the rest of the day away's begun to fade. _

I hesitate a little; it doesn't seem like he's really listening.

"Y'know, back home, even though I had Miharu, I really missed you when things went wrong... I feel better when you're here."

"I thought you wanted a shower?"

"Right, I just..."

He sits up properly, fixing me with a questioning look.

"What?"

"Even though you piss me off with your stupid comments... I'm glad you're here. I just wanted to make sure you knew that. That's all."

"Oh. Cool."

I stand there watching him, wondering why the mood's suddenly grown awkward. Maybe this kind of talk's too sappy for him or something.

"Right, get your ass in the shower." he says eventually. "If you like having me around so much, I guess you won't mind paying for dinner this time, eh?"

"What? You're the one who wanted to go in the first place! Damned cheapskate."

Despite my feigned indignation at having to empty my wallet, I can't help but smile to myself as I hurriedly shower and dress, looking forward to the prospect of getting out of the hotel grounds and just feeling like an ordinary girl hanging out with her idiot best friend again. Which is why it sucks so much when we only get halfway towards the entrance gates before three Zaibatsu-looking guys begin to approach us. I look up at Hwo, about to ask if we're not allowed to leave the complex or something, but the expression on his face tells me that he knows exactly what's going on.

"Sergeant!" one of them growls as he comes closer, flanked by the other two. Looks like he's the one in charge. "Desertion is an offence punishable by court-martial!"

"Hwoarang, what-"

The sight of his foot travelling in a graceful arc and slamming straight into the nearest soldier's face stuns me into silence, and all I can do is watch in helpless confusion as he swiftly kicks the gun out of the other one's hand before he can aim at us, then turns, snatches my wrist and drags me with him as he breaks into a run.

* * *

_And I wonder  
If I chose the right path  
At the crossroad that began  
Where I stood._

_- Crossroad, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	24. Gravity

_A/N: Relatively quick update, it should actually have been much quicker since I've had most of this chapter and the next one written for over a year, so I'm sorry it took a bit longer than I intended. I'm really grateful for the reviews for the last chapter, thanks for letting me know your thoughts, guys! SacredOrder, I just wanted to say that your comment about the fic being the only reason you come to the site made me so happy, that's a huge compliment, thank you! I'll just take the time to answer two questions before the start of this chapter. So to answer Fiona91's question, hmm... well maybe the 'love triangle' is a bit more balanced than in Monochrome. But since the fic's starting to get close to the end, I'll leave it up to you to decide. :) And Grace Yu, you're right that Namco have left the pairing hanging. It wasn't really hard for me to decide the ending though, I knew when I first started it how it was going to end! Thanks for the questions! I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I'll try and get the next chapter sorted and posted sometime soon. _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_I still remember everything  
Your voice calling my name, your casual habits  
I want to forget and yet I don't want to forget._

**Chapter Twenty Four: Gravity**

After a while of being pulled along by Hwo, our surroundings whizzing past, tripping over my own feet in an attempt to keep up, the confusion starts to fade and anger is quick to rush up in its place. It seems we've lost the soldiers for now, but that doesn't give us that much time I'm guessing. At the moment we're running through the drab grey corridors of the staff-only areas, and as we crash through yet another set of double doors, Hwoarang slows his pace, and they almost hit me square in the face as they squeakily swing back. Which doesn't help my mood any.

We've emerged in one of the arenas, it's the faux high street that I recognise only too well from my close-to-disastrous first match with Lei. Oh, and, y'know, from that time where I first saw Jin again. The memory of him telling me he was sorry I waited for him makes my throat tighten, and the way he treated me then makes so much more sense now. I need to see him again. I can't let go. Even if we can't be together, still... I still want to help. Jun believed I could, that's got to mean something, right?

"They're not after _you_." Hwo's telling me. "So if we do end up getting caught, you'd better take any damned opportunity you've got to get the hell away from 'em. Otherwise I'll kick your ass outta the fuckin' helicopter on the way back to base."

"Well that makes me feel ten times better." I snap. He ignores me, letting go of my wrist and trying a few of the boutique doors. None of them budge, which kinda makes sense, since they're probably just decorative. He looks around for a moment, then quickly grabs my hand again and heads through the gates that lead to the forest arena, immediately veering off the pathway and into the overgrown greenery.

"You didn't seem too surprised to see those guys." I say bitterly, pushing branches and leaves out of my way. "Is that why you wanted to leave the complex? 'Cause you knew they were looking for you?"

He doesn't answer, and I grit my teeth.

"And here I was thinking you just wanted to help cheer me up a little bit. But it was 'cause they were after you, wasn't it? It was nothing to do with helping me out."

"For fuck's sake, Xiao." he growls, both of us sloshing through dirty, ankle-deep water now. I'm really regretting putting sandals on. "You might not think it, but you're not the only one with problems."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"What I said. You're not the only one who's got fucking issues, Xiao. Yeah, I knew they'd show up. Yeah, I did figure going outside might buy me some more time. But it doesn't mean that was the only reason. Stop acting like a damned brat."

He stops next to a massive fallen tree trunk, and I look at him stupidly for a second before I notice that it's all hollowed out on one side, which'd make it the perfect hiding place if it wasn't for the fact that the ground below it is glistening and slippery with mud. Great. Just what I needed to make today even better. Hwo glares at me, looking about as irritated as I feel, and I'm kinda worried he might shove me face first into said mud unless I show a bit of willing, so I begrudgingly crawl into the hollow and make space for him to follow suit.

The sound of rippling water and rustling leaves are the only things I can hear as the full gravity of the whole situation finally catches up with me, and I hug my knees to my chest as though it'll keep the anger from spilling out. I can feel it, roaring through my veins and twisting in my chest and threatening to explode out of my mouth at any moment, but I really don't think screaming at Hwoarang is an option right now.

As we sit there not speaking, in my case because I don't trust myself and in his case, I dunno, probably because he knows how I'm likely to react, snow begins to fall. I watch the flakes skitter through the air. Snow always seems to bring a sort of gentle quietness with it, and I try to let this hush settle over me, let my anger start to fade. It works. But only a little.

"I just can't _believe_ you." I hiss as loudly as I dare. "Why would you be so stupid?"

Hwoarang graces me with a sidelong glance but doesn't reply. Maybe he doesn't see this as the right time to be chatting, which, okay, is a fair point, but I can't help myself.

"I'm not gonna pretend I know anything about codes of conduct or whatever, but even I know that the army doesn't tend to look kindly on idiots who _ditch_." I spit the last word, struggling to keep from raising my voice. He shrugs.

"...Bored."

"What?"

"Heard about the tournament, figured it'd be more entertaining than what I was stuck doing there."

"Oh, and how does a court martial sound, then? Remind me, Hwoarang, what is it they can do again? Fine you? Throw you in prison? Execute you?" My voice wavers, and I swallow hard, watching the snow. "That sound entertaining enough?"

"Nah, sounds more like overreaction to me."

I can't believe he can just brush this off as if it isn't a big deal.

"So why run away then?" I challenge. "If you're not even worried about what they'll do, why not just go back with them instead of-"

"Where'd the fun be in that?" he interrupts.

"Do _I_ look like I'm having fun?"

I want to scream at him, shake him, but there aren't too many quiet ways to beat sense into someone, and I'd rather we didn't get discovered.

"Well, sorry you got involved..."

He sounds petulant. I don't look at him, tears are welling in my eyes and I don't dare try and speak just yet because I know I'll start crying.

"I can't believe you..." I repeat after a while, voice barely a whisper. "I thought you were smart. But you just decide to skip out for no reason other than you're_ bored?_ What are you, five?"

"And what are you, fifty? Quit fuckin' lecturing." he snaps.

"Ugh, Hwoarang, just grow the hell up."

The faint sound of footsteps stalls our argument, and I shrink as far back into our little hiding place as possible. Hwoarang's arm wraps around my shoulders, pulling me tight against him, and both of us are perfectly still as the footsteps approach, their owner moving at a purposeful speed and rhythm. The hissing of radio static mixes with our hushed breathing.

"Copy that. Yes, confirmed sightings of both of them. Yes. Hon-Maru..."

The voice is male, smooth, authoritative, and judging by the accent, definitely doesn't belong to any of the soldiers who're after us. Whoever it is doesn't even break their stride as they stroll past us, but I still don't dare move until the footsteps and the static fade away completely.

"Who was...?" I trail off, feeling the slight movement as Hwoarang shrugs.

"No idea."

"And what's Hon-Maru?"

"Dunno."

A shiver runs through me. He wasn't talking about _us_, so who did he mean by 'both of them'? I wish I knew what's really going on. I remember one of the times I dreamed of Jin, he said 'it's worse than last time'. What could be worse than Toshin?

"...It wasn't just being bored." Hwoarang whispers after a long moment, still keeping me pressed close to him. "I had other reasons."

"Reasons that were worth the risk?" I ask, forgetting my inner musings for a second, all my anger rushing back.

"I'd say so, yeah."

"Enlighten me then."

"...Does it matter?

"Yeah, it does. I wanna know what the hell could _possibly_ be worth getting thrown in military prison for."

He gives me a long look and then sighs as I wait for him to explain further.

"Just drop it, ok? The reason's fucking irrelevant... It's done now."

A blinding light gleams in my face and I squint, my eyes struggling to adjust to the glare, disappointment and dread settling heavily in the pit of my stomach at the sight of the soldier aiming his gun down at us. He flashes a brilliant smile.

"You're damned right it's done now."

* * *

_Have I chosen the wrong path?  
No matter who I ask, I can't get an answer._

_- Hanabi ~episode II~, Ayumi Hamasaki  
_


	25. Division

_A/N: First thing's first because I should have done this in the notes before the last chapter, TheMessangerVIII on DeviantArt, who does the most adorable art I've ever seen, drew some scenes from Monochrome. I've linked it in my profile, so please go look, it's just about the cutest thing ever and I am still squeeing over it! _

_So, here's the last of the quick updates. Thanks for the reviews for the previous chapter, as always! I'm so grateful that you're all still reading and letting me know what you think even though this fic has been going on so long, it's really awesome to know you like how I write these characters and this story. And thanks for pointing out that missed full stop, Razer! Right at the beginning of the chapter as well, gah! Self, I am disappoint. Grace Yu, sorry there's no Jin in this chapter, but he'll be back soon, promise! A Tekken 6 story you say? Hmm, well I'm not keen on writing a Tekken 5 one because of the silly time machine thing, but maybe I could do something based around Tekken 6. I'll be writing a short epilogue for this one, anyway, so watch out for that after this fic's all done. Still got a few chapters to go though! Hope you guys enjoy this one. _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_I wanted to say I love you  
I couldn't say I love you  
But I feel like that was  
My biggest lie and yet the truth._

**Chapter Twenty Five: Division**

"Have fun, did we?"

Hwoarang doesn't answer, but I can tell by the tenseness in his body that he's not too happy about the whole situation. Maybe he _is_ worried about what'll happen to him after all. There's no getting out of this now though, four soldiers with four guns, and while Hwo might fare just fine without use of his hands, I really don't fancy _my _chances. It's not worth the risk to try.

It's the soldier who's escorting me who spoke up. Upon receiving no reply to his question, he shrugs, takes out a cigarette and flicks his lighter a couple of times, trying to get a steady flame to no avail.

"Aw, fuck. Hey, Hwoarang, you got a light?"

He sounds as nonchalant as if he's making the request outside a pub rather than while dragging a fellow soldier to a court martial.

"Yeah, Jung, 'cause I could _really_ get it for you if I did."

"Oh, forgot about the cuffs. Guess I can hardly stick my hands in your pockets either, you don't seem to be in the mood for that." Jung sounds far more amused than _I_ feel.

Hwoarang makes a dismissive noise, and we carry on in silence for a while, the snow still drifting around us, heavier than before. It brushes against my cheeks and lands on my eyelashes, and I try my best to blink it away before it melts.

"So. You're Xiao, huh?"

I flash him a glare, not too happy about this complete stranger using my nickname. Especially not when he's got me in handcuffs, which, by the way, why? _I _didn't run out on the army.

"Don't call me that. It's Ling Xiaoyu."

"Yeah, I thought so." He takes absolutely zero notice of my hostility. "Recognised you from that photo. The chick with the red hair not here then?"

"No. She doesn't fight." Well, apart from that one time last year when we were shopping in the sales and some woman picked up the last pair of raffia sandals in her size. If I'd not distracted her with a pair of leopard print ballet pumps I swear there'd have been blood spilled.

"Too bad, I always liked the look of her."

I smile despite myself, imagining how Miharu would react to this guy. He's not bad looking, and I discovered she has a weakness for army boys when we used to check the papers for any mention of the Korean military.

It feels a bit weird, engaging in polite conversation with Jung, but there's something about him that's more likeable than the other three. They're silent, stern, disapproving, but this guy's here chatting away like nothing's wrong.

"Sorry about the 'cuffs, but you're what we call insurance. Can't have him trying to run off again can we? Kinda sucks for you that we've gotta take you back with us for questioning though. Hope you're not in the finals 'cause it's gonna take a while."

"What if I _am_ in the finals?" I ask, thinking of Jin with despair. How am I supposed to help him if I'm stuck getting questioned by these guys? And for what? Helping Hwoarang go AWOL? I didn't even have a clue about it until today. I'm just an innocent bystander in all of this. It's so unfair.

Jung doesn't answer, and I sigh. I'm still angry with Hwo, and I know he told me that if I had the chance I should escape... but if I _do_ go with them, maybe I could help him out. I dunno, put in a good word for him or something. Plead with them not to be too harsh, tell them I put him up to it.

For another moment, Jung stays quiet, as though considering something, and he slows his pace a little.

"Your hands are really small..." he observes, lowering his voice. I blink at him like an idiot, wondering what the hell he's getting at, until he slides his forefinger between one of the handcuffs and my wrist. I hadn't even noticed how loose they were until now.

Suddenly, one of the soldiers shouts over his shoulder for Jung to 'get a fucking move on', and he shrugs and grins, hurrying me along until we've almost caught up with the others. We're getting close to the gates that lead back to other arenas and the gardens of the hotel, and I know it won't be long until we rejoin the waiting soldiers. Hwoarang hasn't said a word, and my stomach begins to tie itself in anxious knots. My mind is racing to think of some way we can both escape this situation, even though my rational side knows there's pretty much no way out. I'm suddenly aware of cold metal pressing against the back of my thigh, and I glance downwards, hardly daring to breathe.

It's Jung's handgun. He flicks his gaze over to Hwoarang and back to me.

"Listen, I owe him a favour. Gotta wonder if I put those handcuffs on tight enough." he whispers pointedly, and I get the hint this time. It's surprisingly easy to slip one hand out of the restraints, and he shoves the gun into my grasp.

"Don't really shoot me. The safety's off."

I glance at the other soldiers, but they don't seem to have heard. They're deep in conversation, something to do with manoeuvers.

"Oh, and don't try and get 'em to let him go. Knowing those guys, they'll probably just shoot you in the leg or something and then you'd be back to square one. But, y'know, in a bit more pain."

"But..."

"We'll talk more in a minute." he hisses. "Do it."

The gun's cold and heavy in my hand, and I'm reminded of two years ago, when I ran away from Toshin, leaving Hwoarang to face it by himself. I know it's not exactly the same thing, but regardless of that, and regardless of what Hwoarang said earlier, I still feel sick with guilt as I quickly sweep Jung's feet from under him, whipping the gun forward with shaky hands and aiming it as best I can. He crashes to the floor as though I attacked him at full strength, doing quite a convincing job of looking like he's in pain.

"Argh, fuck!" he cries, and for a moment my eyes meet Hwoarang's before the sound of a safety catch clicking off reminds me that Jung wasn't joking about the other guys. I tear my gaze away, whirl around and take off back down the path, then realise how much of an easy target I'm making myself by running in a straight line and make a sudden turn, crashing through the foliage as bullets slam into the ground where my feet were a split second before.

"She's got my gun!" Jung whines, and one of his colleagues snarls an angry order to him to go retrieve it, and me.

As I splash through muddy water and knock branches away for the second time today, there's a strange sensation of relief mixing with the adrenaline surging through my blood. Relief because during that fleeting moment when our eyes met, I felt as though there were some kind of unspoken exchange between me and Hwoarang. It might sound like wishful thinking, but I swear I saw definite reassurance in his expression before I turned and fled, that he really meant what he said before.

* * *

"You really need to work on choosing better hiding places." Jung comments, grabbing my wrist and yanking me to my feet with a grunt. I quickly pull my hand from his grasp and sit down on the fallen tree trunk I'd been hiding under. Yeah, the same one as last time. I figured no one would think anyone would be stupid enough to use the same place twice. Obviously this guy didn't give me that much credit.

"What's gonna happen to Hwoarang?" I demand, and he sits down next to me, taking his pack off and propping his feet up on it.

"Dunno. Prison or a fine, probably. That's how these things usually go."

"But they won't put him in front of a firing squad, right?"

Jung fixes me with a disbelieving stare, then starts to laugh.

"Think someone's been watchin' too many old movies." He leans back, looking up into the snow. "Mind you, he said you were like that. Always overreactin' and shit."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I brush snowflakes from my face.

"Did... did he talk about me and Miharu much then?"

"Yeah. The last few weeks before he took off, you especially."

"Oh." I stare down at my hands, now clasped in my lap. "One of his reasons for leaving, then..."

"How about you were his _main_ reason for leaving? By the way, don't suppose _you've_ got a light?" He sounds exasperated, restlessly shuffling the cigarettes around in the packet. I shake my head.

"How do _you_ know that's what his main reason was?" I ask, fumbling for another way to rationalise it, feeling as though someone's grabbed my heart and twisted it out as I go over our earlier conversation. He just about _told_ me when we were hiding together, and I didn't even see it.

"You know he only had a couple of months left? All he had to do was sit tight, keep his head down." He puts the cigarettes away. "But nah, he decided he needed to see _you_, and that was that, no way anyone was gonna change his mind. I was like, 'come on, I haven't seen my girlfriend in ages either, wait it out!' But..."

Jung takes out his lighter and tries it again. It sparks weakly and dies out, and he tosses it into the undergrowth with an annoyed sigh.

"Fuckin' _thing_. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I _did_ get to write to my girl I guess. And call her a few times. Dunno why I bothered cos she just bitched me out, but... yeah."

"I'm not his girlfriend." I say tonelessly, still staring at my hands, my whole body numb from cold. "Did he... did he tell you I-"

"Nah, I know you're not. He never said you were, but..."

Jung trails off, looking at me in alarm. I can feel warm tears tracing their way down my face.

"Hey, don't _do_ that. I suck at dealing with crying girls. Turn the other way or something, you're makin' me uncomfortable."

His radio crackles to life, a voice on the other end demanding a report. It sounds like the soldier who sent him after me, but it's so fizzy it's hard to tell.

"Nope, not found her yet, but thanks for alerting anyone who's hiding in a ten mile radius to my presence, _boss_."

He puts the radio down, ignoring the irate reply from the other soldier, hops to his feet and kneels down next to his pack, unzipping it and rifling through. I wipe my sleeve across my eyes.

I want to just curl up in our hiding place and cry, regardless of however much of an overreaction that would be. I've been so absorbed in myself and Jin until now that I've hardly ever noticed anyone else's feelings. Hwoarang's always been there to help me, whether it's by making me smile or putting his arm around me or even just sitting and listening to me when I'm so sad that even his silly comments don't help. What have I done in return? Oh yeah; whined at him about how much I love Jin, and how much I want to help Jin, and how Jin confuses me, and Jin Jin Jin Jin Jin. And Hwo never once told me to shut up about him, he'd just tease me and I'd feel better.

"What's with the crying anyway?" Jung asks, still rummaging around in the pack. "I know Hwoarang can be a utter dick sometimes, but surely the idea of being his girlfriend isn't _that_ horrifying."

It's a lame joke, but I appreciate the effort to cheer me up a little.

"He did it with Miharu too..." I say, not really talking to Jung, thinking about how he'd flirt with us both when we all sat together in the common room between lessons.

"Fuck,_ I'd _do it with Miharu." He finally pulls a zippo lighter and a bundle of papers out of one of the zip pockets of the pack and gives a pleased little sigh of relief.

"How was I supposed to know there was anything behind it when he did it with us both?"

"Uh, what? Was there some kind of threesome thing going on between you guys?" He stares at me, wide eyed, cigarette halfway to his mouth, and I can't tell whether he's joking or not. "Gotta say, you don't look like the sort to be into that, but it's always the innocent looking ones, I guess."

My face heats up and I scowl at him.

"Of course there wasn't! And in what universe is it okay to be so interested in the sex life of someone you don't even know, anyway?"

"Chill, I was just playing." he laughs. I shake my head, annoyance fading. "Before I forget, here."

Jung shoves the bundle of papers at me, and I automatically take them, eyeing him with curiosity.

"Me and the girlfriend're always fighting. Couple of weeks ago she says we're through and sends all my letters back to me. Those included. 'Why I should do favours for any of your buddies is beyond me' she says." He puts a whiny voice on for the last part. "Brought 'em along 'cause I was gonna give em back to Hwoarang, but they were meant for you anyway, right? I don't think she read 'em, so if there's any references to your crazy threesomes, don't worry."

All I can do is stare at him like a moron.

"Anyway, they've gotta be getting suspicious by now." Jung lights his cigarette and takes a long, lazy drag, closing his eyes and breathing the smoke out into the snowy air with a groan of satisfaction. "Ah, I needed that..." he murmurs. "What a day. Hey, you've still got my gun, right?"

I pick it up gingerly and hand it over, and he aims it at the ground and fires once, making me give a violent start. He smiles and nods to himself, clicks the safety on and shoves the gun into its holster, and the radio fizzes to life again, an angry voice demanding why a shot was fired.

"Me and the girl had an, uh, altercation, Sir." Jung flashes me a grin as he hoists his pack back on. "Had a bit of a scuffle and the gun went off. I got it back, but... um, she's kinda getting away. Should I go after her again?"

"How can you be stupid enough to ask that?" the voice splutters. "You've just given away our position to the Zaibatsu, you fuckin' idiot! For God's sake, just forget about her and get back here!"

"I apologise, Sir." He doesn't sound in the slightest bit sincere. "Sounds like we're leaving." he says to me. "Don't worry about Hwoarang. I'm sure he'll be able to use the prison phone at some point."

Before his remark registers in my head, Jung's already running back the way he came, the footprints in the thin layer of snow the only sign he was ever there after his footsteps fade away.

* * *

_We believed we'd found  
One thing that wouldn't change  
And as we felt it change  
We took one step apart. _

_- Together When, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	26. Clarity

_A/N: Finally, an update! As always, I'm sorry for taking so long to get this one written. I hope you guys enjoy it, even if it's a tad short compared to the last few chapters. The end of this chapter just seemed like the most natural place to leave off, so that's what I figured I should do. :) Let me know your thoughts, I'm always grateful to hear from you. _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_No matter how hard I try, I can't escape it.  
My past is always chasing me. _

**Chapter Twenty Six: Clarity**

The first letter is dated August in his usual messy scrawl, as though it was some homework assignment someone reminded him about five minutes before it was due in, and there's a coffee ring in the top corner. Typical.

_Hey, kiddo. _

_First off, what's with the whole waxing nostalgic thing? Don't bother sending me letters if you're gonna be all whiny, I get enough of that whenever Jung gets smashed and starts up the usual 'I wanna go home' maudlin shit. And definitely don't bother sending me letters if you're just gonna rub it in about how you and Mi are lazing around in the sun while I'm dodging bullets and dealing with moron soldiers. You wouldn't believe where one of 'em decided to shove a .556 round the other day. I mean, fuck's sake. If you're that bored, you go to the gym or something. Makes me really fucking glad I'm not a medic. And now you're mentioning theme parks, and no, I am not coming on the rollercoaster with you. Damn, I can just see it now, all screaming idiots and and screeching kids hopped up on sugar and that fucking irritating, repetitive noise that they pass off as music. And as for those cheating bastard crane games and the stuffed animals, let's not go there. I think I can honestly say I'd prefer to extract that .556 round I mentioned._

_And sure, 'course you miss me. That's why you're ignoring my damned letters. I won't say write back soon, since I've kinda got the hint._

_Hwo._

_P.S: I've been joking pretty much all the way through this letter. So you can stop pouting and looking even more like a whiny five year old than usual. _

_I miss you too. Really. _

I turn over the second envelope, closing my eyes for a while as snowflakes swirl in the wind, melting into my hair and skin. Then it begins to dawn on me that it's not cold anymore. I open my eyes. The snow's gone.

Brilliant sunlight glistens on the surface of the water, and I'm standing on the edge, struggling to get a foothold as the stream rushes past me, winding its way deeper into the forest.

"…Just a little more."

Jin's hand is in mine, the only thing preventing me from falling, but this time he pulls me back from the edge and into his arms. He's warm as the afternoon breeze, his fingers sliding through my hair and down my back, touching me as if I'm his most fragile treasure, as if he's scared I might shatter and disappear.

"I knew I'd see you again." I say.

His arms tighten around me, his voice soft.

"I can't do this without you."

Why is he telling me this? Why is he telling me exactly what I wanted to hear? This is how I wanted it to go, how I'd dreamed it would go. Which should clue me in straight away that it's not real.

"You don't have to." I say, and I know this isn't right, but I don't understand.

_I want you to focus on your own future, not mine._

The look on his face after he told me that convinced me that it was painful, final. It was his way of telling me to let go. The Jin who's holding me now, is he the same Jin who said that? Is this what he really wants, underneath it all, in spite of his better judgement? This is a dream, like all the rest. But I can't help but want to live in it a little longer.

"I'm glad."

The sound of running water seems to fade out completely, and all I can hear is my breathing, my heart, his breathing, his heart. I bury my face in his chest as sunlight shimmers down on us. A faint sense of unease is rising in me, even as I fight to force it back, wanting to prolong this moment even if it isn't real. I know that makes me pretty much pathetic, but still.

_...Just a little more._

"I'm sorry, Xiao."

"Why?"

Pulling back to look at him, I can see Jun out of the corner of my eye. Just like last time, she's on the other side of the stream, out of reach, intangible, a spectre illuminated by the strength of the sun. But then Jin locks his gaze with mine, and I'm transfixed. His eyes, dark and gentle and sad. His mouth, capable of sending my mind spinning, whether it's with a kiss or a few simple words. Like 'we can't be together'.

Then he does kiss me, and it's desperate and fierce, as though he can barely hold back. One arm is still wrapped tight around me, the other hand cupping my chin, and I reach up to wind my arms around his neck.

"I always pull you back in the end." he murmurs against my mouth. "Even though I know it'd be better for you if I didn't. Even though I know you can't let go if I don't… but I…"

His lips brush my ear, his breath whispers over my skin, and I don't dare to hope, but it's been two years. I've wanted, waited, dreamed of this for two years.

_Please say it, please tell me._

The cheerful bubbling of the stream suddenly breaks back through with startling clarity, and now Jun's kneeling on the grass, lightly trailing her fingers through the surface of the water. Her reflection is dull and hazy, and as I watch, she begins to disappear, as though she was never really there at all.

"Xiao… I love you." Jin says.

And my heart stops at the words. I want to look at him, to say something, but something's stopping me from pulling my gaze from the water.

"Look." Jun's voice, almost too soft to hear. "See with your eyes, not with your heart, Xiaoyu."

As Jun's image fades from the water, Jin's becomes vivid, and his face and chest are tainted with thick black markings, his eyes glowing with an unearthly light. Like the shocking sensation of falling into freezing water, everything becomes clear in an instant.

_I love you._

There's those words again, but now the spell's broken, I know there's no truth behind them.

_I was never speaking to Jin, was I? It was you all along. _

Now his hands slide down my arms, gripping my wrists, and what was once a gentle smile has transformed into a taunting smirk.

"Did you think it was him? That somehow you were connected?"

Looking into his eyes, trying desperately to force back the rising panic, I don't even know _how_ to think anymore. I don't struggle free from his grip, even as it tightens painfully, even as his grin gets wider and he leans closer and everything in me is screaming that I need to get away, to run as far and as fast as possible. I can't move. I can't even break eye contact. In front of me, he looks no different, but his reflection has already told the true story. I don't want to see anymore. I want to wake up.

"All those childish daydreams, Ling Xiaoyu, just prove how little you really know about him."

His teeth graze my lower lip as he kisses me roughly, and tears blur my vision. He's right. I can't fight him, can't save him. I never could. It was always too late, he was never asking for my help, not even in my dreams. And even so, my heart still leapt when he said he loved me.

"Deep beneath the surface, he resents your innocence."

He releases one of my wrists, tilting my chin up to him with a gentleness that's nothing other than frightening now I know his true face, and behind me, the sun glimmers in the water.

"All this time you've been dreaming of him, tender and considerate and patient, when all he wants is to tear it away."

The words are punctuated by claws slashing open my jacket, scraping my chest, and I cry out in surprise and pain. His eyes glitter with malice, the burning sting of his claws on my skin becomes a insistent throb.

"Don't worry." he smiles. "It always hurts the first time."

* * *

_I wonder if after it catches up with me  
It will eventually overtake me.  
Forgive me for not telling you. _

- GUILTY, Ayumi Hamasaki


	27. Schism

_A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter guys and girls! I'm glad you enjoyed it even though there was a cliffhanger there at the end. I've just got to say, Dilu, it's so great to hear from you again! I was so happy you reviewed and liked the story, I hope you enjoy the rest of it too. And Razer, I love you. I meant the other definition of waxing lol. I hope you guys like this chapter, I'm aware it might be a little hard to follow so please let me know if it is so that I can improve on scenes like these in the future. _

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_I can do anything for your smile  
__My precious treasure  
__My precious treasure._

**Chapter Twenty Seven: Schism**

_Hey, kiddo. _

_This's gonna have to be a really quick one, 'cause the post's due out in about five minutes, but I dunno if you're even getting these anyway, so yeah. Probably not worth the effort. Anyway, on the off chance that you do get this, here's the deal. Got a letter from Mi, she said you're not your idiotic, annoying self lately 'cause you love me too much. Well, she actually just said you're quiet and stuff, and I should write you or call you. But I can read between the lines. Listen, I know it's tough, not having someone awesome around, but keep your chin up. Don't start getting all depressive and shit. I can't speak for Kazama, the dick, but I can't get back any sooner, whether you mope and cry or not, so what's the point? But still. I hope you've not been crying._

* * *

Jin's mouth is searingly hot against mine, and I shove at his chest, twist out of his grip to escape and get nowhere. Everything's gone. The cheerful bubbling of the river, the sunlight, Jun. All that's left is us. All I can hear now is myself, pleading for him to let go, to leave me alone.

"_You _wouldn't do either of those things when I asked you to." Jin clutches at my wrist, grabs a fistful of my hair and tugs me to him. I can feel his ragged breath as well as hear it, his lips are on the back of my neck, one arm crushing me against him. "And now you expect _me_ to?"

"I only wanted to help you…" I sob, and I feel him smile against my skin. He relaxes his grip on me, turns me to face him.

"And do you still want to help me now?" he murmurs, stroking my tears away with his thumb. "Now you've actually seen me?"

"But it's not you…" I start, and his grin widens.

"Then who is it?"

I don't know how to answer him, so I don't try.

"I dreamed about you so many times." I whisper instead. "I thought it meant something. I thought you were trying to reach me, to ask for help…"

* * *

_**Hate me.**_

* * *

Suddenly, there's the sound of the ocean. I'm sitting on the sand, knees pulled up to my chest, gazing at the early sunset on the horizon, all brilliant blues, purples, pinks. Jin is beside me, and he leans back on his hands, the studs on his gloves glinting as they catch the light. The breeze plays with his hair when he looks over at me with a smile.

"I know." He nods towards the sea, where there's a little girl sitting down in the surf, her black hair in pigtails. "And do you know why?"

I stare at the girl, expressionless. She's crying, rubbing at her eyes with her fists.

And I do know why. Because she's still part of me. That little girl who thinks things'll work out like they do in fairytales. Who cries when she thinks she's been left alone. That's why I thought he was trying to reach me. Because deep down, part of me is still that naive child.

* * *

_**Curse me.**_

* * *

"I've dreamed about you, too." he says, and now we're in the temple from two years ago, bathed in the warm glow from the torches mounted on the walls. Again, I'm watching from a distance as I struggle to free myself from Jin's grip, his hands tight around my throat, my shoes scuffing against the floor.

This time though, it isn't Jun by my side as I watch my body tumble to the ground, the bruise forming a dark butterfly on my neck. It's Jin, his eyes looking so much more frightening in the gloom, leaning in close to whisper in my ear.

"In my dreams, I overtake him completely. That's why I wanted you here."

And we're not in the temple any more. I'm sitting on my bed in the hotel room with my sheets wrapped around me, the moon glowing through the curtains, Jin standing in the doorway.

"I can't protect you." he says, and now I understand why.

"Do you still want to help me now?" he asks.

* * *

_**Hate me.**_

* * *

Everything's gone. The glow of the moon, the warmth and softness of the sheets, Jin. All that's left is me. All I can hear now is my own breathing. And for a moment, in the overwhelming quiet and stillness, I want to call for someone. It doesn't matter who it is, I just want to call for _anyone_ to come and find me, to plead with them to just hold onto me and not leave me alone.

But I don't. Because I get it now. Maybe that little girl _is_ still a part of me, but she's not the _only_ part of me. So instead, I just take a deep breath and call Jin's name one more time. The last.

"Don't call for me any more." he says, and he sounds so tired. "I'm not who I was. I can't ever be who I was. Accept it."

_I know you've changed._ I want to say, but the words refuse to come out. _But_ _can't you see you're not the only one?_

His words echo in my head. _I can't ever be who I was_. And something shifts, falls into place.

* * *

_**Curse me.**_

* * *

I remember that spring when we met. I remember the girl I was then, talking to the boy he used to be. How he smiled when I asked him silly questions. How he kissed me and confused me that first time. Slight glimpses of the real him when we were alone together. Back then I was just an ordinary girl with normal problems. Homework, silly little fights with my friends, trying to get out of doing chores. I'm not who I was, either. All of it, everything that happened last time, this time. They've changed me, too. I'm not just the little girl with the stupid daydreams any more. I _know_ we're not going to overcome this and live happily ever after. I know that. I know I can't keep clinging to those memories much longer. That girl, that boy… I have to let them go.

Even though I've been resisting it, denying it, trying to find a workaround this whole time, I know all of this. Forget the fights I've had in the tournament, forget beating Lei, blocking Lee's path, falling to Julia. This was always the reason I came here, the fight that mattered most. It's all but over. I know that. But there's one thing I need to make sure _he_ knows.

"We've both changed." I hear myself say, and I know I'm crying again even though this time I can't feel the tears. "I know we can't be together. But that doesn't mean I want to help you any less."

He shoves me away hard enough that I stumble and fall, his eyes wide, voice incredulous.

* * *

_**Hate me.**_

* * *

I try and get to my feet, and he grabs me by the ragged remains of my jacket, his face twisting in pain.

"You think someone who could do what I've done to you - what I _could_ do to you - is worth saving? You've _seen_ me, how can you still not understand what I am?"

The pain across my chest, up until now hardly noticeable, increases tenfold, as if to validate what he's saying.

"I'm cursed with the blood of the devil," he says as I grit my teeth against the ache. "And that blood should stop with me before I do something that I can never be forgiven for. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Because it isn't what you are! It's part of you, not _all _of you!"

He lets go of me, and I can see he's fighting back tears. We're back at the stream, next to the glittering water.

"Not yet. But soon."

I start to cry, now. Harsh, wrenching sobs that hurt my chest and throat, but hurt my heart so much more. I'm crying for Jin, for myself, for everything we were and are and could have been, and as he wraps his arms around me one more time I wonder if he's crying for the same reasons.

"Not yet." he says again, stroking my back, trying to soothe me. "Not yet."

I tighten my grip on him.

"Keep fighting."

And I'm not asking as the little girl who doesn't want to be alone. I'm asking as the girl who wants Jin to overcome this, who never wants him to do something he can't be forgiven for.

"I will." he says. "For as long as I can."

I can accept that. I can't ask for anything more.

My head starts to throb, vision swimming. Somewhere far away, I can hear him saying that knowing he's got my support makes it easier, I can hear him saying 'thank you' in that soft voice I missed so much while he was gone. But what sticks in my mind the most is 'goodbye', just before everything fades to white.

* * *

_One day, when the sun's rays poured down like usual  
__And a gentle wind fluttered by  
__Alone, I felt something inside me  
__Quietly  
__Become strong and sure._

_- JEWEL, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	28. Answers and Questions

_A/N: Six months is a very long time between chapters, isn't it? I'm really sorry for taking absolutely ages with this story, I really don't know how to thank you guys that are still following it and reviewing and putting up with my terrible updating habits. This chapter was really really difficult for me to write, even though I've known exactly how I wanted it to go from quite early on. Maybe it's because I kinda don't want to end this story, considering how long it's taken and how much I've enjoyed writing it. Whatever the reason, I'm sorry it took so long. Thanks for sticking with me. One more to go before we're done!_

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_I've decided that these will be  
__My last words of love for you._

**Chapter Twenty Eight: Answers and Questions**

Jin's presence has faded completely, and I squeeze my eyes shut. The light's blinding enough to make my head ache, as though there's something trying to smash out from the inside, something that's been kept there for way too long. As I stand there, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes, I can feel it fading, a soothing wind winding its way through my hair. It's conjuring up memories of being at the beach as a kid, enjoying the cool evening after a day in the sun.

I drop my hands.

The canal's stretching out in front of me, the last rays of sunlight gleaming on the water. There's a woman sitting on the wall, her dress ruffling around her calves in the slight breeze. Jun. So I'm back here again, then. Where this whole thing started.

"I've been waiting for you." She hops off the wall, coming towards me. "To thank you for being there for him."

I just look at her. So much time's passed since she first told me that. I can't help but wonder if she had any idea how things'd turn out back then. Maybe she knew all along.

"You feel like he left you behind, don't you?"

Same question as before. She's watching me carefully, and I take in a long breath, looking past her, over the calm waters, into the sun. Being back here is making me wish things could've turned out how I wanted them to. How I'd hoped they would at the start of all this. Selfish, I know. I guess I'm still learning not to be. I'm not quite there yet.

"For a long time, I didn't get it." I told her. "I thought you expected me to save him, and I didn't know how."

She doesn't answer.

"That's not what you were asking, is it?"

She moves closer, eyes full of concern.

"I never expected you to save him. That's not your responsibility."

"You just wanted me to be there for him."

She nods.

"I wanted you to give him the strength to keep fighting, to make things easier to bear for a while. And you did that."

_For a while._

I hear Jin's voice again, unbearably sad. _'Not yet. But soon.'_

"…Can he be saved?"

"I believe everyone can. Don't you think so, Xiaoyu?"

_Am I really still so idealistic? Even after everything?_

"Yeah." I answer. "I guess I do."

_Yeah. I guess I am._

* * *

I'm in the forest again, and Jun's still there, ghostlike in the darkness. She's walking through the trees, mist curling around her. Up ahead there's a shrine, half hidden in dense fog, and her feet make no sound as she walks up the wooden stairs. It's not the same type of silence as before, in the snow after everyone'd gone. It's more like the complete stillness of dawn. When it's so quiet that it feels like no one else in the entire world could possibly be awake.

She turns slightly when she reaches the top of the stairs, just enough to show that she knows I'm there. And I know this is where I should stop. This is where I should let go of her, too, because I'm not headed this way. Jun is facing me, now. She's looking straight at me, a gentle, reassuring smile on her face. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to, though. Her smile is enough.

* * *

My whole body's numb with cold. And no wonder, considering I'm sprawled in the snow, still clutching Hwo's letters. It's dark, freezing, and I have pretty much zero idea where I am. Okay, I need to get back to the hotel. The soldiers are long gone, there's no one coming back for me. I breathe in, and there's a faint scent of smoke in the air. Not the distinctive smell of cigarettes, although I really wish it was, because that would mean Hwo was still here, that they'd not taken him away. More like a bonfire smell, maybe? I glance around and sure enough, in the distance, through the trees, I can see a telltale orange glow. Without really thinking, I pull myself to my feet, shove the letters in my pocket, and start towards the fire.

At first, my body refuses to move as it should, limbs stiff and painful, but I force myself on, stumbling over rocks and slipping on icy ground. Branches snap and twist under my feet, the frosty air stinging my face, until I finally burst through overgrown trees and into the light from the blaze up ahead. It's the shrine from my dream, and my stomach drops at the possibility of someone being trapped inside.

The heat from the flames intensifies the closer I get, and I know it's dangerous, but I'm not thinking straight. I'm not really thinking at all, hardly knowing what I'm trying to do but still wanting to help in some way, even though there might not be anyone who even _needs _my help. Come to think of it, I don't even know how long the fire's been going for. I'm not headed this way, I know that. I'm not meant to be here. I should just turn back, but it's like I'm still dreaming, not in control of myself or where I'm going.

I just manage to reach the top of the stairs before the shrine doors explode outwards, searing heat rushing to meet me, hurling me back down as pain arcs through my body and bright spots dance across my vision, and I swear I hear something crack, a wave of nausea running through me. For a second as I fall, it's like everything goes into slow motion, and I wonder who'll be the one to stumble upon me once I reach the bottom. Some hapless Zaibatsu soldier who's been sent to sift through the rubble and ends up finding the only person in the history of ever who figured it'd be a smart move to try and run into a burning building?

But I never get there. Something - some_one, _grabs hold of me before I make it all the way. There's an insistent thrum in my ears, pain spreading through my head, the sound of beating wings. I feel like I'm floating, weightless as the swirling smoke. The grass is crisp with frost, cool beneath me as I'm set down, someone carefully supporting my head while I cling to the last threads of consciousness, trying to force my eyes open to see who's saved me.

* * *

I'm somewhere else. _Again. _I've got a feeling I'm gonna wind up looking back on this as the weirdest day ever. This place reminds me a little bit of the training room at Heihachi Mishima's mansion. The place me and Jin had our first and only sparring session, and he… well… let's not go into how it almost ended up. That's all done with now.

I can't see very well, all I can make out is dark wood and firelight. There's two large torches up ahead, crackling merrily either side of a gold Buddha statue. It's almost luminous in the shadows, my eyes instantly drawn to it now I can see better, and then I notice there's someone's sprawled on the smooth wooden floor, unmoving. Someone with bright red fighting gloves, and a dark, jagged scar across his chest. I remember his voice from before.

_Hate me. Curse me._

Kazuya.

Jin's here too. The tattoo's spreading out again, and there's black wings sprouting out of his back. He doesn't see me. He's gritting his teeth in fury, one hand clutching Heihachi's collar, the other drawn back, ready to strike. Suddenly, I see a foggy image of him without the Devil markings, like a memory that's close to fading completely. Then I see Heihachi approaching, walking past the unconscious Kazuya, shaking his head in disapproval before fixing a challenging gaze on Jin.

_I will make your power mine…_

But he's defenceless now, not enough strength left to struggle free. Did Jin fight both of them? This's what he said he wanted, what he told me he was gonna do a few days back when we were in the courtyard together. He said the Mishima bloodline couldn't go any further.

This's something that will change him, something irreversible.

I can't call out to him, move towards him, do anything. All I can do is watch. He has to do this alone; to either keep fighting or give in. Somewhere in my mind, I'm aware that I'm not even there physically, that it's another dream, and it's like I'm watching through static interference as he pulls back a hand to deliver the finishing blow.

I don't want to see this. I can't watch him become a different person, turn into someone unrecognisable.

Jin gasps, stops, and for a moment I think he can see me. He's not looking at me though. He's looking past me, through me, it's the statue that's caught his attention. I follow his gaze, and for a split second I see her. She doesn't move or speak, and as soon as I blink, she's gone. But just for a moment, she was there. She was definitely there.

And it was enough.

Just a ghost of a smile, then he throws Heihachi to the ground unharmed, and he's still the Jin I know. He's still fighting, like he told me he would.

_Thank my mother. Jun Kazama._

* * *

_After I couldn't see anything  
__I could see everything  
__The road ahead is too narrow  
__I have no choice but to walk it alone._

_- Brilliante, Ayumi Hamasaki_


	29. Never Ever

_A/N: So it took me four days shy of five years to finish this up. I think that's a personal best for me, even Monochrome didn't take that long! I want to thank every single person that left me a review for this fic, you guys are awesome, and I'm so grateful for all your feedback and support. I'm so happy that you stuck with me even though more often than not, I took ridiculously long breaks between updates. I especially want to thank Razer, because without her enthusiasm and encouragement, it would probably have taken even longer than five years for me to finish this! I really hope that you guys enjoy the last chapter, and thanks again. As ever, let me know what you thought of it, I'd be super happy to hear your feedback one more time._

* * *

**NEVER EVER**

* * *

_We keep walking,  
__Moving towards the next stage,  
__We keep shining,  
__On this road that continues on forever._

**Chapter Twenty Nine: Never Ever**

When I wake up to see a blurry skull hovering over me, its glowing green eyes studying my face, my first instinct is to freak the hell out. I swear, the only reason I don't let out a deafening screech is that my heart has leapt into my throat and I don't think I could make a sound even if I wanted to.

"Forgive me. I didn't mean to frighten you."

The voice is gentle, calm, and once he moves away, I finally let out the breath I was holding. It ends up coming out as a tired groan, and I bury my face in the pillow. Not just because everything hurts, and I'm getting kinda sick of always waking up in some sort of pain lately, but also because I'm getting really sick of glowy eyed monsters. Seriously. How many times? At least this one hasn't attempted to strangle me, though I suppose there's still plenty of time for that yet.

My eyes are still struggling to focus, and I push myself up into a sitting position. Skull guy aside, I've gotta say it's a hell of a lot more comfortable to wake up on a sofa with a soft pillow and a blanket over me instead of finding myself outside in the freezing cold again. A fire's burning brightly in the hearth; the crackling sound sends a fuzzy memory into my head of falling. I remember being caught, saved.

"Here."

I accept the glass of water that's being offered to me and gulp it down, surprised at how thirsty I am. I can't remember when I last had something to drink, come to think of it. What time had it been when me and Hwo had set off out to get dinner? It must've been sometime in the afternoon. God only knows what time it is now, or what day it is, even. I forgot to put my watch back on after my shower at the hotel. It seems like so long ago.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

I shake my head. It isn't that bad. Not so much that I really notice it, anyway. I'm more aware of the fact that something's missing. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I feel as though there was something pressing down on me for such a long time that I got used to it. Maybe it was Jun's presence, or my own worry and confusion over whether I could get through to Jin, I don't know. But now it's gone.

"We haven't spoken before. You were in the last tournament too. Ling Xiaoyu, correct?"

I finally meet his eyes, and I can place him now.

"Yeah. And you're Yoshimitsu, aren't you?"

"That's right."

"Were you the one who caught me?"

He nods, taking the empty glass, and I draw my knees to my chest, pulling the blanket tighter around me. It's a faded grey, the scent of earth and oil clinging to it. Looking around the room, I wonder if it's supposed to be some kind of caretaker's shack or something. There's garden tools propped up in the corner, a shabby looking table covered in coffee rings, an unlit lamp and a few cracked cups and scraps of paper littering its surface.

"Hon-Maru is not an easy place to find."

I guess he's talking about the shrine. I'm aware of the unasked question hanging in the air, but I've got no idea how to answer it. Kind of hard to explain that it was Jun who led me there.

"You were in the other tournaments, right?"

He nods.

"Do you…"

I trail off. Yoshimitsu says nothing. He doesn't prompt me to carry on. Instead, he just studies me, waits.

"Do you know anything about Jin's family? Heihachi and Kazuya?"

"I know that they are both obsessed by their thirst for power. That nothing else matters. I assume you want me to go into more detail than that, though."

"Yeah."

"What else would you like to know?"

I look at him, the flickering light from the fire reminding me of that last dream.

"Everything."

And he sits down and explains. How Heihachi was presumed dead after the first tournament, killed by his own son. How Kazuya had taken over the Mishima Zaibatsu, the things he'd done with his newfound power. How Heihachi had returned, consumed by the need for revenge. How not even death could stop Kazuya. How it continued even now, a vicious circle that neither of them wanted to break.

Even though it's not easy to listen to it all, there's a part of me that's relieved. 'Cause finally, someone's been willing to just _talk _to me. To answer my questions. No obscure hints, no hiding things, no hesitating. Just clarity. Everything makes much more sense, now. I'd thought that finding out the truth would make me angry, but more than anything, I'm struck by how _needless_ it all is, and it just makes me kinda sad. I can't help but wonder just what Jin knew, how much he kept to himself.

"I also know that he is not like them." Yoshimitsu tells me. I open my mouth to answer, but he holds his hand out, silencing me. "I think it would be best that you keep this. To reassure you of that fact."

I look at the feather in his palm. It's a brilliant white, impossibly perfect, and the more I look at it, the more I really believe that things'll start getting better. After all, Jin told me that he'd keep fighting for as long as he could. I smile at Yoshimitsu, reaching out to take the feather from him, and he nods, satisfied.

I'd hoped that by the end of the tournament, I'd at least be able to leave with some sort of sense that things'd turned out for the best, and you know what? I think I just might be able to do that. Okay, so they didn't go how I expected, or how I _wanted_, but well… that doesn't matter any more. What really matters is that I helped Jin in ways that I never thought I could. The feather's proof of that. And that's pretty awesome, right?

* * *

Being back home after everything that went on in the fourth tournament is kind of surreal. I'm sitting in the cafe waiting for Miharu and watching people go on with their lives, buying their cappuccinos and sipping on hot chocolate and waiting to be served. There's a group of girls I recognise from school, huddled round a table, giggling over a magazine and tapping away on their phones, just like Miharu and me must've done about a million times over the last couple of years. I can't wait to see her again.

I take a look at my watch, the bottled water I bought sitting untouched in front of me. I called her on the way home from the tournament, fending off all her questions about Jin and whether we'd gone any further than last time and if he'd be coming back. And then there was my attempt to explain the whole thing with Hwo and the soldiers.

"I can't believe him!" she'd exploded. "Talk about inconsiderate! I'm dying to see him again and he's too busy being in jail! And as if that was his lameass excuse for running out on the army? Because he was bored?" Then the worry had crept into her voice. "Is he gonna be okay? What's gonna happen to him?"

I'd told her what Jung had said about how he might just end up with a fine, but honestly, I was just as worried as she was. After I'd finished the phonecall, I'd pulled out his letters again, wishing they'd have got to me the first time around. Because maybe that way I could have replied and he wouldn't have skipped out in the first place, and he'd have been able to come home with me like last time. I remember being on the ferry with him, how clear the sky had been, how I'd tried to make him smile since he was so down that Baek hadn't shown up at the tournament.

He'll come back. He has to.

Oh, you know how I just said I'd told Miharu what Jung said? Well, I conveniently left out the part where Jung said that Hwo had left because he wanted to see me. I kinda wanna keep that to myself for now. One of the last letters though… it pretty much confirmed what he'd said.

* * *

___So, you're probably wondering what I've been up to lately. Well, I picked up a couple of injuries saving other people's asses. And people wonder why I fucking hate teamwork. Might help if the majority of these guys weren't complete and utter morons, but I guess that's asking too much. Anyway. I've been bored as hell, and I've spent way too much time thinking about stuff. Wishing I was back home. Wanting to go back to a couple of years ago, before Baek took off. Wondering where the hell he went, and what he'd make of these idiots I have to work with. He'd probably just go on about tolerance and respect and all that shit, but I'd rather put up with another one of those lectures than be stuck here. And I didn't think I'd ever say anything like that._

_I was thinking about you guys too. Miharu and you. Especially you. I always think about you lately. Because you're really fucking annoying, you know that, Xiao? Like that whole thing with you being all in love with Kazama or whatever. I mean, Jesus, as though he's worth all that moping and whining over. I bet you're still doing it now. Dunno whether it's ever occurred to you kiddo, but if someone makes you that fucking miserable, it's not a good sign. Have I ever made you that miserable? Or anywhere even close? Have you ever even thought about that? I'm guessing not._

_You do my head in. And I miss you. Funny what being stuck doing fuck all can make you realise. Or admit. Or whatever. I suck at saying stuff like this, and reading it back, I'm even worse at writing it. None of this is coming out right. And maybe it's 'cause I'm so damned fed up right now that I'm probably rivalling Kazama in the mopey bastard stakes, and so sick of just sitting here and not doing anything, and the fact that if I'm honest, I've sat there not doing anything for ages, even when I could talk to you any time I wanted to, even at five in the morning if I felt like pissing you off. But the more I sit and think about it, the more I find it really fucking hard to believe you haven't noticed how I feel. So I guess this is me telling you, no matter how lame it sounds. So. You know how you feel about Kazama? Well, that's kinda how I feel about you._

* * *

There's a short letter dated a couple of days afterwards saying that he'd been drunk when he'd written it, (no kidding, his handwriting was atrocious) and he definitely hadn't meant for it to be sent out, so I should ignore it. First off, I was gonna show it to Miharu, have her help me figure out what to do about it, but I dunno now. I guess I'm much more worried about whether he'll ever be allowed to come home than how I should act around him if he does. But that doesn't mean that reading the letter didn't throw me into a whole new level of confusion. Now I've got the time to sit and think things through, I really don't know whether I _want _to. I don't know how I feel, and I'm not ready to figure it out just yet. I just know I want to see him again. Maybe we'll talk about it, or maybe we won't. But either way, I want him here. Back home. For good this time.

A pair of gloved hands cover my eyes, and the scent of Miharu's vanilla perfume envelops me.

"Guess who?" she asks, and I've missed her so much that I nearly start crying. I don't, though. Instead, I just leap to my feet and throw my arms around her. Miharu laughs and hugs me back just as tightly, and I can hear her bracelets clinking and what's probably the water bottle bouncing onto the floor.

Later, after she's persisted with the Jin and Hwo-related questions, I've persisted in answering them as vaguely as possible, and she's brought me up to speed on all the gossip I've missed since we last spoke, we end up stopping off at the park on the way back to my house. It's a cold, crisp morning, both of us bundled up in scarves and gloves, our breath clouding the air. Miharu offers me some chocolate as I stare off into the distance, my mind wandering, searching, not really settling on anything in particular.

"So then." she says. "What're you gonna do now? Try and find Jin again?"

"No. I'm gonna focus on the entrance exams." I stuff the chocolate in my mouth, glancing at her.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah."

"Ok, who are you and what've you done with my best friend?"

She's staring at me suspiciously, and I swipe her arm.

"I need to make my dreams come true by myself, right? I can't rely on other people forever."

"That doesn't sound like something you'd say."

"Why not?"

"Too mature."

I narrow my eyes at her, mock-annoyed. Miharu just smiles, and I sigh, looking down at my hands.

"Okay. So maybe it was Jin who told me that. But still…"

"Thought so. So you guys _did _have a big tearful goodbye then, huh?" she teases. "I knew you were holding out on me."

Straight away I remember him in my room, telling me he could never make me happy. In my dream, saying he'd keep fighting. Telling me goodbye.

"Yeah. I guess we did."

There's a long silence between us, only disturbed by the sound of someone's feet crunching on the frosty grass as they walk past with their dog. Eventually, Miharu nudges me, smirking as I turn to look at her.

"So, since you just said you're gonna make your dreams come true by yourself, I guess that means you won't be needing my revision notes?"

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're not gonna share!"

"What did you just say?" She laughs, getting up and starting to walk away. "That you can't rely on other people forever?"

Okay, maybe I _did_ say that, but even so.

"Starting from tomorrow!"

"Tomorrow, huh?"

I hop to my feet and shove my hands into my pockets, feeling the feather sliding across my fingers, and a smile spreads across my face because I've got this feeling that it's all gonna be alright.

"Yeah, definitely tomorrow!" I call out, running to catch up with her. My phone buzzes with a text message, and when I glance at the number, I know for certain. It's not just gonna be alright for Jin, but for Hwoarang too. And me. All of us.

* * *

_We're starting again,  
__From here.  
__I wonder how we should do it._

_- NEXT LEVEL, Ayumi Hamasaki_


End file.
